SomewhereElse

Things have been ok here. I go to Al-anon and AA meetings every week and I always feel better after I go. I am learning and implementing the programs into my life, working on myself.
AH is miserable in his job, but most days he doesn't bring me down with his issues. He is still drinking with no plans to stop, though he does admit he has a problem (just not as bad as *mine* was )
He drinks every day, but has only been drunk a few times in the last month. And during those times, I use my tools and help myself to deal with it.
The good still outweighs the bad. We hang out and have a great friendship, our intimate life is great, and he is a great dad. When I am stressed or need to get school work done, he will take all 3 kids for a walk in the woods or bike riding or whatever to give me a break. He definitely makes my life easier.

But even with all of this, I have this underlying sense of sadness. I used to feel like I had the perfect life and there was no question that I would be with my husband forever. I married my best friend. But then the infidelity happened. I thought I had forgiven him, but I still feel resentful. I can't help it. And I am sober, and he is not. I just don't see things the same way anymore. What used to be ok and normal (going out drinking, knowing that we would have a hangover in the morning) is not ok anymore. I feel like a hypocrite. He is still the man I married, and for the most part life is good and I am blessed...but I don't have that content, secure feeling anymore. I miss it. Thanks for letting me vent.

dandylion

SomeWhereElse, your sadness sound like grieving, to me.

dandylion