stressedout

Well, Im just messed up on my thinking, I am doing pretty good on this detaching thing. I think sometimes too good. Im getting these "Love you" notes and "Miss you" notes all over the place. I just dont want him,he is still drinking, and he still drives!!! I cant stand that! Im getting to the point Im begining to hate him. Im tired of trying. He will tell me he see no reason to change cuz I dont chance the things he doesnt like me doing. I cant deal with the stress of walking on that razor and if I fall off,he fails BS!!! I have told him before I will leave him to make him better. or if he gets another DUI Im gone.I guess hes going to push it and make me do it. My friend tells me I just have to let things go. but at some point it has to quit happening. Im os sick of this. I am not his rock to stand on. You can spit across our town thats how big it is and we have alot of police that are pretty bored in the evenings so its not a question of if he gets a DUI its when. How do you detach but yet still live in the same house. I guess I just needed some vent time.


:banghead:

Hugs to all Debbie

Gabe

Hey Deb,
Vent away! What are you doing to take care of you?

Nightowl

hugs from another woman....watching her SO drink and drive. He claims to be very very careful. A DUI won't happen to him. And if it does...he won't bother calling me so I won't have to be involved. I won't have to bail him out. Right!!

I want to marry this man as I love him very much and we are good together. But I will not marry a man who drinks and drives. I won't put my life and my kids' lives on the line like that. No financial/emotional ruin for me...thank you.

McKrazy

beat this, my A is a firefighter and has been invited to speak at the Highschool about drinking an driving.... his favorite past-time. You can bet, however, they are hoping he will speak out AGAINST it, not advocate for it. Actually, he even realized that that would be hypocritical, but it does burn me that with all he sees in death and accidents that he still chooses to drive REALLY drunk! thanks for letting me rant..... I'm done

stressedout

Well Gabe Im not really sure. I work and pretty much do whatever I feel like doing. mostly I try to stay away from him, I get so angry.it use to be that everything I said fell on deaf ears so now I say nothing. The big freedom bird is calling my name!!! and its hard not to listen. After I finally had a mental meltdown, and said enough !!! he did quit for 3 weeks but since I didnt change my behavior he started back again, I think he now believes he has it under control. the only time I ever complained was when he would drink and drive and he still does every day!! I have tried to explain to him, I know YOU are a good driver its the other morons out there!!! They just dont get it.

When I was 16 yrs old. I broadsided a car that ran a stop sign, I went through the windshield over 500 stiches in my face mainly my forhead and in my hair and messed up my left knee. He was drunk beer cans all in his car, He had his wife and 3 small children with him. Alot I dont remember but I do remember laying in the ER looking at the children all cut up and crying, just minor injuries thank God!!! He got his just deserves he will never walk again nor drive I feel no pity for him, the lives that it had affected,well I know Ill never get over it, Im reminded everyday I look in the mirror. Im just so thankful that no one got killed. The Dr told me he has no idea why I survived.
They dont realize that they dont have to cause the accident.
My heart hardens more and more, but I believe that as long as Im here he will never get better,he has no life plan,no dreams, 5 yrs from now if hes still living we will still be in the same place,nothing will change.

Maybe Im not doing this detachment right,but as long as he doesnt feel there is an issue I dont think anything will get better, its just easier for me to keep away from him. I know what Id like to do
but I dont think it would help

Thank God all of you are here,its just nice to know your not alone
My prayers to All
Debbie
T

Lorelai

"...but since I didn't change my behavior, he started back again."

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't matter what you do or how you act. He is going to do what he is going to do. His drinking or not drinking is not your responsibilty. You didn't cause it. You didn't.
L

stressedout

oh,dont worry I know Im not responsible for his drinking, I have even told him the only way I can deal with his behavior is to distance myself from it. He just dont get it, I dont want this anymore!!! I can not watch him distroy his self any longer, I dont know how much more blunt I could be!!
Thanks
Debbie

StandingStrong

There is no guarantee that if you leave him that he will get better, adopt life plans, dreams, or anything else. He may stay the same as he is now, he may get worse, and yes, he may get better.
If you choose to leave, it has to be that it's the best thing for you and your children. YOU have to take control of your life and live it the way that YOU choose.

As far as my take on detachment..........and this is just my opinion.......but you said,

Maybe Im not doing this detachment right,but as long as he doesnt feel there is an issue I dont think anything will get better, its just easier for me to keep away from him.

I don't believe that detachment means to avoid, though I know that is the only way that some people can detach. And regardless if he feels there is an issue or not doesn't count towards you detaching. Detaching is learning to live your own life and allowing the other person to live theirs. To love them, but let go of thier issues, their problems, etc. To love them for the person that they are, but not continue to enable, control, etc.
Focus on YOU!!!! Live your life for YOU!!!!

Still keeping you in my thoughts.

JT

Stressed out,

You know what you can do? It is affirmative and can give you a sense of direction. Make a plan. You don't have to ever follow it though...you can change your mind whenever you want. YOU have choices! But you can give some thought to how you would leave and what you would do. You can stay... one day at a time.... and think about what you want for you future and how you would get there.

PLEASE don't ever think I advocate leaving...or staying for that matter. But all the emotion can be channeled into a plan with definite boundaries and consequences.

Hugs,
JT