Dawnerzw

Yesterday my ABF and I were able to sit down and have a thoughtful, heartfelt, and rational conversation! I went over to his house with every intention of ending our relationship. I was able to express my thoughts and feelings, as was he. And there was no arguing, no hateful spats. There were even moments we were able to joke and laugh at each other. I didn't even mention that I planned on cutting it off with him either. What surprised me even more, was there was no raising of our voices. Usually he would be offended by my telling him my feelings and why I feel that way, but instead he listened, intently. He let me finish my thought process before commenting. He opened up to me and told me the things on his mind. There were even moments when I became silent and looked away from him, and he coaxed me to keep talking about what was running through my head. It was a great two hour conversation. That initially I thought was (or I planned on being) our break up talk. He is going on two weeks sober. It was a conversation I've needed for a while to ease my mind. After the conversation, he even looked at me and said "You being here tonight, talking to me and being able to laugh and joke, makes me realize how much I miss you." (we haven't seen each other for the two weeks with the exception of him coming to see me when i was in the hospital). His ability to finally open up to me and talk to me about the things going through his head, it helped with my understanding of the whole process. All he kept saying was "I don't want to hurt you". And the only reply I had for him is "You need to focus on you, don't worry about me." He knows of my decision to attend Al Anon meetings. I don't know what it was about our conversation, but I feel so much more at ease with things right now. I really thought I would break down and cry when talking to him, and I think he expected it too. But something inside of me made me "man up" . I even had a pocket full of tissues prepared for my breakdown! haha! We even talked about doing something once in a while just him and I and go out for a movie, dinner, bowling. Whatever it may be. Just to get away from the norm of sitting at his house and him drinking. Even after I left, he continued texting me after his meeting. This is the most conversation we've had in weeks! We both agreed right now its hard to maintain our relationship between his meetings and work and my work, meetings, and school. But as for right now, we aren't making any definite decisions. One day at a time. And for the first time in my life, I'm okay with that.

Hammer

It works when you work it.

NWGRITS

I sincerely hope that he is able to achieve sobriety and maintain that lifestyle. Your continued relationship would be a bonus here, but his health is the big ticket item. Good on you for recognizing that. (((Hugs)))