New here, question about meth and infidelity... what would you do?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 194
I would leave and never go back. Whether it's him or the meth, how will you trust that he will never do this again? Regardless, both were his choice, as it was his choice to use in the first place.
It's your life, but you ask what I would do. That's what I would do. I'd get out. Good luck to you. You deserve to be in a loving and committed relationship; not always on eggshells or in doubt and fear.
It's your life, but you ask what I would do. That's what I would do. I'd get out. Good luck to you. You deserve to be in a loving and committed relationship; not always on eggshells or in doubt and fear.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 6
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to post an update for anyone who's interested, and also to thank each and every one of you for your comments and messages.
I've been having a hard time coping with everything the last few days. The stress has really thrown my stomach and health for a loop and I've been struggling to keep anything down, sleep, drink, etc. I'm making sure to rest and use my IV fluids.
But there is finally a plan in place.
I called my ex's sister-in-law several days ago just to chat and also to let her know what has been going on. She found out earlier this year that he had relapsed and she decided on her own not to tell her husband. So she and I have been the only non-addict people aware of what's been going on with him.
I'm not sure why I called her and part of me wishes I hadn't, but it was such a relief to finally talk about all of this with someone close to him who is also my friend and knows what's up. She immediately told her husband (my ex's brother) and they are planning an intervention sometime this week.
I just got off the phone with both of them; we talked for 2 hours trying to get some details sorted out. They will be calling the interventionist and rehabs tomorrow and then update me. They moved out of state last year so it will involve them flying down.
So... part of me feels horrendously guilty. But the other part of me knows this isn't a bad thing, and maybe my ex will accept treatment and get his life straightened out. He's been to rehab before but I know it can take many times to make a difference.
As for my ex, he is still trying to win me back. Today we hung out for a bit and I realized it was just too hard for me to be around him. I told him I thought I would need some time apart for me to get over things before we could ever be friends. He said he understood and he would respect my feelings, but he still wants to work things out and will do whatever it takes.
After talking with the brother and his wife, they've asked me to at least keep an eye on my ex until they get down here. I.e. to make sure he doesn't disappear. They said if I absolutely can't stand it, it's okay to just tell him to f*ck off, but I'm not angry in that way and I said I will try and keep up contact with him until the family flies out.
They truly believe he will accept the help once it's offered; this has all happened before a few times. So for now I am feeling a load of stress off my back, not being in this whole thing alone. I'm also feeling less angry and hurt, and just want him to go get the help he needs. Not just with the meth, but with everything--his depression, his anger, his irresponsibility, and his issues with women and sex.
I'm sad at the idea that I may never see him again after all of this goes down. If he finds out I talked to his family, he will be absolutely enraged with me. But I also know it's for the best and I'll just have to accept it.
My plan for me to get through this is to wait until the family is here and does their whole intervention thing, then ideally my ex will go off to rehab. Meanwhile I've talked with my mother about coming to stay with her. I'll be starting arrangements for myself tomorrow, packing, boarding my dogs, etc.
In the long term I will hopefully be moving back toward my parents (and incidentally my hospital) which will be good on many levels. I won't feel so dependent on my ex to help me around the house and with medical things; instead I'll be close to my parents and can rely on them. I'm going to start in therapy and most likely on medication to help me through this awful depression. My doctors and I have also set up a plan with new IV formulas and medications to try and pull me out of the physical mess I'm in.
I slept a full night's sleep last night for the first time in a week. I'm hoping things are now moving in the right direction. God knows I can't take any more chaos.
Thank you all again, will update in the next few days about the intervention.
I just wanted to post an update for anyone who's interested, and also to thank each and every one of you for your comments and messages.
I've been having a hard time coping with everything the last few days. The stress has really thrown my stomach and health for a loop and I've been struggling to keep anything down, sleep, drink, etc. I'm making sure to rest and use my IV fluids.
But there is finally a plan in place.
I called my ex's sister-in-law several days ago just to chat and also to let her know what has been going on. She found out earlier this year that he had relapsed and she decided on her own not to tell her husband. So she and I have been the only non-addict people aware of what's been going on with him.
I'm not sure why I called her and part of me wishes I hadn't, but it was such a relief to finally talk about all of this with someone close to him who is also my friend and knows what's up. She immediately told her husband (my ex's brother) and they are planning an intervention sometime this week.
I just got off the phone with both of them; we talked for 2 hours trying to get some details sorted out. They will be calling the interventionist and rehabs tomorrow and then update me. They moved out of state last year so it will involve them flying down.
So... part of me feels horrendously guilty. But the other part of me knows this isn't a bad thing, and maybe my ex will accept treatment and get his life straightened out. He's been to rehab before but I know it can take many times to make a difference.
As for my ex, he is still trying to win me back. Today we hung out for a bit and I realized it was just too hard for me to be around him. I told him I thought I would need some time apart for me to get over things before we could ever be friends. He said he understood and he would respect my feelings, but he still wants to work things out and will do whatever it takes.
After talking with the brother and his wife, they've asked me to at least keep an eye on my ex until they get down here. I.e. to make sure he doesn't disappear. They said if I absolutely can't stand it, it's okay to just tell him to f*ck off, but I'm not angry in that way and I said I will try and keep up contact with him until the family flies out.
They truly believe he will accept the help once it's offered; this has all happened before a few times. So for now I am feeling a load of stress off my back, not being in this whole thing alone. I'm also feeling less angry and hurt, and just want him to go get the help he needs. Not just with the meth, but with everything--his depression, his anger, his irresponsibility, and his issues with women and sex.
I'm sad at the idea that I may never see him again after all of this goes down. If he finds out I talked to his family, he will be absolutely enraged with me. But I also know it's for the best and I'll just have to accept it.
My plan for me to get through this is to wait until the family is here and does their whole intervention thing, then ideally my ex will go off to rehab. Meanwhile I've talked with my mother about coming to stay with her. I'll be starting arrangements for myself tomorrow, packing, boarding my dogs, etc.
In the long term I will hopefully be moving back toward my parents (and incidentally my hospital) which will be good on many levels. I won't feel so dependent on my ex to help me around the house and with medical things; instead I'll be close to my parents and can rely on them. I'm going to start in therapy and most likely on medication to help me through this awful depression. My doctors and I have also set up a plan with new IV formulas and medications to try and pull me out of the physical mess I'm in.
I slept a full night's sleep last night for the first time in a week. I'm hoping things are now moving in the right direction. God knows I can't take any more chaos.
Thank you all again, will update in the next few days about the intervention.
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