"How does my drinking affect you?"
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by changeneeded 
Great thread, It is wonderful therapy to put the words on paper(screen).
The drinking has an affect in many ways.
As you stated:
-Nobody likes to be home on the weekends, its way too much time with you.
-On the weekends: watching you watch the clock, waiting for noon so that it doesn't look so bad. After all your working in the yard, your thirsty you need "A" beer, we all know it is not "A" but several.
-We wait for you to sit in that darn chair so that you will "fall asleep", and like others tip toe around the house so as to not wake you.
-Knowing the dreaded holidays are coming around, I can't even enjoy Christmas or Thanksgiving anymore, thank you, you've completely ruined the occasions for me.
-Before I leave the home for the evening I make sure that everything you might want or need is available so that I do not come home to a house turned upside down because you couldn't find anything you were looking for because I always change the places I put them. ( cooking utensils or whatever) I hide them from you on purpose.
The list goes on, but like others my stomach is in knots just thinking about it. I don't want to anymore.
The drinking has an affect in many ways.
As you stated:
-Nobody likes to be home on the weekends, its way too much time with you.
-On the weekends: watching you watch the clock, waiting for noon so that it doesn't look so bad. After all your working in the yard, your thirsty you need "A" beer, we all know it is not "A" but several.
-We wait for you to sit in that darn chair so that you will "fall asleep", and like others tip toe around the house so as to not wake you.
-Knowing the dreaded holidays are coming around, I can't even enjoy Christmas or Thanksgiving anymore, thank you, you've completely ruined the occasions for me.
-Before I leave the home for the evening I make sure that everything you might want or need is available so that I do not come home to a house turned upside down because you couldn't find anything you were looking for because I always change the places I put them. ( cooking utensils or whatever) I hide them from you on purpose.
The list goes on, but like others my stomach is in knots just thinking about it. I don't want to anymore.
Lol to waiting for him to sit in chair . There had been times ill literally convince ah to get snuggly on the couch or chair because i knew as soon as he was he'd fall asleep.
I love the holidays but its depressing when the alcoholic is the scrooge.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I was very aware of many ways my AH's drinking was affecting our family, but didn't really understand some of the impacts until after he left to work out of state. First and foremost, literally the SECOND he was gone, my daughters started hanging out in the living room again (instead of avoiding it like the plague). These realizations don't matter one bit to my AH, because he is just not capable of caring while he is active in his addiction. But they are VERY important to me, and they keep me strong in my decision to leave the very moment I have the money saved to do so.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sitting down and facing front
Posts: 170
Just thinking aloud (coz I have heard a variation on "my drinking only affects me") ... it seems kind of like that thinking is contradictory - the drinking only affects the drinker, yet when they're drinking everything has to be about them ... even though they're isolating themselves, say, in the garage with a tv and a fridge. So when AH comes into the house after not showing himself all day, and is surprised that everyone is doing their thing and he's not included he gets all huffy.
I'm not explaining myself very well. I'll shut up now lol.
I'm not explaining myself very well. I'll shut up now lol.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
I think I have noticed a trend in the past few days; I've seen quite a few mentions of broken lamps. So, I believe one more effect could be considered; that we may all be living in darkness. One way or another.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 274
Oh Becki - I can relate to everything in this thread. At least I know it isn't just me! I especially relate to the one about being scared AH will hurt the animals - I don't think he would hurt them but he might open the door and let the cats out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
1. My bedroom smelled like crap.
2. I was deprived of a husband.
3. I had no sex life. I still don't, but at least I'm not married anymore and looking at living like that forever.
4. I lived alone with 3 children and one adult child.
5. I lived in fear of his getting a DWI or a possession of marijuana charge and what it would mean to my job.
6. I never had fun with him anymore.
7. I was wretchedly lonely.
8. I had to make all the decisions.
9. I couldn't trust his judgment anymore.
10. I couldn't leave the children with him and trust that they would be cared for.
11. I had to be careful what I said or did lest I **** him off and he start screaming at me.
All of these. Argh! My bedroom smells like a platoon of raccoons and unwashed dogs has been nesting in it. I am sleeping on my 100 year old inherited couch instead of on my nearly new mattress.
Husband? What is that? Oh the guy that comes around sometimes and asks for money, sex and "just a little more time" to get his act together. At least i can be grateful that when he is drinking he doesn't pass out and become part of the living room furniture. He passes out, haunts our bedroom and I become part of the living room furniture because I won't sleep in the bedroom. I have almost no sense of smell so if I can smell it and am offended by it, it has to be really, really bad.
2. I was deprived of a husband.
3. I had no sex life. I still don't, but at least I'm not married anymore and looking at living like that forever.
4. I lived alone with 3 children and one adult child.
5. I lived in fear of his getting a DWI or a possession of marijuana charge and what it would mean to my job.
6. I never had fun with him anymore.
7. I was wretchedly lonely.
8. I had to make all the decisions.
9. I couldn't trust his judgment anymore.
10. I couldn't leave the children with him and trust that they would be cared for.
11. I had to be careful what I said or did lest I **** him off and he start screaming at me.
All of these. Argh! My bedroom smells like a platoon of raccoons and unwashed dogs has been nesting in it. I am sleeping on my 100 year old inherited couch instead of on my nearly new mattress.
Husband? What is that? Oh the guy that comes around sometimes and asks for money, sex and "just a little more time" to get his act together. At least i can be grateful that when he is drinking he doesn't pass out and become part of the living room furniture. He passes out, haunts our bedroom and I become part of the living room furniture because I won't sleep in the bedroom. I have almost no sense of smell so if I can smell it and am offended by it, it has to be really, really bad.
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