smtowngirl

knock on the door at 1pm last night and the dogs go nuts! My AH who is suppose to be sober and in OPT is sleeping on the couch. I get up to see the county sherrif is leaving our drive way.... And then I see my husband, bleary eyed...and trying to avoid me..Damn it, I think he has been drinking. My first thought was he snuck out of the house and got pulled over or something, but it turns out the sheriff was only there because they were not able to get ahold of my husband by phone to fix an emergent issue with the 911 dispatch phones, so they sent the officer to get him.... he was passed out didn't hear his phone ring...8 times

AH continued to avoid my questions and my looks, I knew at that point he had been drinking, and he knows he has really screwed up because this was his "last" last chance. He even denied drinking at first, which he never has done in the past. He then proceeded to drive to work because apparently he is the only one who can fix this problem they were having..I offered to drive him and told him how I felt about him driving, but there was no reasoning with him.

I am so dissapointed, I honestly felt things were going so well this time, and I believe he wants to change, but I don't know what it is going to take to get to that point, it may never get there....
I did move out one night and I think that scared him to death, I took the kids and went to my sisters.
He begged for us to come home and quacked himself silly,and I wanted so badly to believe this time was different, so I came back but I knew in my heart he would drink again, and the cycle would continue. I have caught him drinking 2 times since I came back from my sisters ( just 10 days ago) and I won't let him quack his way out of this one, enough is enough. I can't fix him. His kids can't fix him and it isn' fair that we should have to deal with this.

My weeks have been like a roller coaster starts off coasting and then I start to feel really good and things are going great and we are climbing that hill doing so good and then whoosh, down we go because something happens aka AH drinks and then we coast and go up and down and occationally we go loop de loop, like when i finally got the courage to leave and then I was sucked back in....Roller coaster....I want off

isitme

I'm so sorry.. I don't have any great advice but I sure know what it feels like to be on the crazy-go-round.

I was recently having a conversation with my A about the state of our relationship. He said, it's about weighing the good times and the bad times and when the bad out weights the good it's time to go. To which my response was.. I completely agree. The trouble for me is that the good times are now being weighed down because I never really believe in them anymore. I spend the whole "good time" wondering when the next sh*t storm will happen, so that kind of ruins the whole thing.

As it is we're just existing together. I have no idea if it will get better or not.

hopeful4

Wow...are we married to the same man...ha!! My AH also holds down a job with lots of responsibility, can be a great man...when he chooses to do so.

I have been on the exact same roller coaster as you for years and years. I know how badly you want to will them to do the right thing. I wish I knew the answers but I do not. I go see an attorney in 45 mins which I am dreading as I am not filing...yet. I know this is going to happen and that I need to get myself ready.

I just want to say you are not alone. I understand totally and completely where you are and how you feel. Keep posting, you are never alone!

Huge Hugs!!!

smtowngirl

Thanks Hopeful, that is exactly why I post, to remind myself that I am not alone, and that this not unique and I do have options and choice and I can decide for a different life...I don't need to be codependent, I am getting stronger.