Springs

As I've written about here before I've been living apart from my RAH since mid May (when there was no R yet). I have to leave the apartment I've generously been gifted a stay in by 10/1 the latest, and have asked my husband to find a sublet for at least the next two months so that I can move back to our apartment. He's agreed but I have serious doubts about whether he'll actually follow through and take action and actually make arrangements, pack up stuff and leave on time. He claims to be 85 days sober, and does seem different in a good way, but still seems fairly mixed up in how he's approaching the world.

I have a back up plan of a place I can stay for a week or two if he doesn't actually move out already set up and arranged.

Emotionally, there is no way I can live with him again so soon.

I am so anxious about all of this. I know I chose to ask to be back in our apartment (I miss my stuff and am so grateful to have been lent apartments so I could leave for the summer but just want to be back home.). I know my anxiety comes from giving him some control over this situation but that is what I have done. Any advice on how to get through the next month with less anxiety about the outcome? Should I change the plan and just find a sublet for myself (which will be way less nice then being home and he'll still get to stay in our nice apartment with our comforting things)?

Ugh. Any thoughts or suggestions are much appreciated.

AnvilheadII

I wouldn't even consider moving back in unless he was GONE.

Springs

Oh, I won't move back unless he's moved out. I'm just stressed as to whether he will leave or won't.

ZenMe

Springs,

Do you own that apartment or rent?

I would line up a place, I mean a REAL place. Not a 1-2 week in case he doesn't give up the apartment.

Find a place that has a few vacancies, don't sign a lease, just be ready. If he doesn't move out, move into your new place, call a moving company and get your stuff out. If he owns the apartment with you it could turn into a legal pia and there's always that to keep you hooked in.

Painful but you need some stability, I wouldn't keep crashing places.

Springs

We rent - four more months on the lease. I think you're right ZenMe. It is really sad and hard to develop a more permanent back up plan but I'll start taking steps. Ugh.

Springs

confession - I have not done anything to develop this back up plan. I have tried to be strong during this whole crisis with my husband's alcoholism and take care of myself but I just don't think I can do this. I really don't. I won't go back to living with him until I feel secure in his recovery, and in my own emotions, but making a permanent arrangement just feels so beyond where I'm able to be at.