Not burning out friends
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by Seren 
When I had a bad breakup with a particular ex....I began to wear out my welcome with certain friends. I realized that if my friends are important to me, I need to call them and ask about them and their day and their life, not just talk about mine.
So that's what I began to do. And you know what? It helped me, too! I was able to think about and talk about something other than my own pain and hurt, and it helped me to get past it. It helped me to get out of my own head, so to speak.
So that's what I began to do. And you know what? It helped me, too! I was able to think about and talk about something other than my own pain and hurt, and it helped me to get past it. It helped me to get out of my own head, so to speak.
Often if they ask about RAH I plainly tell them that it's not worth getting into, that it irks me to hear myself talk about the same things over & over like a record needle stuck in a groove. *I* can't stand to hear it after a while, especially when it's the same behaviors & patterns repeating over & over.
At some point I realized that I'm the one that started to sound like a fool (especially to those that don't know much about dealing with addiction) for continuing to put up with it & then acting surprised everytime the cycle repeated. I got tired of casting MYSELF in that light.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, ca
Posts: 268
FireSprite; Just a reality check. You are not a fool. The damage we experience is very real and has to be addressed. As partners of addicts/alcoholics we can easily fall into shame into how deeply affected we are. So we STILL need to talk about it; often over and over and process our pain/trauma/sadness/confusion/anger ----(and more). For me I just have to choose the venue where that is appropriate; for me it's this site and my therapist.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Oh, yes I know that! I've never been shy about calling a spade, a spade. 
It's hard not to SOUND like a fool sometimes though, to those that know nothing about active addiction.
And short of educating them on addiction they won't "get it" so they just continue to wonder why my life always seems to be in some state of upheaval and why I can't seem to take control. It's not worth explaining the whole 9 yards so I skip it altogether except with my very closest friends who are willing to take the time to learn because they DO care that much, and it helps them give me great support by having a better understanding. Even at that though, it gets old sounding like a broken record after a while.
It's hard not to SOUND like a fool sometimes though, to those that know nothing about active addiction.
And short of educating them on addiction they won't "get it" so they just continue to wonder why my life always seems to be in some state of upheaval and why I can't seem to take control. It's not worth explaining the whole 9 yards so I skip it altogether except with my very closest friends who are willing to take the time to learn because they DO care that much, and it helps them give me great support by having a better understanding. Even at that though, it gets old sounding like a broken record after a while.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, ca
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by FireSprite
Oh, yes I know that! I've never been shy about calling a spade, a spade.
It's hard not to SOUND like a fool sometimes though, to those that know nothing about active addiction.
And short of educating them on addiction they won't "get it" so they just continue to wonder why my life always seems to be in some state of upheaval and why I can't seem to take control. It's not worth explaining the whole 9 yards so I skip it altogether except with my very closest friends who are willing to take the time to learn because they DO care that much, and it helps them give me great support by having a better understanding. Even at that though, it gets old sounding like a broken record after a while.
It's hard not to SOUND like a fool sometimes though, to those that know nothing about active addiction.
And short of educating them on addiction they won't "get it" so they just continue to wonder why my life always seems to be in some state of upheaval and why I can't seem to take control. It's not worth explaining the whole 9 yards so I skip it altogether except with my very closest friends who are willing to take the time to learn because they DO care that much, and it helps them give me great support by having a better understanding. Even at that though, it gets old sounding like a broken record after a while.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
When I went through my breakup I tried to keep the depressing sharing with my Alanon sponsor and a shrink because I knew I was in a very frightened, negative place. I answered basic questions then shifted quickly to another topic of conversation. It also helped to get out of my own head and listen to someone else, like taking a vacation from myself.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Our friends who haven't been there, done that, are unable to understand even when they try. I know it frustrates them terribly to hear about it at times. NT is a great plan, for them AND for my own well being.
I read up on alcoholism when I met my then-recovering husband, and I thought I knew what it was all about.
I knew nothing.
I am so grateful to have a place to "go" where people get it. They may tell me hard truths but they aren't judging me or what I choose.
I read up on alcoholism when I met my then-recovering husband, and I thought I knew what it was all about.
I knew nothing.
I am so grateful to have a place to "go" where people get it. They may tell me hard truths but they aren't judging me or what I choose.
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