my dad.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: South Texas
Posts: 211
my dad.
i am an alcoholic sober for a little over 5 years.
AND - i have a pretty alcoholic family -- my dad being one of them.
I have talked to him about going to meetings and just about alcohol in general before with no luck. we never had a very good relationship but the past few years it has gotten much better.
November 6, on his way to work, an 18wheeler pulled across the road in front of him and he hit the ass end of the trailer at around 70 mph.. and somehow lived. Broken vertebrates, broke nearly all of his left ribs front and back, cracked skull , left arm in 2 places, left leg in 2 places .. just all around NOT GOOD. He spent about 5 weeks in ICU was moved to acute rehabilitation , and is now in regular rehabilitation.... That means for 2 months now he has had zero alcohol.
He is looking at being released this friday ... and i am scared... now partially disabled, probably more depressed than ever, and going to be home since he cant work, i am terrified that he will take to drinking worse than before...
i want to help him stay sober... actually i dont care if it is me- i just want him to be sober-- i dont want to lose him to alcohol after already almost losing him. but i dont know what to do or how to help him....
AND - i have a pretty alcoholic family -- my dad being one of them.
I have talked to him about going to meetings and just about alcohol in general before with no luck. we never had a very good relationship but the past few years it has gotten much better.
November 6, on his way to work, an 18wheeler pulled across the road in front of him and he hit the ass end of the trailer at around 70 mph.. and somehow lived. Broken vertebrates, broke nearly all of his left ribs front and back, cracked skull , left arm in 2 places, left leg in 2 places .. just all around NOT GOOD. He spent about 5 weeks in ICU was moved to acute rehabilitation , and is now in regular rehabilitation.... That means for 2 months now he has had zero alcohol.
He is looking at being released this friday ... and i am scared... now partially disabled, probably more depressed than ever, and going to be home since he cant work, i am terrified that he will take to drinking worse than before...
i want to help him stay sober... actually i dont care if it is me- i just want him to be sober-- i dont want to lose him to alcohol after already almost losing him. but i dont know what to do or how to help him....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Wow, safe, I am so sorry about your dad. Maybe you can have a heart to heart with him and tell him what you told us. That you love him very much and don't want to lose him. Spend time with him, just talking, watching TV, playing games, cards, etc......take him out once in a while. Let him know that if he's lonely or depressed and wants to pick up a drink to call you first.
Do you think he'd be amenable to going to AA now? Maybe if you go with him the first few times he won't be so hesitant to do it.
Good luck. Wishing you and your dad all the best.
Do you think he'd be amenable to going to AA now? Maybe if you go with him the first few times he won't be so hesitant to do it.
Good luck. Wishing you and your dad all the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Oh dear safe3breathe, how awful.
Your Dad will probably do what he is going to do. You have no control over what he does.
You can try to tell him how you feel and maybe share with him some resources about AA etc.
You can't help him stay sober.
You can't make him stay sober.
In Al Alanon we say that:
We: Didn't cause it, Can't cure it, Can't control it.
Your Dad is going to do what he is going to do, what EVER you do to try to stop him doing those things you KNOW he is going to do, he will probably do them. And there is NOTHING you can do that will stop him.
Keep reading here, look at some of our stickies up the top of the page.
Your Dad will probably do what he is going to do. You have no control over what he does.
You can try to tell him how you feel and maybe share with him some resources about AA etc.
You can't help him stay sober.
You can't make him stay sober.
In Al Alanon we say that:
We: Didn't cause it, Can't cure it, Can't control it.
Your Dad is going to do what he is going to do, what EVER you do to try to stop him doing those things you KNOW he is going to do, he will probably do them. And there is NOTHING you can do that will stop him.
Keep reading here, look at some of our stickies up the top of the page.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
That is good to hear about ur dad, however,
with him not drinking or having alcohol in his
system, he still has and will have lots of narcotics
in his system to cope with pain from surgery and
recovery.
Narcotics and all the pain meds he will be
on will affect his mind and body, same as
the affects of alcohol.
Talking and working closely with his physicians
and doctors to help ween him off all those poisons
in his system and administer meds that are not
narcotic or habit forming can give him a better
chance for building a stronger, healthier foundation
in recovery.
This is just a few thoughts I had in mind to
share with you.
with him not drinking or having alcohol in his
system, he still has and will have lots of narcotics
in his system to cope with pain from surgery and
recovery.
Narcotics and all the pain meds he will be
on will affect his mind and body, same as
the affects of alcohol.
Talking and working closely with his physicians
and doctors to help ween him off all those poisons
in his system and administer meds that are not
narcotic or habit forming can give him a better
chance for building a stronger, healthier foundation
in recovery.
This is just a few thoughts I had in mind to
share with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: South Texas
Posts: 211
Originally Posted by aasharon90 
That is good to hear about ur dad, however,
with him not drinking or having alcohol in his
system, he still has and will have lots of narcotics
in his system to cope with pain from surgery and
recovery.
Narcotics and all the pain meds he will be
on will affect his mind and body, same as
the affects of alcohol.
Talking and working closely with his physicians
and doctors to help ween him off all those poisons
in his system and administer meds that are not
narcotic or habit forming can give him a better
chance for building a stronger, healthier foundation
in recovery.
This is just a few thoughts I had in mind to
share with you.
with him not drinking or having alcohol in his
system, he still has and will have lots of narcotics
in his system to cope with pain from surgery and
recovery.
Narcotics and all the pain meds he will be
on will affect his mind and body, same as
the affects of alcohol.
Talking and working closely with his physicians
and doctors to help ween him off all those poisons
in his system and administer meds that are not
narcotic or habit forming can give him a better
chance for building a stronger, healthier foundation
in recovery.
This is just a few thoughts I had in mind to
share with you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I don't blame you for being concerned, and I can totally relate to that feeling of powerlessness when it's up to the other person involved to make those decisions for themselves.
Hang in there, sending lots of prayers!
Hang in there, sending lots of prayers!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I learned in recovery that I never have
to go thru anything in life alone by myself
ever again. And with you reaching out here
for suggestions it is a good start. Somewhere's
along the line you will be inspired by what
to do, so continue to reach out and talk to
others who can guide you in the direction
you need to go to get help for your dad.
All we can do for those that still suffer
with addiction is to feed them information
and gently steer them, and if they are
doing something to harm or hurt themselves,
then there are poper authorities that will
gladly help.
Just like me in my case 23 yrs ago. Little
did I know that I was really trying to harm
myself and others around me, like my
family, when I downed some pain pills
with alcohol and on a dare, I would
try and leave this world.
Red flags flew high a few hours away
when my little ones couldn't wake me.
However, it wasn't my time to go, Thank
God, and family stepped in after making
phone calls on what to do with me, and
authorities came to pick me up and take
me to the hospital for evaluation.
Come to find out, after all the test they
gave me, I only had a drinking problem
and so spent the next 28 days in rehab.
It was thru my family and others in authority
doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
To get me help I so desperately needed
for my addiction.
That was 23 yrs. ago and with a program
of recovery I was taught and learned from,
I continue on my recovery journey still
today passing on my own ESH with others
suffering with addiction.
to go thru anything in life alone by myself
ever again. And with you reaching out here
for suggestions it is a good start. Somewhere's
along the line you will be inspired by what
to do, so continue to reach out and talk to
others who can guide you in the direction
you need to go to get help for your dad.
All we can do for those that still suffer
with addiction is to feed them information
and gently steer them, and if they are
doing something to harm or hurt themselves,
then there are poper authorities that will
gladly help.
Just like me in my case 23 yrs ago. Little
did I know that I was really trying to harm
myself and others around me, like my
family, when I downed some pain pills
with alcohol and on a dare, I would
try and leave this world.
Red flags flew high a few hours away
when my little ones couldn't wake me.
However, it wasn't my time to go, Thank
God, and family stepped in after making
phone calls on what to do with me, and
authorities came to pick me up and take
me to the hospital for evaluation.
Come to find out, after all the test they
gave me, I only had a drinking problem
and so spent the next 28 days in rehab.
It was thru my family and others in authority
doing for me what I couldn't do for myself.
To get me help I so desperately needed
for my addiction.
That was 23 yrs. ago and with a program
of recovery I was taught and learned from,
I continue on my recovery journey still
today passing on my own ESH with others
suffering with addiction.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O hugs. I am so sorry. The thing is this. If he is going to stay clean, he is going to stay clean. If he is going to relapse, he will relapse. It is not up to you. I would tell him your concerns then let it go. Support without enabling.
I hope you are attending some sort of support for YOU.
Hugs.
I hope you are attending some sort of support for YOU.
Hugs.
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