The Men I Meet
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The Men I Meet
I seem to be on a roll. I do a lot of intense endurance sports and so there are always a lot of guys around. Lately I have been doing a lot of training and competitions.
Today I headed out alone for a race in the mountains. I met a guy then saw him again a few times during the event. He was nice and, um, gorgeous. Later, I saw him hanging out with a young woman and thought, well she makes sense with him as this guy is way younger than me.
Anyway, then this group hooks up with me over pasta after the race. With them is this dreamy blond guy sitting next to me. He and I get to talking and talking. I am thinking he's acting like he wants to get to know me but does he have any idea how old I am.
Then guy #1 turns out to win 3rd place. I win 1st for my category. Guy #2 gets 6th. Guy #2 leaves for a while. Then his friend is asking me questions, like maybe why My x is an x. I avoid answering. Guy #2 and I go for a walk. He wants to see me again. He kisses me!
Then I am biking with too much gear and guy #1 rides by on his bike. We ride and talk. My stuff is getting ripped up by my bike wheel so he offers to help me. We bike and talk and it's the most fun, relaxed conversation. We are zooming downhill, then together staring into each other's eyes, then zooming some more. We part ways with plans to see each other again.
I get home and look these two up on the race list. They are both born in...1981! I am, like, 48 years old.
This happened last year with a couple guys on my team that age asking me out. I have so much fun with these beautiful young fellows because we can laugh and they don't know much so it's just lightness. It is play and I do just want to play outside with a guy. Train hard, but play, too. these guys have no idea about so much. A mature man looks at me and is thinking about all kinds of practical issues. Like my four children. The young ones seem to like me. I have no clue why I can't attract many fellows my own age but these beautiful Ironmen 30 somethings hang around. Maybe because of what I just said. The ramifications don't weigh on them.
Anyway, am I even allowed to date? I am legally separated with AH. Not divorced.
Today I headed out alone for a race in the mountains. I met a guy then saw him again a few times during the event. He was nice and, um, gorgeous. Later, I saw him hanging out with a young woman and thought, well she makes sense with him as this guy is way younger than me.
Anyway, then this group hooks up with me over pasta after the race. With them is this dreamy blond guy sitting next to me. He and I get to talking and talking. I am thinking he's acting like he wants to get to know me but does he have any idea how old I am.
Then guy #1 turns out to win 3rd place. I win 1st for my category. Guy #2 gets 6th. Guy #2 leaves for a while. Then his friend is asking me questions, like maybe why My x is an x. I avoid answering. Guy #2 and I go for a walk. He wants to see me again. He kisses me!
Then I am biking with too much gear and guy #1 rides by on his bike. We ride and talk. My stuff is getting ripped up by my bike wheel so he offers to help me. We bike and talk and it's the most fun, relaxed conversation. We are zooming downhill, then together staring into each other's eyes, then zooming some more. We part ways with plans to see each other again.
I get home and look these two up on the race list. They are both born in...1981! I am, like, 48 years old.
This happened last year with a couple guys on my team that age asking me out. I have so much fun with these beautiful young fellows because we can laugh and they don't know much so it's just lightness. It is play and I do just want to play outside with a guy. Train hard, but play, too. these guys have no idea about so much. A mature man looks at me and is thinking about all kinds of practical issues. Like my four children. The young ones seem to like me. I have no clue why I can't attract many fellows my own age but these beautiful Ironmen 30 somethings hang around. Maybe because of what I just said. The ramifications don't weigh on them.
Anyway, am I even allowed to date? I am legally separated with AH. Not divorced.
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I just thought of something. You know what? The youngs guys bring out the part of me that used to be me before AH came along and did his best to extinguish my youth and my joy. These guys are the age I was before AH turned to drink. Before all the lights dimmed.
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That just might be true.
I found guy#1 on the internet. He's all over it. He's on the Olympic team here.
No wonder that race was so hard. Those people I am competing with are monster fit. All this madness I have been living, I have been working out like a fiend to keep my head together. So now I am fitter and I don't even realize where I have put myself in these races.
What a crazy adventure life is! I am telling you though, working out has a lot more perks than psych meds!
I found guy#1 on the internet. He's all over it. He's on the Olympic team here.
No wonder that race was so hard. Those people I am competing with are monster fit. All this madness I have been living, I have been working out like a fiend to keep my head together. So now I am fitter and I don't even realize where I have put myself in these races.
What a crazy adventure life is! I am telling you though, working out has a lot more perks than psych meds!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
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I haven't been to the gym since AH's accident. I had to freeze the acct and I'll tell you, when I was lifting weights and whatnot... OMG!!! I felt like a POWER HOUSE! It was great! I can't wait to go back.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
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You both are an inspiration! Am trying to get back in shape and lose some weight. I guess I am going to start at the gym at work after work. Not real thrilled with working out with coworkers, but until I can find a treadmill or elliptical on craigslist that I can get at a reasonable price it will have to do.
Pippi - you go girl! Couger woman.
Pippi - you go girl! Couger woman.
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If you want to make changes in your life, I really recommend getting to a gym where there are other people you will meet. Or if the budget won't allow it, join a sports club.
I used to be really fit, then lost a lot of ground with child 3 and 4. Then took up the gym once or twice a week. I remember crawling up stairs after my workouts. I was so out of shape. People said I would never get it all back. I kept going anyway.
Then I moved and joined a sports club. The first time I saw the team I almost turned around and went back home. They are so muscled and fit. I kept with them despite my age, lack of experience, lack of language skills. I hardly belonged but they put up with me.
3 years later they keep getting stronger and faster so I'll never catch up! But they have pushed me to new levels and taught me so much. Plus, we go out together, have adventures, laugh, and they look out for me.
With races, I am meeting people and making more friends and seeing so much more of this country and culture.
The workouts keep me calm, give me confidence, and keep my body as young as a 48 year old body can be drilled into being.
It gives me an identity that isn't just 'struggling mother of four with abusive alcoholic ex who can't buy groceries because child support hasn't gone through yet and isn't enough to survive anyway' to something else entirely.
How this is all going to end up is anyone's guess. I keep waiting for the dust to settle but everything keeps changing and I can hardly process it all.
This is where I have to go back to one day at a time. Maybe I will get together with one of those guys I met yesterday and go for a mountain ride with them and have some fun. Maybe I will forget getting a 'real job' and become a personal trainer like everyone keeps telling me to do. Maybe these young guys will find themselves less charmed by me when they see more of my life up close. But it's today that I can do something about so maybe I will make it another good one.
Go work out you all! It's worth it!
I used to be really fit, then lost a lot of ground with child 3 and 4. Then took up the gym once or twice a week. I remember crawling up stairs after my workouts. I was so out of shape. People said I would never get it all back. I kept going anyway.
Then I moved and joined a sports club. The first time I saw the team I almost turned around and went back home. They are so muscled and fit. I kept with them despite my age, lack of experience, lack of language skills. I hardly belonged but they put up with me.
3 years later they keep getting stronger and faster so I'll never catch up! But they have pushed me to new levels and taught me so much. Plus, we go out together, have adventures, laugh, and they look out for me.
With races, I am meeting people and making more friends and seeing so much more of this country and culture.
The workouts keep me calm, give me confidence, and keep my body as young as a 48 year old body can be drilled into being.
It gives me an identity that isn't just 'struggling mother of four with abusive alcoholic ex who can't buy groceries because child support hasn't gone through yet and isn't enough to survive anyway' to something else entirely.
How this is all going to end up is anyone's guess. I keep waiting for the dust to settle but everything keeps changing and I can hardly process it all.
This is where I have to go back to one day at a time. Maybe I will get together with one of those guys I met yesterday and go for a mountain ride with them and have some fun. Maybe I will forget getting a 'real job' and become a personal trainer like everyone keeps telling me to do. Maybe these young guys will find themselves less charmed by me when they see more of my life up close. But it's today that I can do something about so maybe I will make it another good one.
Go work out you all! It's worth it!
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Good for you!! And 2 of of them at that! This is the kind of ego/esteem boost that I think we all need from time to time.
I have heard that many young men like older women because we are experienced, know what we want, and won't pressure them for marriage and kids as most of us have already done that. I think to them it's a low pressure, light, fun relationship.
There's no harm in having a little fun. Go for it!
I have heard that many young men like older women because we are experienced, know what we want, and won't pressure them for marriage and kids as most of us have already done that. I think to them it's a low pressure, light, fun relationship.
There's no harm in having a little fun. Go for it!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Good for you, taking such good care of your body, Pippi!
As for the dating thing and the age difference, I can say for myself that I've been in age-different relationships with someone 15 years older, and 8 years older. The 15 year gap was definitely too much for me, and the 8 year difference was marked but might have been workable if alcoholism hadn't been an issue. I also briefly dated a man 10 years younger but he was looking to "have fun" and I was looking to have fun IN a relationship.
Women I know who have dated men 10+ younger have all told me the same sorts of things such as what it's like to be older and at a different aging point, not becoming "the mother" in the relationship, as well as the marriage/baby/family question.
I don't think there are any clear answers, but I know for me that 5-7 years is likely the limit. (Now that I've said that, however, I fully recognize that things are rarely as black and white as I often try to make them!)
Congrats on your newly emerging life, and good luck in your training!
posie
As for the dating thing and the age difference, I can say for myself that I've been in age-different relationships with someone 15 years older, and 8 years older. The 15 year gap was definitely too much for me, and the 8 year difference was marked but might have been workable if alcoholism hadn't been an issue. I also briefly dated a man 10 years younger but he was looking to "have fun" and I was looking to have fun IN a relationship.
Women I know who have dated men 10+ younger have all told me the same sorts of things such as what it's like to be older and at a different aging point, not becoming "the mother" in the relationship, as well as the marriage/baby/family question.
I don't think there are any clear answers, but I know for me that 5-7 years is likely the limit. (Now that I've said that, however, I fully recognize that things are rarely as black and white as I often try to make them!)
Congrats on your newly emerging life, and good luck in your training!
posie
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
Pippi,
I love what you said about your training giving you an identity that isn't the wife of an abusive alcoholic. I started cross fit training almost a year ago (heavy emphasis on russian kettle bells). It not only changed how I perceive myself but gave me something else that was not somehow connected to him. I had never trained in any sort of way before even though I was not overweight and not a couch potato. But now, I feel strong and it impacts every part of my life for the better. It's not a cure-all, but fitness is one awesome tool in my arsenal.
Good for you Pippi.
With regard to the younger men.....I think you are wise enough to know when the age is a negative. Enjoy the positive attention, just keep your head.
MamaKit
I love what you said about your training giving you an identity that isn't the wife of an abusive alcoholic. I started cross fit training almost a year ago (heavy emphasis on russian kettle bells). It not only changed how I perceive myself but gave me something else that was not somehow connected to him. I had never trained in any sort of way before even though I was not overweight and not a couch potato. But now, I feel strong and it impacts every part of my life for the better. It's not a cure-all, but fitness is one awesome tool in my arsenal.
Good for you Pippi.
With regard to the younger men.....I think you are wise enough to know when the age is a negative. Enjoy the positive attention, just keep your head.
MamaKit
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I think with the athletes I have known, what I have experienced over the past 3 years is largely a question of demographics. The men in their early 30s are really into their sports. They are strong, look great, and are performing at a high level. Maybe they have a certain woman in their lives and people around them are getting married and having children. These guys know that in starting a family they are going to have to buckle down, make more money and give up lots of their sports time and fitness successes.
Then I come along and I just want to have fun doing sports with them. With me and my four children, there's no need for them to give up sports to bring up a little one. I am way more interesting than the young ones, maybe. Their girlfriends don't share their same passion for sports and pressure them to do other things. Me, I am there training and working in a necessarily intimate way beside them.
This was probably the case with the young guys on the team who were interested in me last year. I let them go and they have since both settled down with girlfriends they were reconsidering earlier.
Guy #2 yesterday seemed like he was getting himself back on the dating scene after a relationship didn't work out. My guess is that she didn't get his sports passion and they split up in part over that. Now his sports friends are urging him to hook up with an athletic gal. So that is why that afternoon with them felt like an interview...
Guy #1 has a real job but he is also a semi-pro athlete and that takes another 20+ hours out of his week. He is traveling across the world in competitions and he wants to ride this wave of success for as long as he can. He is bright, beautiful and healthy. If I were his mother I would be so taken by him and proud. And maybe I would hope that he would have the pleasures of raising a child. Unless I had a pile of grandchildren to look forward to anyway. Then I would just want him to be happy.
I have checked him out on the internet enough to see what a gem he is. I would definitely have fun with him! He has some of the characteristics of Stbxah but hopefully without the personality disorder and alcoholism!
He is also too young!
But the older 30 somethings are having babies. They show up at events in a bad mood because at some point I am beating them at the races. That is rather annoying. Then they see my time posted next to theirs on our team website and everyone points out that Pippi is faster than them!
By the time a guy is my age, he has dedicated to his wife and family, or something's gone wrong and he is divorced. Then he is cranky and dispirited and looking for a younger woman to heal his pride and cheer him up. Me and my burdens he understands and they would like my stbx to fall off a cliff already. But they don't want to weighten their lives with my financial/emotional/familial challenges.
There are a couple middle aged divorced guys around who have expressed interest in me. One of them I may date just to see. But they both seem old to me.
I want to play. I want to forget my troubles and move on. That the young fellows can help with. Part of me also can conceed that this older fellow understands my plight, is still interested, has money/assetts/stability and leisure time. In the blink of an eye, hooking up with him would ease all my financial and immigration woes, just like that.
And there I have gone and future-tripped. It's so strange to have Stbxah treating me so horridly and contrast that to the lovely people around me.
Out of the shadows and into the sunlight!
Then I come along and I just want to have fun doing sports with them. With me and my four children, there's no need for them to give up sports to bring up a little one. I am way more interesting than the young ones, maybe. Their girlfriends don't share their same passion for sports and pressure them to do other things. Me, I am there training and working in a necessarily intimate way beside them.
This was probably the case with the young guys on the team who were interested in me last year. I let them go and they have since both settled down with girlfriends they were reconsidering earlier.
Guy #2 yesterday seemed like he was getting himself back on the dating scene after a relationship didn't work out. My guess is that she didn't get his sports passion and they split up in part over that. Now his sports friends are urging him to hook up with an athletic gal. So that is why that afternoon with them felt like an interview...
Guy #1 has a real job but he is also a semi-pro athlete and that takes another 20+ hours out of his week. He is traveling across the world in competitions and he wants to ride this wave of success for as long as he can. He is bright, beautiful and healthy. If I were his mother I would be so taken by him and proud. And maybe I would hope that he would have the pleasures of raising a child. Unless I had a pile of grandchildren to look forward to anyway. Then I would just want him to be happy.
I have checked him out on the internet enough to see what a gem he is. I would definitely have fun with him! He has some of the characteristics of Stbxah but hopefully without the personality disorder and alcoholism!
He is also too young!
But the older 30 somethings are having babies. They show up at events in a bad mood because at some point I am beating them at the races. That is rather annoying. Then they see my time posted next to theirs on our team website and everyone points out that Pippi is faster than them!
By the time a guy is my age, he has dedicated to his wife and family, or something's gone wrong and he is divorced. Then he is cranky and dispirited and looking for a younger woman to heal his pride and cheer him up. Me and my burdens he understands and they would like my stbx to fall off a cliff already. But they don't want to weighten their lives with my financial/emotional/familial challenges.
There are a couple middle aged divorced guys around who have expressed interest in me. One of them I may date just to see. But they both seem old to me.
I want to play. I want to forget my troubles and move on. That the young fellows can help with. Part of me also can conceed that this older fellow understands my plight, is still interested, has money/assetts/stability and leisure time. In the blink of an eye, hooking up with him would ease all my financial and immigration woes, just like that.
And there I have gone and future-tripped. It's so strange to have Stbxah treating me so horridly and contrast that to the lovely people around me.
Out of the shadows and into the sunlight!
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Ok, so jealous here. Not of the men thing, because that just sounds fun and even though I don't work out much, I still can get 'looks' on the tennis courts from guys of all ages, LOL!
I'm jealous of your level of training and exercise. MAN, that is awesome. I am 43 and have so many injuries from years of tennis on the hard courts; plantar fascitis pain in my right foot(despite orthotics and 100 trips to various podiatrists and even tried cortisone shots), knee issue where cartilage likes to float around and lock the joint every once in a while (thank goodness the MRI didn't show the torn meniscus I was originally diagnosed with, LOL), and sciatica on the right side, too. I played 10 hours of tennis this past week and did an hour of yoga to stretch it all out and I feel like I've been run over by a truck!
I used to teach step aerobics and conditioning classes and then I moved on into teaching yoga and pilates classes. My injuries kept piling up, though, and I couldn't teach yoga anymore because of terrible tennis elbow. Try doing chatarunga with a bad elbow, ugh! Now, the elbow is better but it's my foot that gives me the most trouble. I just ordered orthotics to go into my NAOT shoes for the fall so that I can get out of my beloved flip flops. Yep, I'm giving up the flip flops for the ugly mules and sandals with removable footbeds so that I can TRY to get my feet healthy again. It's going to be cooler here soon and I want to start hiking and biking again, too.
Anyway, I love your story. I think it's awesome that you are attracting young men who appreciate you for who you are. Which, to me, sounds like you are basically a bad as* on the trails!
I'm jealous of your level of training and exercise. MAN, that is awesome. I am 43 and have so many injuries from years of tennis on the hard courts; plantar fascitis pain in my right foot(despite orthotics and 100 trips to various podiatrists and even tried cortisone shots), knee issue where cartilage likes to float around and lock the joint every once in a while (thank goodness the MRI didn't show the torn meniscus I was originally diagnosed with, LOL), and sciatica on the right side, too. I played 10 hours of tennis this past week and did an hour of yoga to stretch it all out and I feel like I've been run over by a truck!
I used to teach step aerobics and conditioning classes and then I moved on into teaching yoga and pilates classes. My injuries kept piling up, though, and I couldn't teach yoga anymore because of terrible tennis elbow. Try doing chatarunga with a bad elbow, ugh! Now, the elbow is better but it's my foot that gives me the most trouble. I just ordered orthotics to go into my NAOT shoes for the fall so that I can get out of my beloved flip flops. Yep, I'm giving up the flip flops for the ugly mules and sandals with removable footbeds so that I can TRY to get my feet healthy again. It's going to be cooler here soon and I want to start hiking and biking again, too.
Anyway, I love your story. I think it's awesome that you are attracting young men who appreciate you for who you are. Which, to me, sounds like you are basically a bad as* on the trails!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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What an inspiring conversation. I started mountain biking several years ago, and since I have had NO Contact with Ex-AB have really pumped up the biking. Yesterday I biked 30 miles and it was GREAT! I am leaning out and my confidence is coming back. It's interesting that with the growing confidence the less desire I have for "a relationship" and the more I like the idea of dating and playing for now.
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Awesome nbay! I totally believe that in building (and beautifying!) my body and embracing my sports, I stand taller and more confident and good things follow.
I have stood on the podium twice this month and won prizes. I am psyched! Having a schedule of races keeps me inspired. Some I do for the experience, some to be with my team, others to try to win.
Keep working on that bike! 30 miles is great! Are you on a team? It's so fun to ride with a group! Personally, I love riding around our lake and hooking up with the various European teams that ride all Sunday together! They make me work!
I have stood on the podium twice this month and won prizes. I am psyched! Having a schedule of races keeps me inspired. Some I do for the experience, some to be with my team, others to try to win.
Keep working on that bike! 30 miles is great! Are you on a team? It's so fun to ride with a group! Personally, I love riding around our lake and hooking up with the various European teams that ride all Sunday together! They make me work!
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Awesome nbay! I totally believe that in building (and beautifying!) my body and embracing my sports, I stand taller and more confident and good things follow.
I have stood on the podium twice this month and won prizes. I am psyched! Having a schedule of races keeps me inspired. Some I do for the experience, some to be with my team, others to try to win.
Keep working on that bike! 30 miles is great! Are you on a team? It's so fun to ride with a group! Personally, I love riding around our lake and hooking up with the various European teams that ride all Sunday together! They make me work!
I have stood on the podium twice this month and won prizes. I am psyched! Having a schedule of races keeps me inspired. Some I do for the experience, some to be with my team, others to try to win.
Keep working on that bike! 30 miles is great! Are you on a team? It's so fun to ride with a group! Personally, I love riding around our lake and hooking up with the various European teams that ride all Sunday together! They make me work!
Wow, congratulations on the prizes. And as far as young men? This is one of those things that women HAVE to get more comfortable doing. Many younger men don't care about age; just like women in their 30's date men in their 40's and up all the time. Ain't no thang. So, be a leader! Eventually the word, "Cougar" will die away as it becomes more normal to date a variety of ages. You are awesome. You're a woman in your 40's, you are athletic and dating who YOU choose. You rock!
Yeah, my butt hurts from the 30 miles! lol. I finally gave into the padded biking pants once I hit 20 miles. I have not joined a group because they are all street bikes and we mountain bikers go a lot slower with our fat tires. Mountain bikers are mostly really young boys (teens and early twenties) and generally are loners. So for now, it's a solo activity.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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I don't think the word cougar will die away. JUST because there are certain woman who target younger men and entice them with their sexy experienced womanly ways =P.
As for ages I'm with you. I'm in my 30s, a lot of my friends are in the 35-45 range and I gravitate towards older women. Just get along easier. My xagf is 8 years older than me and was a ton of fun! -all the craziness.
There are plenty of younger guys out there that are mature and stable. Many people outside of my core group of friends that still hang out are coming off divorces. They all find someone to hook up with and it feels like high-school with all the drama haha.
There are tons of 30-40s who mountain bike, road bike and ski here. My next gf has to be active and ski, otherwise we wouldn't hang out during winter.
Either way ladies, have fun and enjoy it!
As for ages I'm with you. I'm in my 30s, a lot of my friends are in the 35-45 range and I gravitate towards older women. Just get along easier. My xagf is 8 years older than me and was a ton of fun! -all the craziness.
There are plenty of younger guys out there that are mature and stable. Many people outside of my core group of friends that still hang out are coming off divorces. They all find someone to hook up with and it feels like high-school with all the drama haha.
There are tons of 30-40s who mountain bike, road bike and ski here. My next gf has to be active and ski, otherwise we wouldn't hang out during winter.
Either way ladies, have fun and enjoy it!
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
Anyway, am I even allowed to date? I am legally separated with AH. Not divorced.
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