Has anyone had any luck getting through to their A's
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Nothing I have ever said has registered, not the pain hes caused me - not the facts nothing. He just knows if he drinks like he was, I'm gone. It took me telling him I'm not happy and have to leave, then finding a place - I did not give an ultimatum. The day before I paid the deposit on a new place, he begged me not to go, and since then, he has a couple beers every week. That's only been 2.5 months, so I'm not holding my breath. If he ever starts back on the vodka, or even ramps up the beer drinking, I'll be packed up and moved out on a Monday before he's home from work, and he knows it, there has not been and will be no further discussion about his drinking in our house.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
Originally Posted by martina12 
I read the stickie thread ' My name is Jon and This is What Addicts Do' today in the friends and families thread and felt so struck by the message that I have printed it out and put it in my bag. I am grieving still but this really hit home to me and hope you can read it too? For me I am no longer hanging on to something that I cant cure? I have to, even though its incredibly painful, let go of him and our dreams. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life....let go of my life long love because I can't bear the pain any longer. I am grieving very much but am hoping me and the children will find ourselves somewhere better very soon...I am still on the rollercoaster thought I had got off it then back on it again and so it goes on....starting to look forward instead of back..starting to make new dreams on our own and happier dreams at that 
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Don't hesitate to go to the Alcoholism forum and post this very question there. You may be disappointed by the responses, but they'll be coming straight from the alcoholics' mouths. Another good place to ask this would be recovering alcoholics in AA. Ask them what worked for them, and what didn't.
That said, nothing I said made a difference - it only made things worse. When I stopped talking and started doing is when things began to change.
That said, nothing I said made a difference - it only made things worse. When I stopped talking and started doing is when things began to change.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Somewhere, Fractured State
Posts: 111
This is interesting. I used to try to get through to my AW but nothing changed. I begged, I was nice, I was mean...etc. She got the message but it fell on deaf ears. Mr. Vodka was drowning it all out. It took her truly hitting a bottom and me really detaching through Al Anon and my own study to get her to treatment(again). She was almost dead as far as I can tell. She couldn't physically drink more and then the pain of withdrawal came. At that moment I suggested it might be easier to go through this in detox and treatment. Nothing I said or did stopped her. Living for myself and watching my wife come closer to death daily without trying to stop her anymore is ultimately what got her to treatment. Shes there because she wants recovery and I told her I would not accept her back if she didn't stay sober. I established my boundaries prior to treatment and established a new set now that shes in treatment. Stop trying to save them. You didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. Love them and choose if you want to stick around and wait for them to want recovery the rest of your life. Read the al anon works book. There is hope but you have to work on you.
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