Cousin asks for help and then...
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Upstate NY, in the Adirondacks
Posts: 232
Cousin asks for help and then...
I had this on the Alcoholism thread and then thought I should put the follow up on here.
I am sober just over 3 years, and my cousin contacted me a few months ago via Facebook to tell me she wanted to quit drinking and go to inpatient for detox and maybe a week of rehab. She says this is all the time she can get off from work. She is about 49, and very small, maybe 100 pounds tops. She has been drinking a big bottle of wine every day, and often blacks out. Her sister told me that she will drink before lunch if very stressed out.
She keeps saying that she will go to rehab "when work lightens up," etc. she now has it scheduled for Oct 1st. She asked me to talk to her sister, which I did, and her sister hates to get involved, but spoke to my cousin's husband, who got angry. My cousin's sister says this is why she doesnt get involved - they ask her for her opinion or help, and then get mad at it.
This is a reason I don't like going to AA, and use a different program. I am not good at being played, and I think my cousin and her husband are doing their own toxic dance, and I don't want to get involved in the middle. He dislikes me anyway because we are very different politically. She asks for help, but I think it's when she is drinking, as it is at night usually.
So I think I should disentangle myself right now, but how do I do it? I don't want her to be angry at her sister or blame her for my backing away, because it isn't that reason. It's the games I don't want to play. How do I say this nicely?
Thanks for any advice,
Nancy
I am sober just over 3 years, and my cousin contacted me a few months ago via Facebook to tell me she wanted to quit drinking and go to inpatient for detox and maybe a week of rehab. She says this is all the time she can get off from work. She is about 49, and very small, maybe 100 pounds tops. She has been drinking a big bottle of wine every day, and often blacks out. Her sister told me that she will drink before lunch if very stressed out.
She keeps saying that she will go to rehab "when work lightens up," etc. she now has it scheduled for Oct 1st. She asked me to talk to her sister, which I did, and her sister hates to get involved, but spoke to my cousin's husband, who got angry. My cousin's sister says this is why she doesnt get involved - they ask her for her opinion or help, and then get mad at it.
This is a reason I don't like going to AA, and use a different program. I am not good at being played, and I think my cousin and her husband are doing their own toxic dance, and I don't want to get involved in the middle. He dislikes me anyway because we are very different politically. She asks for help, but I think it's when she is drinking, as it is at night usually.
So I think I should disentangle myself right now, but how do I do it? I don't want her to be angry at her sister or blame her for my backing away, because it isn't that reason. It's the games I don't want to play. How do I say this nicely?
Thanks for any advice,
Nancy
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
I think your complicating the situation. I know how family can be and how they make you all crazy and confused and walking on eggshells. My family islike that but at some point you have to pull the bandaid and stand up for yourself.
Just do it and do it quick and say it nicely.
Your a recovering addict yourself....the situation is stressful...if they dont understand then thats their problem and they are being unreasonable.not you.
You have no reason to feel bad.
Just do it and do it quick and say it nicely.
Your a recovering addict yourself....the situation is stressful...if they dont understand then thats their problem and they are being unreasonable.not you.
You have no reason to feel bad.
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