Possible undermining?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I know when I detached, AH knew it! He even asked me who I was talking too?! It was like he was asking a magician, *How'd you do that?!* I was like SCORE! 
I think that him seeing it unfold in front of him the way it did shocked him because it came out of left field and he wasn't expecting it AT ALL. lol I can't be totally sure of it but I think that he felt that the end was near for *us* because I stepped back and just let him have at it (the bottle).
I also believe that he sometimes drank just for the drama. The last time he drank, 3 weeks ago, he wanted to pick a fight with me and I slammed right into detachment mode and told him, I will not be responsible for ruining your buzz! If you get all pissy, it's YOUR OWN FAULT so take your bottle n get the hell away from me. He did.
Just as the others have said, detachment is for you. If it leaves him scratching his/her head, all the better!
I think that him seeing it unfold in front of him the way it did shocked him because it came out of left field and he wasn't expecting it AT ALL. lol I can't be totally sure of it but I think that he felt that the end was near for *us* because I stepped back and just let him have at it (the bottle).
I also believe that he sometimes drank just for the drama. The last time he drank, 3 weeks ago, he wanted to pick a fight with me and I slammed right into detachment mode and told him, I will not be responsible for ruining your buzz! If you get all pissy, it's YOUR OWN FAULT so take your bottle n get the hell away from me. He did.
Just as the others have said, detachment is for you. If it leaves him scratching his/her head, all the better!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I should start knocking on the wood or something, because l slept in my bed for a whole week, and even last night (he usually stays awake on weekend nights), we shared the bed!
But, yes, I could undermine my own recovery if I start thinking that my detachment is going to fix our relationship. It did bring some peace and some totally unexpected positive behavior, that's for sure. I am aware that those may not last for a long time.
I know that my hubby felt the change, but it is absolutely irrelevant how he feels, because this is all about me now. And I like it.
But, yes, I could undermine my own recovery if I start thinking that my detachment is going to fix our relationship. It did bring some peace and some totally unexpected positive behavior, that's for sure. I am aware that those may not last for a long time.
I know that my hubby felt the change, but it is absolutely irrelevant how he feels, because this is all about me now. And I like it.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by firebolt 
A little of the same is going on in my household. Problem is, I'm getting used to my me time and friends time, and enjoying the hell out of it....and it's getting so I don't WANT him there a lot of the time, even though his drinking is substantially less, and now for some reason he wants to be present. Go figure..
Same here. I'm enjoying my alone time so much.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I was wondering that + I was also wondering why are we usually the ones who have to make steps and file for divorce.
But you know what I learned today? How to grill out, all by myself. Set the fire and all. We had a plan to have a bbq today, and of course it did not work out for him. But I had my burger. And tomorrow, the weather is supposed to be beautiful. And I love the colors.
But you know what I learned today? How to grill out, all by myself. Set the fire and all. We had a plan to have a bbq today, and of course it did not work out for him. But I had my burger. And tomorrow, the weather is supposed to be beautiful. And I love the colors.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
Oh and I wonder about the divorce thing also. My AH acted like this with his first wife and kept being a jerk to force her to file first.
He has told me several times to file for divorce. I wonder what they know that we don't. Maybe it looks like they are the victim and the one that the judge should feel sorry for because the woman they lie filed for divorce.
He has told me several times to file for divorce. I wonder what they know that we don't. Maybe it looks like they are the victim and the one that the judge should feel sorry for because the woman they lie filed for divorce.
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