choublak

How do you respond to questions like these? What's an appropriate response?

Mountainmanbob

yes the time may come

but

for now I'm staying


???????????????????????????????????????????

(((( don't know your situation ))))

but - best for these ones to remember that they are only
looking in from the outside
and to also let them know that
their support is appreciated

MM

thislonelygirl

That's tough. you know your family and what your comfortable with. jyou don't really owe anyone an explanation just not ready yet.

choublak

Well, my mom stayed in a really bad relationship for a long time, with my dad...but if I mention that to her, she'll say that her relationship was different (from mine) because they were already married with kids, etc.

honeypig

This thread http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...und-round.html has a lot of good thoughts on this topic. I'd recommend giving it a read and seeing if it helps you decide what and how much to say to those questioning your actions.

I'd also be careful to not talk about my situation to these folks; that way they won't get the idea that you're looking for input or an answer from them. I'm not saying to lie about things, but just to gracefully turn the subject if it comes up. Share only w/those who "get it", i.e., us at SR, your Alanon group, and the like.

Mountainmanbob

That does make one big difference
you may not have that much holding you there
sometimes it's better to bail out
before the ship takes on more water
mm

hopeful4

I say unless you have walked in my shoes with my family you have no idea and while I appreciate your concern the best thing you can do is support me and my decisions. My family has figured it out and that is just what they do, thank God for them.

I found being the partner of an addict was very lonley and I did not talk about it for years. I don't know who I thought I was hiding it from?! They all knew anyways. Now I share in that. I need support and my family wants to help me out of love and concern as I would do for them. I know they don't necessarily understand but they support me no matter what and it is a blessing to know they are there and that I can be open and honest with them. I am not so lonley anymore.

Hammer

What do I say? Usually something like . . . . "wow. THAT is a great idea. We are moving in with YOU."

Really. Usually everyone laughs.

And then I say, "No, really, we are moving in with you . . ."

MsPINKAcres

What I said is "I am praying & seeking God's will for my life. I know God has me on a path and I am following it. Not sure when or where we are going, but I appreciate your love & support"

Most of the time they didn't really care about me ~ they were just looking for the latest gossip. Those that did care - would respond with a kind word and an offer of a prayer for support -

Just what worked for me on my journey

pink hugs

CarryOn

Interesting question...glad for your replies thus far.

I've been asked something along these lines twice in the last several weeks. It's funny to me because RAH actually seems to be doing pretty well and I see a lot of progress, but others are not interacting with him so they really don't know.

One friend said she did not want to see me suffer...I don't feel that I'm suffering (thanks in large part to my recovery work). I have felt that my life is "on hold" at times though I'm starting to feel that I'm going again.

I responded to both with 'how do you decide to give up on your marriage?' and neither could give me an answer - a shrug or an I don't know. They have not walked in my shoes. I'm fortunate in the support that I have from friends and family even though they do not fully comprehend the situation.

Carlotta

When I was in an abusive relationship with a raging alcoholic, I learned not to complain to other people about it since they would have asked me that question and I would not have had any good answer to give them except for a whiny "But I love him".
I am not implying that you do that Choublak but some people just talk their friends heads off about their marital problems and all that is wrong with their mates and confuse friendship with a dumping ground.
When the friend states what is the obvious for a normie:
Why don't you leave him?
then the person gets offended not realizing they have talked about things which are completely unacceptable to a normal individual.