need advice...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 20
need advice...
I hope i explain this well.
exbf and I lived together approx 3 years ago. he had utilities in his name. he is a binge drinker and didnt contribute to houselhold on regular basis. some money here or there for food but nothing to count on, regular basis, he moved out and moved out of state. I had to transfer utilities in my name, i had to wait till next pay check to pay deposits on water and electric.
moving forward till recently, he came back, promise to change, went to church, AA,( most of our fights are about money, his lack of contributing to household and his money went for his things. he never paid that electric bill from years ago. ) I wanted to talk about money and budgeting and it was an argument, he took money and went and drank, the first rule for returning, was zero tolerance for drinking at all. I asked him to leave, he went for a weekend of binge drinking, would stay out all day and night, sleep in car in driveway. with asst of church he moved out and signed a lease somewhere else. we had no contact for a couple of weeks.
We talked at church, he started to come and mow lawn, I fed him dinner, he washed clothes here. we were starting a friendship again. (he still slept at his place)
He helped with some food since he ate here, i had to have surgery, he helped me, i went to some AA meetings with him, he was going to bible study, going to church, he needed help financing a phone, i did, he was to pay for the phone,(phone and service are separate) he agreed to make payments.
5 days after surgery, i went looking for some receipts in his truck, while he worked on the yard, i found my daughters panties in his truck, center console, i went to him and asked whose these were, his face went expression less, and nothing was said, i walked away, grabbed his clothes and laundry soap and threw what i could grab and threw in truck, got my house key back, and told him never to come back here again.
sooo, i am out 400.00 for phone i pay on that he has, he has a past due electric he wants me to pay, i still have 2 black heavy duty storage lockers he wants back.
question is: do i pay the 263.00 electric bill and give boxes back to get phone?
do I suck it up to a loss and not pay electric bill, not get phone back?
he threatend to come to my property and take his stuff, boxes are locked up, in house.
If he treaspasses, i will call cops, do i demand phone back for boxes with the police here?
will I have the right to negotiate those boxes for the phone if and when he wants to come here and get those boxes?
I have receipt for phone, and service when started, I have proof in my name and i have been paying?
I would like to have phone back to give to my daughter, but is it worth paying the dam past due electric and the phone bill?
I still talk to his dad, and asked his dad, his dad said to sell the damn boxes and get what i could to pay the phone bill.(I didnt expect to get phone back)
apparantly his truck is in his dads name and he has missed 1 payment and late on another, and hasnt paid his insurance. his dad said he is doing the same thing to the both of us. his dad ready to get that truck if it wasnt so far away.
he found out i talked to his dad and this is when he blew my phone up and why the negotating.
I just threatened to call cops, his address is this house on drivers license, but i threw in that its illegal since he has a signed lease for another residence and water there is in his name.
I almost am willing to throw in the towel and say **** it, to it all...
not pay electric, finish pay the phone, at a loss and keep the boxes, but does he have a right to demand those damn boxes or can i sell them?
please help.
exbf and I lived together approx 3 years ago. he had utilities in his name. he is a binge drinker and didnt contribute to houselhold on regular basis. some money here or there for food but nothing to count on, regular basis, he moved out and moved out of state. I had to transfer utilities in my name, i had to wait till next pay check to pay deposits on water and electric.
moving forward till recently, he came back, promise to change, went to church, AA,( most of our fights are about money, his lack of contributing to household and his money went for his things. he never paid that electric bill from years ago. ) I wanted to talk about money and budgeting and it was an argument, he took money and went and drank, the first rule for returning, was zero tolerance for drinking at all. I asked him to leave, he went for a weekend of binge drinking, would stay out all day and night, sleep in car in driveway. with asst of church he moved out and signed a lease somewhere else. we had no contact for a couple of weeks.
We talked at church, he started to come and mow lawn, I fed him dinner, he washed clothes here. we were starting a friendship again. (he still slept at his place)
He helped with some food since he ate here, i had to have surgery, he helped me, i went to some AA meetings with him, he was going to bible study, going to church, he needed help financing a phone, i did, he was to pay for the phone,(phone and service are separate) he agreed to make payments.
5 days after surgery, i went looking for some receipts in his truck, while he worked on the yard, i found my daughters panties in his truck, center console, i went to him and asked whose these were, his face went expression less, and nothing was said, i walked away, grabbed his clothes and laundry soap and threw what i could grab and threw in truck, got my house key back, and told him never to come back here again.
sooo, i am out 400.00 for phone i pay on that he has, he has a past due electric he wants me to pay, i still have 2 black heavy duty storage lockers he wants back.
question is: do i pay the 263.00 electric bill and give boxes back to get phone?
do I suck it up to a loss and not pay electric bill, not get phone back?
he threatend to come to my property and take his stuff, boxes are locked up, in house.
If he treaspasses, i will call cops, do i demand phone back for boxes with the police here?
will I have the right to negotiate those boxes for the phone if and when he wants to come here and get those boxes?
I have receipt for phone, and service when started, I have proof in my name and i have been paying?
I would like to have phone back to give to my daughter, but is it worth paying the dam past due electric and the phone bill?
I still talk to his dad, and asked his dad, his dad said to sell the damn boxes and get what i could to pay the phone bill.(I didnt expect to get phone back)
apparantly his truck is in his dads name and he has missed 1 payment and late on another, and hasnt paid his insurance. his dad said he is doing the same thing to the both of us. his dad ready to get that truck if it wasnt so far away.
he found out i talked to his dad and this is when he blew my phone up and why the negotating.
I just threatened to call cops, his address is this house on drivers license, but i threw in that its illegal since he has a signed lease for another residence and water there is in his name.
I almost am willing to throw in the towel and say **** it, to it all...
not pay electric, finish pay the phone, at a loss and keep the boxes, but does he have a right to demand those damn boxes or can i sell them?
please help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 175
I'll give my opinion, but I do hope you are focussed on your daughter and exploring whether or not any molestation took place. I'm not sure how old she is, but finding panties in his truck is a major red flag.
To answer your questions: If the phone is yours and in your name, you are responsible for it. You can ask for it back, and if he refuses, report to the police that he has stolen it. Likewise, if the boxes are his, then he has the right to them and you cannot keep them. If the electric bill is not in your name, then you don't pay it. Keep It Simple
To answer your questions: If the phone is yours and in your name, you are responsible for it. You can ask for it back, and if he refuses, report to the police that he has stolen it. Likewise, if the boxes are his, then he has the right to them and you cannot keep them. If the electric bill is not in your name, then you don't pay it. Keep It Simple
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Give him all his **** and get rid of him. The longer you drag this out, the longer he's going to stick around. If you want the phone, tell him you'll give him the boxes on said day AND the BOTH of you can exchange.
As far as the electric bill... his name, his bill. Done.
If he doesn't give you the phone back and gets his boxes, shut the phone off.
You want it all done and over, then get it all done n over. You can't keep his stuff just like he can't keep yours.
Good Luck.
As far as the electric bill... his name, his bill. Done.
If he doesn't give you the phone back and gets his boxes, shut the phone off.
You want it all done and over, then get it all done n over. You can't keep his stuff just like he can't keep yours.
Good Luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 20
Thanks, for your advice.
He hust scares me sometimes, alcoholics are unpredictable.
My daughter not molested talled to counselor, nothing happened. Just creepy about incidence.
I just want to limit contact . I want to to what is right by law.
If the phone wasn't so much I would just put his **** outside and leave it. But its my only leverage.
I know alcoholics lie and don't play fair. I am better than that
He hust scares me sometimes, alcoholics are unpredictable.
My daughter not molested talled to counselor, nothing happened. Just creepy about incidence.
I just want to limit contact . I want to to what is right by law.
If the phone wasn't so much I would just put his **** outside and leave it. But its my only leverage.
I know alcoholics lie and don't play fair. I am better than that
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
The anxiety and upheaval this is causing you and your children is not worth the cost of the phone. Either pay it off or take it from him, give him his things and be done. I know it's scary and hard but call the police if you have to. This is a dangerous person.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I would pay off anything that I was actually responsible for (I am not clear about this electric bill), leave the storage boxes outside for him to pick up, write off the phone as a loss (the cost of doing business with someone proven to be unreliable financially), and then go No Contact with this man for good so you and your kids can move on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 20
Thanks everyone, I knew what I needed to do, I know what I wanted to do. I know I didn't want to loose to such an ******* but my sanity and my kids sanity is more important.
I am dropping these stupid boxes off at the church and he can get them from there. I do not want him back here at all and do not want to see him at all.
DONE...a 500.00 lesson learned.
Never loan anyone anything unless u can afford not to get it back, cause most likely u won't.
I never expect anything from anyone and I'm never dissappointed.
Love u all xxoo, thank u for the input.
I am dropping these stupid boxes off at the church and he can get them from there. I do not want him back here at all and do not want to see him at all.
DONE...a 500.00 lesson learned.
Never loan anyone anything unless u can afford not to get it back, cause most likely u won't.
I never expect anything from anyone and I'm never dissappointed.
Love u all xxoo, thank u for the input.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
The storage boxes sound heavy. Maybe his dad would come and remove them. Then there wouldn't be any reason for you to have him come to your house ever again.
Pay what is in your name. It is your credit record on the line, and they won't care if he said he would pay you back; your credit will suffer if you don't pay on time.
Going No Contact might just be the best thing in the world for you and your daughter (kids). He sounds like a scary unpredictable drunk who de-stabilizes every situation he gets into.
Time for your and your kids to truly find peace. You deserve it.
ShootingStar1
Pay what is in your name. It is your credit record on the line, and they won't care if he said he would pay you back; your credit will suffer if you don't pay on time.
Going No Contact might just be the best thing in the world for you and your daughter (kids). He sounds like a scary unpredictable drunk who de-stabilizes every situation he gets into.
Time for your and your kids to truly find peace. You deserve it.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
You are right dejavue... Sometimes, lessons are expensive. Consider it done then. Let it ALL go and just be DONE.
My ex husband once said about a friend of his that owed him money...
Consider it the best money spent to get rid of a lying assh*le.
My ex husband once said about a friend of his that owed him money...
Consider it the best money spent to get rid of a lying assh*le.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 20
Well, Its done...
I took the boxes to church and they contacted him and he picked them up.
I could not face him, I could not chance him coming here and tired of threats
I lost money but am gaining more and more peace each hour.
I had dinner last night with someone who exabf lived with one of the times i kicked him out. She told me he paid her the first week he lived there and then just made up excuses for not paying her anymore. She said he talked trash about me and that he was constantly with new women. she was happy he left her place but then he came back to me.
I think about the lies and deceit and cheating, I wonder if i was so bad why he wanted to come back. I wonder why i let him back. I wonder why i loved him. I wanted to believe him.
I hear now that just after only 3 weeks of me ending it, he is dating 2 girls and drinking and getting drunk again. She asked me a few questions about him and turns out he told her and some coworkers lies about his Army time.
How can someone possibly lie that much, I cant even fathom all the lies he told others and all the lies he told me, I wonder if there was even any love for me on his part or was i just a piece of ass and a place to store his stuff and hang out for a while.
Is it possible for the alcoholic to love, the sex addict to feel love? Was it it all a Lie?
Was any of this real?
I feel sorry for the women he is lying to now, they are merely just a stepping stone, possibly just trying to get to them so he can move in with one of them since he has to be out of his place nov 1, he is running out of time. Cause he sure doesnt want to use his own money to live on. gotta use other people.
I truly feel so stupid. I actually had feeling for him.
Now i look at and listen to guys talk and wonder if they too lie, I watch guys drink and wonder is it just one or are they alcoholics too?
I wonder if anyone can be normal?
I wonder if i can be normal?
no worries i am not dating yet, i am not looking to date, i am working a recovery of sorts, daily prayers, daily journaling, daily recovery from the relationship, just like an alcoholic works the program for drinking, i am trying to use it for my many bad relationships..
just venting here
I took the boxes to church and they contacted him and he picked them up.
I could not face him, I could not chance him coming here and tired of threats
I lost money but am gaining more and more peace each hour.
I had dinner last night with someone who exabf lived with one of the times i kicked him out. She told me he paid her the first week he lived there and then just made up excuses for not paying her anymore. She said he talked trash about me and that he was constantly with new women. she was happy he left her place but then he came back to me.
I think about the lies and deceit and cheating, I wonder if i was so bad why he wanted to come back. I wonder why i let him back. I wonder why i loved him. I wanted to believe him.
I hear now that just after only 3 weeks of me ending it, he is dating 2 girls and drinking and getting drunk again. She asked me a few questions about him and turns out he told her and some coworkers lies about his Army time.
How can someone possibly lie that much, I cant even fathom all the lies he told others and all the lies he told me, I wonder if there was even any love for me on his part or was i just a piece of ass and a place to store his stuff and hang out for a while.
Is it possible for the alcoholic to love, the sex addict to feel love? Was it it all a Lie?
Was any of this real?
I feel sorry for the women he is lying to now, they are merely just a stepping stone, possibly just trying to get to them so he can move in with one of them since he has to be out of his place nov 1, he is running out of time. Cause he sure doesnt want to use his own money to live on. gotta use other people.
I truly feel so stupid. I actually had feeling for him.
Now i look at and listen to guys talk and wonder if they too lie, I watch guys drink and wonder is it just one or are they alcoholics too?
I wonder if anyone can be normal?
I wonder if i can be normal?
no worries i am not dating yet, i am not looking to date, i am working a recovery of sorts, daily prayers, daily journaling, daily recovery from the relationship, just like an alcoholic works the program for drinking, i am trying to use it for my many bad relationships..
just venting here
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