Faith444

I have trouble focusing on my own problems, because they seem impossible to change. I feel hopeless on myself. Somehow, it seems easier to focus on helping someone with worse problems than me, or, sicker than me.

Funny/interesting that there is no forum on this website for marijuana dependent people, because I am VERY dependent to the point of being in serious debt just from smoking weed.

My ABF does not want me to quit smoking, and he still usually believes he can manage his alcoholism without actually quitting or getting help. He doesn't want me to change, or lose the comfort of my habits, which involve comforting routines, right?

We talked about sobriety for 2014, but I know that neither of us can truly imagine it. The main block seems to be, WHAT WILL WE DO... JUST SIT THERE//

Granted, that's mostly what we do now. Just sit there. Having no kids.... no money to spend on anything extra, just weed and alcohol and us. How do I/we let go of the parts of this that we like?

What other kind of life could we have? I'm scared that my boredom will be worse, scared of so many things.

Point..... help, I have my own problems. But it's so much easier to help you manage your alcoholism, and enable, and ignore it, and fight about it, and never getting to figuring out the answer of what the **** to do with ourselves?

Careers dropped off into the wayside awhile ago, as you can imagine.

Hammer

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information ???

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As for the rest sounds like you are pretty powerless and that your life is not a very manageable thing.

GREAT PLACE TO BE.

The folks that make it out call that Step 1, from what I follow.

Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over _______ - that our lives had become unmanageable.

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Happy New Year. Or Not. Your Life, Your Choice.

Hammer

Add on . . . I would caution to watch the Pronouns.

That *we* Pronoun can take YOU down.

You and ABF are NOT in this together.

YOUR problem(s) are YOURS.

HIS problems are HIS.

Only *we* I have really seen in any of this is YOU and God, or ME and God, or ABF and God, etc.

But to become a *we* in that regard -- i.e., YOU and God . . . that is something you will have to actively choose.

Faith444

I don't feel comfortable posting among people struggling with narcotics.. I feel like an ******* because my problem isn't the same magnitude, seriously. You can't overdose on weed, and a million other things.

How am I not supposed to think "We," when I'm in a committed relationship? What I do is gonna affect him, and vice versa... Why shouldn't I think about what kind of life we have, or could have? Otherwise, why not just break up? I'm not interested in running from this. I'm interested in solving it.

Sunshine888

I think Hammer's point is that recovery is a personal journey. You can want the best for both you and your BF, but the change you seek comes from within.

Hammer

And about 100 million things that are similar.

You know some "high bottom" drunks have the same social-issue problem with hood-rat malt-liquor drunks.

But a Drunk is a Drunk and an Addict is an Addict.

Acceptance of what things are is often a good starting place.

Wow. That is a SUPER Alanon question. That is like Alanon 101. You actually are quite fast on this. Most of us go through some Months of Drama before we get to that.

Here is the deal. Recovery is NOT a Relationship Thing. Believe me, I know, I tried, I failed. Not so much failed on the Relationship Thing, not yet, at least, but that may be coming, dunno. Failed on the Recovery Thing -- at least the first time around.

Here is what the Grand Dame at My First Group, at my First Meeting told me: "[Hammer], [Mrs. Hammer] is not your problem." That can be taken two ways -- both are correct.

1. I cannot fix (or cure, control, cause) her and

2. MY problem is . . . me.

She was correct, and it likely goes the same for you. It took me some years to understand that. You actually seem smarter than me, so your mileage may vary.

Is that REALLY True? As far as Recovery I mean. Run a Test to see?

How about if he quit drinking tomorrow -- could you just stop Smoking and it not matter to you? Not real likely is it? How about if you quit Smoking -- would that mean he will suddenly stop drinking?

His Problems is His. Your Problem is Yours. And Your Problem is likely to stay Your Problem until and unless you choose the best known path(s) to Recovery.

I am not telling you anything you do not already sort of know?

Your Relationship may or may not survive this. The part of your relationship that is based on your (both you and he in this part) addictions will die, if one or both of you recover. That is a good thing -- do not mourn it. The parts that are healthy will grow if you both allow it. Enjoy that.

Relationships are Real Wild Card in this domain. Having studied (and studied, and studied) that a bit -- Here is what I have found. The ones that "make it," are where BOTH people are BOTH Seriously Working Their Own Programs.

But YOU cannot work HIS, and HE cannot work YOURS. Do YOUR Program well, and pray for HIS. That is the Best you can do. You can do no more, but should do no less.

You can ONLY Solve YOUR side.

Since you are clearly fast, you can take the fastest path known, if you choose.

Steepest Gradient Descent (fastest learning/solution path) in the Solution is Straight Down and Straight Up. The Down Part is you down on your knees praying to God to Save, Clean and Heal you. God is the Up Part. God will hear your prayers and deliver you.

m1k3

Faith, what Hammer has said is true. A little question for you, no need to post a reply, except for sitting around and getting wasted what sort of relationship do you really have?

As for the difference between pot and other substances I don't see a difference. You have a problem with a drug, you see it and you don't like it, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Try the newcomers to recovery forum. They will welcome you with open arms and trust me, you won't be the only person there with a problem with pot.

Your Friend,

Chantal88

Faith,

Even though you say your problems seem impossible, I know there is some part of you that knows there's a solution because you're reaching out for help. You're trying. That is a good step.

The reality is, you don't have to do this on your own. Maybe on your own your marijuana addictions seems impossible to overcome, but with help it can be done. There are support groups you can join, counseling services, and nonprofits that exist to offer help. These boards are good as a first step, but nothing can replace the real world solutions out there.

C

Chantal88

Even if you do think in terms of "we", getting help for you is the first step.

It's only after you are able to find help for yourself and get better that you will be able to see the situation clearly with your partner. He may join you in your recovery or he may not, but the fact is if you seek out help your life will improve. It's like your trapped now. You're in a cage. Once you start going through the process of healing, you will slowly regain your freedom.

C

fluffyflea

There must be N.A meetings in your area? I believe there is a Narcotics Anonymous forum on this board.

fluffyflea

If you are addicted to Marijuana then your problems are of the same magnitude. No better place to share about it than in an N.A meeting.