wellnowwhat

When I first went to Alanon I was surprised that there was laughing, joy and happiness there. I had been miserable for so long, I expected everyone there to be miserable too! That gave me hope that I would find joy and happiness again, regardless of whether my AH ever quit drinking or whether we split or stayed together.

I was responsible for my own joy and happiness! Who knew?

There was another women there about my age. We didn't really talk much to each other during breaks (fairly large group) and I didn't realize that she had started only a couple of weeks before me. As I continued to go I could see her worries lifting from her, and her step get lighter, her shoulders less hunched, and then smiles. I got hope from watching her recovery. I wonder if she had the same reaction to my recovery?

Going to Alanon got me out of my misery bubble and on a path to recovery with a clear plan (keep coming back/readings/steps) for the route and tools (meetings/slogans, etc.) for stumbles on the way.

After 4 years, I am not the same person I was then and feel strong in my recovery. I no longer attend regularly, but I am sure glad I did go when I needed it most. I am glad to know it's there if I need it again.

Dublin

Two things that my first meeting did for me

First I heard the 3 c's didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it and for the first few weeks in terms of slogans, literature or steps the only thing I could manage was the 3 c's and I repeated them every morning in the shower and slowly started to believe it and let go trying to solve everything.(I like others had been told I was to blame for everything and was starting to believe it)

Second I saw something amazing at my first meeting I saw lots of serene people, while I sat crying and full on sobbing (snot, everything, the full works, deeply unattractive!) I saw others sit calmly and talk about situations that were worse than mine but they had serenity and I promised myself I would keep coming until I found that for myself. I needed to find out if what they said in the opening was true 'that it was possible to find happiness whether the alcoholic continued drinking or not.'

I still have a ways to go but I am so much better and I haven't cried at a meeting in a long time. Progress not perfection. Wishing you and your daughter the gift of serenity.

hopeful4

Well, I go to Celebrate Recovery which is alot the same and have also went to Alanon. I could not say anything for about the first 4 meetings or so, I just sat there and cried. But each time it got better. I was decompressing, and it was a relief.

Once I opened my eyes and saw what these programs are actually about...my goodness what a relief! I had been trying to control things for so long and to realize not only could I not do it...I don't even have to try to! To know there are other people out there with the same issues as me...and WANT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM! People who understand all the odd behaviors that come with being codependent. People who understand that I was so miserable I could not even stand myself....but who would love me back to being the real me...not the codependent mess I had fallen into.

Wow...it's amazing these programs exist. It's amazing to me there are people out there who have all this help free...at their fingertips....and don't use it.

I am changed person because of Celebrate Recovery. I will be forever in their debt and will work forever to try and pay it forward because I cannot even imagine where I would be today had I not found the support to find the real me inside all this mess.

God Bless! Try a meeting, if it is not the right one, try another. It is important to find people you click with.

CarryOn

At my first meeting, I found relief, compassion, and dread. As I sat crying my eyes out before the meeting, others were laughing & joking seemingly without a care in the world. I happened to sit next to the meeting's lead and she figuratively held my hand through the meeting & made me feel so welcome. These people cared about me and understood my problem better than I did - I felt safe. My dread came from hearing two women tell their stories and being happy that their AH's were down to one or two beers a day...forty plus years into their marriages...I didn't want that. I haven't gone back to that meeting, but am thankful for it every day...I found other groups that were a better fit for me.

I'll just add in...the first thing I got from SR was the Three C's - WOW!!!! The first things I got from counseling were validation of my feelings and tools to deal with my anxiety.

ladyscribbler

I got relief from my feelings of isolation, and a sense of unconditional support and caring. Those things had all been missing from my life for a long time. I look forward to my meetings now, though at first I was terrified to go and my first meeting was a bad fit (it was held in a rehab at the same time as an AA and an NA meeting, geared toward people who had a qualifier in rehab or were still together with an alcoholic spouse). I have since found a great home group. I led a meeting last week on Step 1 and am starting to think about finding myself a sponsor to I can get a start on working the next steps.

NYCDoglvr

It was when I understood that the problem wasn't the ABF, it was me. I chose him and continued to see him despite the misery I felt.

mattmathews

I see lots of posts here that express parts of my own experience with Al-Anon. And the posts are awesome...thanks!
But I would say that the very first thing Al-Anon did for me was it gave me a chance to find my voice. I'm a chameleon, and I hate talking about things I don't have a good grasp on--so I tend to be very quiet until I know where everyone stands.
The Al-Anon meeting I first went to was "round robin" and when it was my turn to speak (I could have just said "pass") I stepped outside my comfort zone and said just the bare minimum about why I was there.
As the weeks went by I made an effort to say something at every meeting, often just updates about where my wife was in the rehab process. Often I was so choked with emotion that I could just barely get a few words out.
But sharing was cathartic! I found that (almost) no one gave me advice, other than to tell me to keep coming back. And as I shared bits and pieces of my "secrets" they seemed to lose their power over me, a weight was lifted.
Eventually, I found out that I had things I wanted to say! I finally had a place where I could say all those things that I had worked so hard to hold in, and people understood! Even when I started sharing the things I thought were horrible in my life, no one batted an eye or shamed me. And when I finally began to listen, I found the things in my life that I thought were horrible were often mild compared to the experiences of others.
In Al-Anon, we learn to keep the focus on ourselves and I eventually stopped talking about the alcoholic and started talking about me. But for a while there, I really needed to get some things off my chest. I'm grateful for the people who made that possible for me, and I try to pass it on.
I'm not as much of a chameleon in the rest of my life either. I discovered that I can be myself and speak my mind without the world coming to an end--things I didn't learn growing up or living with an active alcoholic.
Thanks Al-Anon!

9111111

The meeting helped me to see that what I was going through actually happens to a lot of people - almost made it normal.
On the other hand listening to the others while nodding my head in agreement opened my eyes to how far removed from normal life can become.

In my experience the Al-Anon family is a place for people from all walks of life - almost everyone taught me something about myself, some people I liked, others not so much, but just like family, you don't have to take c*** from people just because they are family. Take what you need, enjoy the ride and leave the rest (for maybe later).