WindedJ

So I have posted before, I have a RAH but is also on antidepressants for panic attacks. Even though he may not have drank, he will indulge in taking his meds "to make him feel better". All I get is the meaness. He is blaming me for possibly losing his sponsor and getting kicked out of the program. Personally I don't think you get kicked out the program - you kick yourself out of the program. He has been finding excuses not to do AA anymore. Believes he can do it himself without going to meetings. But is blaming me because he doesn't have his support anymore. Really? He never used his support anyway otherwise he wouldn't have been drinking for the last 3 weeks in December, hiding vodka bottles in the house and overdosing on medication. I am not 100% for sure, but I don't think he has drank since New Year's but I continue to battle the same type of behavior as long as he won't cool it with the meds.

I'm going through some health issues myself right now and need a huge amount of support but do I get it from the one person it should come from the most? Instead he digs me deeper into emotional turmoil. I have been keeping strong because I have 2 young kids that need a parent, but after the blame match tonight have finally lost it and have cried for the last 2 hours. Here I am the responsible one, takes care of the kids, goes to work everyday - no excuses, is trying to get through Grad School (online courses), and now I have kidney issues. I eat right most of the time, don't drink, don't do drugs and I'm the one with the problems... So not fair. I feel like I support myself a lot. I'm tired of the blame and hurtful words.

Hammer

Just your kids? Or both of yours?

As far as the Program -- sounds like AA was getting in the way of HIS personal program.

So you going to stick with this? If so, (or even if not) yunno about Alanon?

They will teach you the 3 C's. YOU cannot cure, control or cause it.

We HAVE ALL Heard that *we* cause their . . . Alcohol, Addictions, Anorexia, Ingrown Toenails, etc., etc.

Taking self-responsibility is not a real strong A trait, to say the least.

peacesoul

I feel for you WindedJ, it is not fair at all. My AH also has anxiety/depression meds and you're making me think that may be tied to his recent weeks miserable attitude and meanness towards me. Supposedly not drinking though. Brace yourself as you could be in the midst of a period of no-drinking but still mean as hell.
And not to discount your physical problems, but the emotional hurt and stress cannot be helping at all. Maybe could be contributing to your health problems? I too consider myself healthy, take good care etc, but have been getting repeat high blood pressure readings, trying to regulate my stress as I'm sure that's the cause. Peaceful thoughts to you, and be proud of all that you have accomplished. You may have to accept that for now, and maybe for a while, your A spouse is not going to be the support you think you need.