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Cannot stop thinking about it...

Old 11-25-2013, 06:53 AM
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Cannot stop thinking about it...

It's coming up to six months now since I was last in contact with my alcoholic friend. I've spent the time since taking all the excellent advice that has been given on here and trying to apply it myself, generally, with good success.

One thing is still bothering me. My AF had a young daughter (5 year old). I believe I'm the only person to know the full extent of my friends addiction, and during the time we spoke, she told me some things that were quite honestly terrifying. How she drinks every night to the extent she can't walk (I witnessed this once), how she feels suicidal at times, and why is no-one concerned for her daughter. There are other things that were mentioned within the context of certain conversations.

My AF is a single Mum (father has nothing to do with either of them) and her closest friend now is probably a family member, who doesn't see her too often so is more than likely obvious to the chaos. I feel like I am carrying a burden and feel responsible for this poor child. I feel like I should have told her closest family member about exactly what was happening, but she doesn't deserve to carry the burden either. I just feel like I should have done something, but I did nothing.

I think I only began to understand the situation after my friend pushed me away, and I found this website.

My AF is a grown woman and I can accept that it is her responsible to get sober, but I feel such a responsibility towards her daughter and I can't stop thinking about it

Thanks for reading my vent
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Old 11-25-2013, 07:20 AM
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Unindated, I agree, someone needs to be informed about this situation. The child is helpless and can't do anything to change the situation or protect him/herself. It is not safe for such a young kid to be left unsupervised, and leaving her in the care of someone who drinks to the point where they can't walk is exactly that, if not worse.

I don't have any experience with or information on this topic but I trust one of our members who does know the ropes will be along to help soon.

Good for you for reaching out for help for this kid.
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Old 11-25-2013, 10:34 AM
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Can you contact the father?

Dunno, but he have taken off from dealing with the drunk. The drunks often tell *us* we are the "cause" of them being drunk, and if we do not know better, we may believe it. Becomes a "push away," same as she did with you.

Maybe check with CPS (child protective services, or may have other name in your area), and the school counselor at the elementary school/kindergarten the kid either is or will be attending.

You need help beyond yourself -- not for the A-friend -- but for the kid.
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Old 11-25-2013, 02:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Hammer View Post
Can you contact the father?

Dunno, but he have taken off from dealing with the drunk. The drunks often tell *us* we are the "cause" of them being drunk, and if we do not know better, we may believe it. Becomes a "push away," same as she did with you.

Maybe check with CPS (child protective services, or may have other name in your area), and the school counselor at the elementary school/kindergarten the kid either is or will be attending.

You need help beyond yourself -- not for the A-friend -- but for the kid.
Hi Hammer/honeypig. Thank you for your responses.

I have no way of contacting the father. She had nothing but bad words for the father and told me once that if anything happened to her, to not let the father get her daughter. As you stated, the reason behind this could have been her drinking.

She told me if anything happened to her daughter/she lost her daughter it wouldn't be worth her living. I believe this is part of the reason she won't reach out for help, for fear of losing her, and also part of the reason I was in two minds whether to mention it to others.

I kind of believed the normal "it's your fault I'm drinking" speech when she pushed me away and just hoped she was getting the help that she needed now I was out of the picture, but I found out recently that she was out at a bar with the family member previously mentioned, which also re-emphasized my belief that they don't understand the extent of the problem, which now leads me back to this 'I should have done something' dilemma.

I've deleted all phone numbers/facebook pages of my AF and also her family member as it got to the point where I was obsessing over this but I still feel this guilt that I should have done something.

Thank you again.
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Old 11-25-2013, 04:59 PM
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By all means, if you believe this child is in harm's way, Please, Please, Notify CPS.

If you know where she attends school, I would share the information with the school administration/ head teacher/counselor.

Abuse is abuse, be it physical, mental, negligence, abuse is abuse, please be the voice for an innocent child.

Give them the chance to do their job.

There is no way, an active addict can be a good parent, that cannot take responsibility for themselves, how are they going to care for a child????
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