How Does Separation Work Exactly?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
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I'm surprised that his therapist was talking to him about it, especially because she's a very successful addiction therapist. She knows her stuff.
What does your therapist say? Does she advise that the two of your should hop right back in and reintegrate this (maybe) barely sober alcoholic into your family?
Follow your gut. You don't have to make a decision today.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Stung 
CodeJob, I hear you! Someone needs to write a "What To Expect When You're Spouse Becomes an Alcoholic" book. It would be sooooo helpful to know what the best practices are and see them definitively in black and white.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
To be fair, his therapist actually is renowned, I've snooped on her website and looked into her background back when he first started seeing her. She is a quality therapist.
I think Dandy hit the nail on the head though, he's probably telling her a glowing recap of his visits to our home and leaving out the negative stuff...like his lying and exaggerating and his relentless urge to allow my moods to set the tone for his moods.
I asked him if he knew what Pink Cloud Syndrome was and he said that he keeps hearing about it. Personally, I think he's making things out to be better than they really are. Almost like if allows himself to think things are swiftly progressing to "normal" then things will swiftly become "normal" again. Our communication and both of our attitudes are getting better but I'm not ready to spend time with him as a family yet. I want to boss him around when it comes to our kids still and he is just way too sensitive to everything I say and how I say it when we're face to face. I just wish we weren't having to have this conversation yet. We need more consistency on just the weekend stuff first and THEN we can talk about adding more time. Like let's get one thing down to a comfortable science first. Which is weird because I'm normally the one who just wants to jump right into things while he wants to dip his toe in the water.
I think Dandy hit the nail on the head though, he's probably telling her a glowing recap of his visits to our home and leaving out the negative stuff...like his lying and exaggerating and his relentless urge to allow my moods to set the tone for his moods.
I asked him if he knew what Pink Cloud Syndrome was and he said that he keeps hearing about it. Personally, I think he's making things out to be better than they really are. Almost like if allows himself to think things are swiftly progressing to "normal" then things will swiftly become "normal" again. Our communication and both of our attitudes are getting better but I'm not ready to spend time with him as a family yet. I want to boss him around when it comes to our kids still and he is just way too sensitive to everything I say and how I say it when we're face to face. I just wish we weren't having to have this conversation yet. We need more consistency on just the weekend stuff first and THEN we can talk about adding more time. Like let's get one thing down to a comfortable science first. Which is weird because I'm normally the one who just wants to jump right into things while he wants to dip his toe in the water.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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Originally Posted by Hammer
I smell an e-book in the making . . . .
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
I love the phrase "no is a complete sentence". How about you just say no. You don't have to explain yourself, because that is where they sense weakness and start to wheedle.
Or later they come back and say "but you said I could move back when..."
So how about you say "no, right now doesn't work for me".
Or later they come back and say "but you said I could move back when..."
So how about you say "no, right now doesn't work for me".
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Hi Stung. I can't add much here as I've never been through a separation. Based on what you feel though it doesn't sound like you're even close to ready for him to start working on moving back. Follow your guy and do what's best for you. It isn't always about what works for them.
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