Originally Posted by
lillamy 
I will never see alcohol as a way to relax or have fun.
That's it! You just put into words what I've felt but not been able to express.
I bought a 4-pack of Guinness a couple of months ago, because that's what I (used to) enjoy.
1. I felt guilty for buying it, like I was doing something wrong. (just the mental baggage of me buying alcohol when I consider it such a horrible thing for my AW to buy alcohol)
2. I had a can of it that night with a late-night snack, after the kids were asleep. It tasted fine, but I felt like I was "sneaking" it. Sneaking it from what? I have no idea. I finished half of it, but threw out the rest of the serving because it was not enjoyable at all (all the baggage I have now, I'm sure)
3. The other three cans sat in the back of the fridge until about a week ago, when I threw them away after realizing they were just making me feel guilty (for no reason!!) every time I moved something and saw them back there.
I know it's not true, nor founded...but somehow think or feel that since I condemn my (STBX!)AW's addiction, it wouldn't be "fair to her" for me to drink.