sickpuppy33

How do you decide when to walk away? I don't want to abandon him and I know he needs help...I'm going to hurt whether I stay or go. We moved to his home state after college, I teach in a school here..I'm not typically a whiner, but this all makes me feel so alone.

LoveMeNow

He is using you. Sorry, but that's the truth. He will survive. He spends days and nights elsewhere drinking. He has already abandoned the relationship. You need to take care of you now. You have a great career, that will be lost....if you don't.

gabriel01

It's not he needs help. You are hurting. It's YOU need help. U needs to get help before u can help him. How can a sick person helps another sick person?

marie1960

"How do you decide when to walk away? "

A couple of years ago another poster, ( I think it was Mike) posted this, and it really made my life choice quite clear.

"I left, when the pain of leaving , was LESS, than the pain of staying."

gabriel01

You are asking us what can u do "to help him". All our replies is telling you what you should to do. One simple thing, educate yourself about alcoholic disease and codependent issue. Just see it yourself, you got so many replies in less than 2 hours. All of us tell u, "go to alanon & read that codependent book". We are speak from experience.

Take care of yourself. Hugs

Timeforachange1

I feel like a broken record, but it doesn't sound like he's ready to stop drinking. Which is his choice, so it's up to you to decide if you want to continue to live this way. Someone posted a link on a different thread about codependency for dummies. You may want to check that out.

Take care of yourself.

Flavia2

I stressed for a long time over when it was time to leave, and for me, it just wasn't helpful. What started to work for me (by the time he started to disappear) was to slowly build my life. I never went looking for him. I made sure I never called him. I started working (I was a SAHM for a long time). I started planning fun things with the kids and made sure I had other things to do like a book club, walking around the mall or even just a cup of tea and a movie.

The more you learn about alcoholism the better. If your boyfriend "disappears" when he is drinking, you may find that he has serious issues with handling conflict, intimacy and impulse control- even if he gets sober. You sound young and you've really just started your life. This is already a relationship with big problems.