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Old 02-06-2014, 07:46 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by giliji View Post
I have always tried to juggle the finances to make sure he didn't think things were as bad as they were. A little over a year ago he bought a Hummer totally against my opinion. We used to have to agree on such a big purchase. Since his (our) credit is so bad I was surprised he got the loan. Apparently paying full price and a high enough interest rate helps. I couldn't believe he did it and I hate it. I am no longer going to enable him financially. He's going to know what it's really like. Also, when we don't have enough for all the bills, the Hummer will be the last to pay. He will not be happy about that but 'oh well'
Well, I will save my snide comment about a Hummer being about as ghetto as gold teef, but yeah -- anyone who would drive one off a lot -- they were giving them away for full fare and high interest, as you noted -- to anyone who showed up in the role of the Greater Fool.



The list looks about right, but we have never been able to do that. Seems like we always owe (between bills and expenses) more than we have coming in. How we have always made it without losing a home or any utilities cut off, I will never know. Although I am going to start saving what I can. Maybe $100 a month. We have never had a savings with more than $250 and that was only once. And we have been together 29 years.
Just work the Plan. You will start off at Point 0, with $1000 in the bank.

And Yes, Of Course, YOU CANNOT or at least Have NOT been able to do that.

You are powerless, and things are unmanageable (btw -- PERFECT Start Point. RIGHT Where you want to be, Right Now.) You are SO LUCKY in this regard.

I know it may sound crazy at this point, but when you start in the Next Part, that will ALL make sense.

Don't think so? Go look up Alanon Step 1.

YOU are So Lucky.


As far as the Active A problem, I am very new to this. I'm still trying to figure it all out. From what I understand I work on myself first. I am going to Al-Anon and another support group.
Super You. BEST Line in this whole thread.

No "him" in there AT ALL -- and 5 "I(s)."

You are really going to do well.

Want the Sneak Peak Ahead Part?

==================

Money you say --

Tradition Seven in Application:

Tradition 7: Every [family] ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.

You will be there.

And since you are going to be working the Full Program (You are going to be working the Full Program, right?) It means you get all the AA Promises, as well. Quite a bonus for the Cash Strapped Partner of an A, let me tell you.

Here They Are (I Bolded the money one, since that is weighing on your mind, but it is really not the best one as that pain disappears):

==================

THE PROMISES

The Promises, that are read in many A.A. Meetings can be found on page 83-84, of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous.

THE A.A. PROMISES

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.

=============

THAT is what there is for YOU -- as YOU work the Program.

Whether Hubby works the Program . . . not YOUR Problem.

But those will be YOUR Promises . . . (and yeah, they are All For Real).

Hubby's mileage may vary. That is the way Hummers roll.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:09 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I think that's a wise move, giliji. I am really looking forward to being totally in control of our finances again. We usually do have some sort of savings... worst case, $500, best case a few months salary. My AH was laid off a few years ago. Those years with him not working sucked up all our savings. We made cuts but not deep enough. I can't blame all of that on him because I was part of the problem. This stuff the last 8 months or so was a shock to me, though. We have two separate joint accounts that we operate from. I wasn't watching "his" account because I'd had no need to in the past... Totally short-sighted on my part.

For savings, how we did it before is just take the money off the top - straight into savings where we didn't touch it. I'm looking forward to being able to do that again when my husband moves out and everything is totally separate.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:38 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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giliji and others, the one thing I would add to the excellent advice is don't wait for the bills to come in before you start paying them. For insurance, power, water, council rates etc I have automatic payments coming out monthly so there are very few bills that come as a shock. It also stops me frittering money away just because it's sitting there.
It sounds radical if you're struggling to pay bills now, but it's something to aim for.
I've also found the internet useful for finding websites that tell you how to cut expenses and become cash flow positive.
I don't know how you can handle a saboteur though, except to quarantine the money from him.
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Old 02-06-2014, 08:54 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Would it be possible to sell the Hummer for a less expensive, less gas guzzling, less obnoxious vehicle??
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Old 02-06-2014, 09:08 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat View Post
giliji and others, the one thing I would add to the excellent advice is don't wait for the bills to come in before you start paying them. For insurance, power, water, council rates etc I have automatic payments coming out monthly so there are very few bills that come as a shock. It also stops me frittering money away just because it's sitting there.
It sounds radical if you're struggling to pay bills now, but it's something to aim for.
Would caution with Automatic Payments -- DO NOT ALLOW this from a primary account. Or even an account that allows "overdrafts." Or even account that can draw from or make claims against your primary account(s).

Mistakes happen. A bill that is routinely around $50.00 can be sent out as a draft for payment for $5000. While that is someone else's error and most likely to be properly resolved, it can place the rest of your operations into crisis as the bank automatically attempts to pay, overdraft, draw from other accounts . . . to pay the error bill. Meanwhile all the other payments that are supposed to auto-drafting from that same account crash, as that payment account is upside down.

What I have found, instead, is that many accounts -- water, electric, gas, etc. -- can be pre-paid or over-paid, so there is always a negative amount due. While that does not draw interest (or whatever other "anglers") would claim against this, it does ensure that the months ahead are already taken care of -- months ahead.

I don't know how you can handle a saboteur though, except to quarantine the money from him.
There is always the power of "NO."

As they say, NO is a complete sentence.

Last week had to tell Mrs. Hammer, "NO" when she wanted to take over the lease and paying the rent. Too great of risk for the kids if some crazy happens. So she stomped and pouted -- and in doing so -- reminding WHY I say NO to crazy.
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Old 02-06-2014, 09:50 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
Would caution with Automatic Payments -- DO NOT ALLOW this from a primary account. Or even an account that allows "overdrafts." Or even account that can draw from or make claims against your primary account(s).
I meant voluntary payments controlled by you but set up to come out automatically on payday- we call it BPAY in Australia, not sure what you call it in the US. It's not controlled by the payee.

Hammer you have a strong personality - not everyone has the ability to say 'no' and make it stick if the other person has access to the money. The only way in that situation is to make sure the money's gone to the bills and other expenses as soon as the salary goes in.
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