Katchie

Picked up my sons from practice and used that time in the privacy of my van to tell them that their intuition was correct, their dad is drinking again. I told them I have no idea how long this has slipped past us but that it didn't matter because their dad is sick. At some point in his life he decided alcohol was needed to calm him, to relieve him, to soothe his troubles, and whatever, instead of Christ. I let them know that under no circumstances are they to ride with him in a vehicle until he searches out treatment for himself; that he has proven to our family he can't do it on his own no matter how much he says he can. I also told them I went to a meeting for friends and families of alcoholics to learn how to deal with it myself so I can make our family go on as normal no matter what he does or doesn't do in the midst of his illness. We talked about the valuable lessons we can learn from dads illness and how to prevent this from wrecking their adult lives some day.
The guys received this well. They believe he's been doing this for a while and they're probably right. But again, it doesn't matter because we will go on. I just hope he chooses to enjoy this wonderful life we made together so many years ago sober.

jaynie04

Katchie, there was something very special in your post for me. I know things are not exactly as you wish them to be right now. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and a father who ignored it and let us fend for ourselves. I couldn't help thinking of how wonderful it would have been to have a parent embrace me and acknowledge what was going on in our house for all those years.

The fact that you love them and are there for them is so very special. We can't make life perfect, but you created a perfect moment in life!

Tuffgirl

Well done, katchie.

Glad the kids took it well, and you can use this as a learning lesson.

BoxinRotz

And they knew something was going on. Children are not dumb. They may be young but they are not dumb.

SparkleKitty

I just can't imagine how different my life would have been had my father ever said to me what you said to your sons tonight, about my AM. While I am grateful for every experience I have had and what each has taught me and shaped me into who I am today...well, I just can't imagine. Very, very, very well done.

Melina

I grew up similar to Jaynie and SparkleKitty.

When I was around 7th grade, my older siblings started using the word 'alcoholic' a lot to describe my mother. I didn't really know what it meant but I figured it was a bad thing by the way they kept saying it.

Somehow I finally strung all her bad behavior, thoughtlessness, lack of follow through, my being left late with no ride at sports or clubs or not even going because she forgot, and the sounds of lots of smashed dishes by herself in the kitchen to this word, alcoholism.

I ran outside that sunny day to my sweet dad, who was doing some yard work. I ran into his arms and said, 'daddy, daddy, Mom's an ALCOHOLIC.'

He patted my back and said, 'I know, sweetie, there's nothing we can do about it.'

He enabled her til the day she died from her lifestyle, a few months ago. 25 years after the day I ran to him scared.

It sucked, and the years with her left deep emotional scars.

Thank you for acknowledging the problem to your sons. It means a lot to that little girl in me.

Best,
Melina

Hammer

Had my 6 year old asked a few months ago.

He was asking what would happen if mom relapsed. He wanted to know that he would go with me and be okay. I said yes, I would take care of him, and he seemed calm about it.

He asked specifically if mom was an Alcoholic, as well as one of her friends from AA. I told him he would have to talk mom about all that. So that night when we got home, he climbed up into our bed, tucked his head on my shoulder and arm. While he was waiting for her I drifted off to sleep.

I woke to him asking her.

Son: Mom, are you an Alcoholic?

Mrs. Hammer: Yes.

Son: Is [friend] an Alcoholic?

Mrs. Hammer: Yes, why are asking? (I was surprised -- I thought [friend] was an addict)

Son: Dad said to. Will you relapse?

Mrs. Hammer: You do not have to worry about me relapsing. I have not drank any Alcohol in 16 years. (total lie -- she had relapsed a few years ago, near the onset of the Anorexia and Bulimia).

The next morning I woke up and Mrs. Hammer was already up. She announced that she had called and told her friend that I had "betrayed" her friend's anonymity to our son.

I said -- "No I did not -- you did. I heard you last night."

All she said was -- "Well, too late now, I told her you did and she is really mad at you."

-----------------

A's -- will lie about anything, or everything, to anybody.

NWGRITS

I wish I had had a parent like you when I was a kid. Really. I had a narcissistic alcoholic mother, father who left due to mom's drinking (80s in a Mother State-- he didn't stand q chance for custody), and an enabler grandmother. Totally screwed. You've gifted your sons with something vital for their development into adults. Keep the focus on them and yourself.