Refiner

I would imagine he's actually drinking much more now. But you can't prove it so he's being all "in your face" to make you feel bad. Remember... with an alcoholic it is ALWAYS someone else's fault that they drink. This makes THEM FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES. Yes, it sucks to be the one at the other end of the finger that's wrongly pointed at you. And it KILLS ME to hear your "mother" even did this to you. But you must see if for what it is. And know you are much better than that to let it get to you. ((((HUGS)))))

FlippedRHalo

Thanks everyone. It's amazing how far back his text and phone message sent me. I was doing really well for the weeks prior to that, but they just brought me right back to the beginning of the pain. I was lucky enough to get a very supportive text from a good friend yesterday that made me see him for what he is and I felt a lot better after that. I went to class and ended up having an ok day in all.

I've been reading about emotional abuse and it amazes me that I was suddenly so in it before I ever realized it was happening. I constantly told myself that it wasn't that bad... he was just having a bad day, he was fighting with family, he had an incident at work and that I needed to be supportive.

I also told myself that I was the cause of a lot of it because I wasn't doing enough, or being supportive enough, or understanding him enough. It's such a horrible cycle to get caught in and I never realized how bad it really was until AFTER I was away from him for a bit and the clouds started to clear. What a harsh realization it is to know that the person who supposedly loved you emotionally tore you to shreds, willingly. He never had to be as cruel and mean as he was. I never did anything to deserve his wrath.

As much as I still miss the good times, I realize what a danger he is to me and I think I'd run in the other direction if I ever ran into him again. The level of control, manipulation and abuse toward me shocks me to my core now that I'm away from it.

His phone call and text were just a few more tactics designed make me question myself and my choice to stay away. It isn't my fault that he drinks, he drinks because he's an alcoholic and has been one for a long time before I ever came into the picture. Honestly, I hope he's not drinking now that I'm gone, but I can't imagine that to be true. I hope he gets the help he desperately needs before he kills himself, damages someone else, or kills someone in a driving related incident. I don't want to hate him, but a part of me really despises what he's done and another part of me prays that he helps himself before it's too late. So many conflicting emotions - during the relationship and after. Just one big chaotic conflict, always with him.

So, as far as I can think, he no longer has a way to contact me. I don't think he's brave enough to come here, honestly. He's too passive-aggressive for that. Hopefully that message was the last of the craziness.

Someone, somewhere said "an alcoholic doesn't give up anything without leaving claw marks". I completely understand what that means now.

HopefulinFLA

So glad you're doing better. It's crazy how it can take so little to bring you right back to the beginning. I think we learn a little more about ourselves and become stronger after these things happen. :-)