horriblethisis

HIS RESPONSE TO OUR BREAK-UP
"I have made a terrible mistake. There has been a misunderstanding on my part and I would like to address it. Please allow me the opportunity to explain things from my persepctive and maybe you may see why and how I went wrong. It is truly a misunderstanding on my part to which I am sorry. Please allow me the opportunity to explain please?"
NOW...how do I handle that??? There was no misunderstanding here. He knew exactly where I stood, and he disrespected me and went behind my back and drank excessively, anyway - even though he knew it bothered me!! Should I just say that, or not respond at all??

m1k3

You broke up, it's over. You don't him an explanation and you certainly don't have to listen to his.

Your friend,

Recovering2

He is doing what A's do....manipulation to maintain the status quo.

What do you do? Nothing. You are not obligated to listen to anything, you already know the truth. No Contact is a good idea, block text/email. Don't answer the phone. He needs to respect your decision, whether he likes it or not.

m1k3

BTW, my last post should read you don't OWE him an explanation.

Oooops.

BlueSkies1

He has the right as a grown adult man to have a few scotches, a nasty cigar, whatever he wants that is legal.
That's what he likes to do.
I love you--now change--?
I suggest you don't go there, I don't see too many success stories with that.

horriblethisis

BlueSkies - you don't think he can change...or I shouldn't make him change for me?

horriblethisis

So, he was waiting at my apartment tonight when I got home. Says he will do whatever it takes. Says he will only drink socially with me...period...and says he can do this without a problem. Can he? Can this work for some people? Or, is he fooling himself, and me?

suki44883

Go back and read your early posts here. You left him for a reason...A damned GOOD reason. This isn't someone who can just have one or two drinks. Don't believe anything he says. If he is saying he'll quit for you, then he isn't sincere. He has to want to quit for himself, regardless of whether you are around or not. You KNOW this.

Booo

15 years in I was asked to be his booze police last month. The people on this board cleared that up for me real quick.
He will not just drink socially with you (if he does, what will he say to his buddies when they want a beer with him?)
When someone has to say things like that, it's a sure fire sign they know, but can't admit they have a problem.
Two months ago my AH was crying, begging for help, he did not want to do this anymore. He could not drink anymore, it was killing him.
Two nights ago he killed an entire bottle of wine.
You can't be his therapist, His mommy or his keeper of the bottle. It sounds good the first time you hear it. It's really old,about the 10th time. And he will come to resent you.

BoxinRotz

Not only resent but blame you too because YOU DIDN'T CONTROL HIS DRINKING! The 3 C's are you can not cure him. You can not control him or the alcohol. You did not cause it.

If you want more than your fair share of heart ache and time wasted in this dude because you think he's got his sh*t together because he has a job, money, looks and knows how to pound one out, go for it but let me tell you, you will be hurting and emotionally beaten to a bloody pulp by the time it's over. He will show you who reins supreme in his life, and it's not you!

You showed him the door? Keep it that way! You don't want what an ACTIVE alcoholic can give you! Believe me when I tell you alcoholism does not care how rich or poor you are, whether you sleep on the streets or in expensive sheets, the color of your skin or whether your male or female. It will ruin a person if that person lets it. When he says he'll quit for you, he's serving you a platter of garnished horseshit.

BoxinRotz

Ya know, I was looking back at your old posts to see where you were coming from and I must say, this isn't your first rodeo is it?


You should read this thread. Some pretty profound stuff in that first post.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-my-ah.html

BoxinRotz

Just imagine, going to a car lot and finding a totally bitchin' ride. I mean this car is awesome. YOU WANT IT! It's got spinners on the hubs. The radio is jacked and it can go from 0-60 in 3 seconds... least that's what the a-hole at the dealer said. Take it for a test drive and the damn thing breaks down on you.

That is your boyfriend.

horriblethisis

Thank you all so very much. I am not going backwards.

Hawkeye13

I think you are making the right choice.

You do deserve your next 25 years to be with someone who doesn't have an addiction.

You have come a long way and have a lot to be proud of.

Brincess

Good for you. I found this forum several weeks ago and was strong about separating from my abf who was my fiancé as well but now I'm sorry to say I'm desperately wanting him back. Now I have to face the fact I'm just as sick as he is! this is so difficult. He was a super hard worker, treated me like a princess, cooked for me, gave me attention, etc. But he loved beer. 5 8 10 a night. All too many in my opinion. It's so distressing and confusing and crazy. But I miss him. I want him back. Anyone out there that can help me please speak up

NWGRITS

Alcoholics cannot drink. Ever. Period. No room for negotiation. It has to be an all-or-nothing deal, and he's going to take it all. Don't go back.

Brincess

Thank you. Still feel crappy bit u spose this will pass in time

RhodeIsland

Ok... While this grand gesture might seem to sweep you off your feet it shows a lack of respect for YOUR boundaries. RUN, don't walk, unless the heels are too high, in which case walk briskly. But walk away!

He doesn't want to change, he is who he is. He got caught, and he's a heavy drinker. I'm not talking a small scotch on the rocks, you caught him in bottle number 2 and drinking other stuff if I remember correctly. He doesn't answer the phone cause he's been drinking. He's for a serious drinking problem, a respect problem, and an inability to maintain honesty and integrity.

The heart desires, but what does the brain say?

itsmylifenow

Congratulations for following your instincts and doing what was best for you! Most of us here have already had the once around with an alcoholic and had wished we had heeded the red flags earlier than we did. It would have saved us much heartache and drama.

You may be bummed that you are missing out on an otherwise nice guy, but in the end all that matters is you.