Tuttlesis

I am new to this forum but I have two siblings. An older brother who died 20 years ago from a heroin OD and my younger brother who has just admitted to being an alcoholic and is currently in a treatment facility. I have often blamed myself in some way for my older brother's death. I'm sure it's a common thing to wonder if you could have done something to change things. But I want to educate myself how to help my little brother while he is going through this. Our parents are both gone and so all we have is each other. Even though he is 11 years younger than me, we've always been close. His wife has asked for a divorce and so he agreed to get help. I want to be supportive but at the same time not be an enabler. But really don't know how to start except to be there to listen to him.

MakingMeHappy

One of the first things I learned here is the 3 C's

I did not cause it.
I can not control it.
I can not cure it.

Accepting those three things helped me let go of the guilt I had that my actions had any role in my loved one's problems.


Glad you found this group. I hope that you stick around and learn. There is much wisdom here. Take care of you!

Leftover

Dear Sis, It breaks my heart when I hear of siblings suffering the backlash of addiction. You are in no way responsible for your older brother's addiction and consequences. You are also in no way responsible for your younger brother's addiction and consequences. You are only responsible for yourself. I think sometimes we mistake compassion and love for need.......The need to do something, thinking we can change something. We cannot change anything for someone else. IMO, you can only support his efforts of rehabilitation. Anytime we begin helping our loved ones do what they should do for themselves....we are enabling. You love him, I can tell, and I'm sure he knows it. Hug him, love him and be there for his recovery. I wish you well and pray for his recovery.

honeypig

Welcome to SR, tuttlesis. Glad you found your way here, though sorry you needed to do so...

It will likely be helpful for you to spend some time here each day, reading thru the threads, and don't miss the stickies at the top of the page. You'll be surprised how much A's all have in commmon, and it will help you see what you're dealing with.

I'd like to suggest Alanon for some face-to-face education and support, too. Here's a link to help you find a meeting: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ If you want to know what Alanon can do for you, you can search within this forum on SR for threads about Alanon to see what others have said.

This thread may help too: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html This is from the stickies at the top of the page that I mentioned and is representative of the type of thing you'll find there.

Again, welcome to SR. As you learn more, you'll start to see where your path lies.

Luri

The only thing I can say is look at the post above and find an Al-Anon meeting. Find one, go and go back 5 more times. Al-Anon works as well as you work it. If you really want help, you'll get it there. <3

Raider

I don't have any advice. I just want to say welcome.