m1k3

Lillamy, good post. I just don't understand why you refer to the people boozing it up as adults.



Your friend,

ResignedToWait

I can definitely relate.

I have some female co-workers in a section apart from mine...but we can all hear each others conversations for the most part.
They are HUGE wine aficionados, constantly talking about about this bottle they tried, or this tasting they are going to, or this vintage whatever that is on sale at xyz.

It makes me jealous that they are able to talk about alcohol in a recreational fashion, without talking about wine bringing them into a depressed frame of mind like it does to me, with everything that wine abuse did to my AW.

lillamy

You know, I think there is some of that for me, too, if I am to be honest with myself. I'm not a non-drinker. I will have a glass of wine on occasion. But I will never have that carefree attitude. I will never see alcohol as a way to relax or have fun.

hopeful4

I too agree. It drives me nuts. Even at my own parents house (who know my husband struggles with alcohol) they will have it there. This year I told my mom that if it has to be there I am not coming because the anxiety of it ruins my time and it is not worth it for me. That took care of that!

ResignedToWait

That's it! You just put into words what I've felt but not been able to express.

I bought a 4-pack of Guinness a couple of months ago, because that's what I (used to) enjoy.

1. I felt guilty for buying it, like I was doing something wrong. (just the mental baggage of me buying alcohol when I consider it such a horrible thing for my AW to buy alcohol)
2. I had a can of it that night with a late-night snack, after the kids were asleep. It tasted fine, but I felt like I was "sneaking" it. Sneaking it from what? I have no idea. I finished half of it, but threw out the rest of the serving because it was not enjoyable at all (all the baggage I have now, I'm sure)
3. The other three cans sat in the back of the fridge until about a week ago, when I threw them away after realizing they were just making me feel guilty (for no reason!!) every time I moved something and saw them back there.

I know it's not true, nor founded...but somehow think or feel that since I condemn my (STBX!)AW's addiction, it wouldn't be "fair to her" for me to drink.

CarryOn

Drinking for me had a time & a place - out socially with friends in my early-mid twenties. I remember being annoyed & disgusted by the "older" people that we would see at the bars...really, what the h*** were they doing there? I hate going into a bar now - there are almost never other women in their mid-thirties there, and the ones that are I do not want to associate with!

For me, alcohol has no place at work, and a limited place at work-related functions. I never get how people can go to a company party & get sloshed...hello, you want these people to respect you come Monday, right??? Hard to do after hitting on their spouse and making an @ss of yourself in front of the boss. Maybe it's partly because I'm usually the one that ends up having to deal with the problems they stir up.

I love a glass of wine with friends...but that's about it. Maybe I'm a fuddy-duddy now...but I'm good with that.

readerbaby71

ahahahhahhahah

choublak

Well, alcoholism runs in my mom's side of the family. She is one of twelve siblings. Half of the family consists of alcoholics in recovery* and the other half are either lightweights or just don't drink. I don't drink because I just might be an alcoholic and don't want to find out.

*By recovery I mean serious recovery...trying to "drink normally again" isn't up for discussion. It simply is what it is.

FireSprite

I'm similar - I really love a good margarita. I love going out with my friends & having a couple of vodka/crans while we watch the acts at the local comedy club or while playing pool, every few months. Or having them all over for girls-nite-in with appetizers & drinks, manis & pedis. Going to my fave bar to see my fave band & watching the freakshow of the "over 40 trying to be 20 crowd" taking over the dance floor - yes, Choublak - the dancing is EPIC. It's sad, like a little freakshow. But the music is great.

One of the things that is a very minor, background irritation is that all of this RAH business has changed my "healthy" relationship with alcohol. For a while I really stumbled with this, realllllly took a step back & checked myself because in early recovery I became unsure of all of my previous "definitions" for things.

I am surprised that so many of you experience such pressure to drink though!! That's one thing I haven't had issues with, but around here roadblocks & sobriety checkpoints are a regular occurrence even outside of the holidays so maybe we're all used to non-drinkers & designated drivers.

I have noticed that old friends who are still deeply embedded in their own addictions don't seem to know how to be around RAH sober & are very uncomfortable when they are drinking & he is not. It's like they just don't know how to have a conversation unless everyone around them is numb too?

jessicajoe

For me its all gone a bit psychologically weird.
Somewhere in my head I think I would still like to enjoy a glass of wine or even the odd gin but I seem to have some kind of block. I was at my work's Christmas dinner recently and someone poured me a glass of wine. I really couldn't drink it. I kept thinking about something I read somewhere about recovery and how alcohol works by poisoning your body. It just seems ridiculous (to me) that you would want to celebrate and have fun by poisoning yourself.
I don't know maybe it will pass.

Aeryn

Someone asked me why I wasn't drinking at the holiday party...I decided to be honest and said:

"Well I think drinking with co-workers is like drinking with my Mom. Weird. And not only that but I think it's unprofessional - but that's just me."

Haha...ok it probably wasn't PC of me to say that and possibly a bit not so nice (my work is a bit lax on what we can get away with saying so I knew I could get away with it) but they will get over it. My co-workers are also 10-20 years older than me so even if I did drink it would be weird with them - huge generation gap. Hey they were drinking so they may not even remember the conversation.

I agree with whomever said if we really don't like each other so much in that we have to "drink" to have fun why not just skip the party all together. Seriously - if the thing is so lame I have to drink to enjoy it I'd rather stay home and watch TV.

wolfpackfan45

I totally agree. I have no desire to go to a party and drink anymore after seeing what it did to my son, but you'd think I have leprosy when I say no than you to a mixed drink. Ridiculous. I'm an elementary school teacher and I had a parent bring in a gift box to me yesterday. Beautifully wrapped with a bow. She told me to open it after school, which I did. Full of specialty beers. Now I don't know this woman from Adam and how does she know if I drink or not? Or what if I'd been an A (which I'm not). Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but why would a family give their kid's 5th grade teacher a box full of beer and think it's appropriate? What ever happened to chocolates and candles?

winnie1202

I agree. After living with RAH and being so aware of the alcohol around me, I am almost a non-drinker. I will have a glass of wine every couple of months when out to dinner with friends. But I can't tell you how many times I get "the look" from dinner mates when I ask for a diet soda when the waiter asks for the drink order. I am so aware of DWI. I have a BAC tester at home. If only people were more aware of how much even two glasses of wine can impair them.

peaceofpi

When someone asks why I don't drink, I'll just pull up this picture on my phone:
http://www.encognitive.com/files/ima...brain-scan.gif

Alcohol eats brains. Especially the prefrontal cortex (part of the brain that helps us make good choices).

Kind of a buzz kill, right?

BoxinRotz

Or, as husband's neuro put it... Imagine your brain is a steak and you put meat tenderizer on the steak. It starts to breakdown the tissues. Alcohol is the meat tenderizer.

He didn't want to believe alcohol was making his injured brain bleed.

Booo

I hardly drink at all. I have had two drinks in the last 7 days and that's the most I have had all year. I drank a lot up to age 29 and then I was just over it. No reason except I was tired of the hangovers. I am constantly having alcohol thrown at me, and I almost always decline. It's only the people around me who are already drinking who really put the pressure on.
Funny how no one eggs you on to have a nice healthy salad, it's always about who can eat the most chicken wings or largest steaks or biggest sandwiches We just applaud bad habits.
Baffling. I don't get it.

HopefulinFLA

Buzz kill is putting it mildly. That's frightening!

lillamy

Holy. Shiznitz.
Yeah.
That would convince me to not drink.

wolfpackfan45

My daughter is a resident surgeon in another state and called me 2night to chat. She mentioned that every year the residents pool their money and get the attending Drs. a Christmas gift. It's usually an expensive bottle of liquor. She was talking to one of those attending physicians at the hospital Christmas party last night and he mentioned to her that he and his wife don't drink so they regift their liquor.She said that she's going to bring it up to the other residents at the next meeting that they might want to rethink this yearly gift next year and get a gift card to a restaurant or something. She's young and isn't an alcoholic, but is very sensitive to it because of her brother who is in recovery. I explained to her that she might want to bring up the fact that unless they know that someone really does drink they might want to rethink their gift choice. Drinkers assume that everyone else out there drinks too, but it's just not true. What if someone is in recovery or doesn't drink due to religion. why do people think that everyone has to drink to enjoy the holidays? If my son isn't with us when we eat out I might order 1 beer, but even that is rare. I did do some drinking in college, but soon outgrew it. Who wants a hangover when you have to get up with a baby the next morning or go to work? Not me. I don't care if they drink, just don't make me feel like some kind of weirdo for not wanting to.