King Toddler Strikes Again
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
King Toddler Strikes Again
And then I walked out.
So, same old drama. King Toddler this time did not like the Chinese food we ordered (actually was hungry still - "Whole day, I have only one dang meal," he says. Guys, you should see our fridge right now. There are at least 20 cans of beer.) He starts the monologue, but I was out before he finished even 2 sentences. I had that bad feeling in me again (I think it is an adrenaline rush, but not the one that people like), but a voice kept telling me "no, do not fight, he wants that." I wanted to stay in the apartment and actually ignore him, just like I did last weekend, but he was way too annoying.
So, I took my keys and wallet and went out for a walk. On the way out, I was crying almost. I'm OK now. Feeling victorious again. The toddler is in the bedroom, possibly sleeping.
So, same old drama. King Toddler this time did not like the Chinese food we ordered (actually was hungry still - "Whole day, I have only one dang meal," he says. Guys, you should see our fridge right now. There are at least 20 cans of beer.) He starts the monologue, but I was out before he finished even 2 sentences. I had that bad feeling in me again (I think it is an adrenaline rush, but not the one that people like), but a voice kept telling me "no, do not fight, he wants that." I wanted to stay in the apartment and actually ignore him, just like I did last weekend, but he was way too annoying.
So, I took my keys and wallet and went out for a walk. On the way out, I was crying almost. I'm OK now. Feeling victorious again. The toddler is in the bedroom, possibly sleeping.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
I'm sorry for your situation.
You are doing very well and taking responsibility for your actions.
At the veteran's hospital the occupational therapists' would hand out weekly King Baby Awards. Phew talk about some guys getting bent out of shape or embarrassed. Now these were very smart female therapists swatting these hard ass addicts and alkies upside the head.
Pulling for you.
You are doing very well and taking responsibility for your actions.
At the veteran's hospital the occupational therapists' would hand out weekly King Baby Awards. Phew talk about some guys getting bent out of shape or embarrassed. Now these were very smart female therapists swatting these hard ass addicts and alkies upside the head.
Pulling for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I hope I did not, pravchaw. And I am seriously considering checking an AA meeting out. I joined this forum 3 years ago (three???) but started actively participating this past month. And my control over my words has improved greatly. It still breaks my heart that my AH is actually playing this game with me, because I still feel like I would do anything for him (why so much bile coming my way?). However, everything that I read on here proved to be much more effective than any yelling and screaming.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Originally Posted by healthyagain 
I hope I did not, pravchaw. And I am seriously considering checking an AA meeting out. I joined this forum 3 years ago (three???) but started actively participating this past month. And my control over my words has improved greatly. It still breaks my heart that my AH is actually playing this game with me, because I still feel like I would do anything for him (why so much bile coming my way?). However, everything that I read on here proved to be much more effective than any yelling and screaming.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by healthyagain
And then I walked out.
So, same old drama. King Toddler this time did not like the Chinese food we ordered (actually was hungry still - "Whole day, I have only one dang meal," he says. Guys, you should see our fridge right now. There are at least 20 cans of beer.) He starts the monologue, but I was out before he finished even 2 sentences. I had that bad feeling in me again (I think it is an adrenaline rush, but not the one that people like), but a voice kept telling me "no, do not fight, he wants that." I wanted to stay in the apartment and actually ignore him, just like I did last weekend, but he was way too annoying.
So, I took my keys and wallet and went out for a walk. On the way out, I was crying almost. I'm OK now. Feeling victorious again. The toddler is in the bedroom, possibly sleeping.
So, same old drama. King Toddler this time did not like the Chinese food we ordered (actually was hungry still - "Whole day, I have only one dang meal," he says. Guys, you should see our fridge right now. There are at least 20 cans of beer.) He starts the monologue, but I was out before he finished even 2 sentences. I had that bad feeling in me again (I think it is an adrenaline rush, but not the one that people like), but a voice kept telling me "no, do not fight, he wants that." I wanted to stay in the apartment and actually ignore him, just like I did last weekend, but he was way too annoying.
So, I took my keys and wallet and went out for a walk. On the way out, I was crying almost. I'm OK now. Feeling victorious again. The toddler is in the bedroom, possibly sleeping.
And aren't they so precious when they're SLEEPING?!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by healthyagain
And then I walked out.
So, same old drama. King Toddler this time did not like the Chinese food we ordered (actually was hungry still - "Whole day, I have only one dang meal," he says. Guys, you should see our fridge right now. There are at least 20 cans of beer.) He starts the monologue, but I was out before he finished even 2 sentences. I had that bad feeling in me again (I think it is an adrenaline rush, but not the one that people like), but a voice kept telling me "no, do not fight, he wants that." I wanted to stay in the apartment and actually ignore him, just like I did last weekend, but he was way too annoying.
So, I took my keys and wallet and went out for a walk. On the way out, I was crying almost. I'm OK now. Feeling victorious again. The toddler is in the bedroom, possibly sleeping.
So, same old drama. King Toddler this time did not like the Chinese food we ordered (actually was hungry still - "Whole day, I have only one dang meal," he says. Guys, you should see our fridge right now. There are at least 20 cans of beer.) He starts the monologue, but I was out before he finished even 2 sentences. I had that bad feeling in me again (I think it is an adrenaline rush, but not the one that people like), but a voice kept telling me "no, do not fight, he wants that." I wanted to stay in the apartment and actually ignore him, just like I did last weekend, but he was way too annoying.
So, I took my keys and wallet and went out for a walk. On the way out, I was crying almost. I'm OK now. Feeling victorious again. The toddler is in the bedroom, possibly sleeping.
But, as you can see, you're so much better off.....
And besides, he's going to do whatever it is that he does, so why should you have to be miserable with him?
What's the saying?
I can do bad all by myself.....
So, let him do that, while you continue being the Victorious Diva that are!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Brilliant move on your part! You can't change what he's gonna do, but you can decide not to be a willing participant. While I firmly believe we don't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it....I also believe we CAN contribute to the chaos by our own reactions. Walking away is often the best way to avoid that.
Great job taking care of YOU.
Great job taking care of YOU.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Thank you!
This morning's update:
The night was noisy, lots of door slamming, some cussing. I showed no emotions. I imagined that I was a rock, nothing could get out and nothing could come inside. I figured out that if the neighbors do call the police because of banging, I cannot get in trouble if I don't participate. And my hubby is a bit of a coward, so I do not think he wants the crap to come out in public. He yells to control me.
Then this morning, I saw he inactivated his Facebook profile (kind of a social network suicide, I guess). Not shocked really, but how mature is that? And for what? General Tso's chicken was not good enough?
I guess I'm not pampering his inner baby enough. So if a meal is not pleasing only one time, this is what I am going to get? Codependent or not, my inner voice is telling me "This is insanity!"
This morning's update:
The night was noisy, lots of door slamming, some cussing. I showed no emotions. I imagined that I was a rock, nothing could get out and nothing could come inside. I figured out that if the neighbors do call the police because of banging, I cannot get in trouble if I don't participate. And my hubby is a bit of a coward, so I do not think he wants the crap to come out in public. He yells to control me.
Then this morning, I saw he inactivated his Facebook profile (kind of a social network suicide, I guess). Not shocked really, but how mature is that? And for what? General Tso's chicken was not good enough?
I guess I'm not pampering his inner baby enough. So if a meal is not pleasing only one time, this is what I am going to get? Codependent or not, my inner voice is telling me "This is insanity!"
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by healthyagain
Thank you!
This morning's update:
The night was noisy, lots of door slamming, some cussing. I showed no emotions. I imagined that I was a rock, nothing could get out and nothing could come inside. I figured out that if the neighbors do call the police because of banging, I cannot get in trouble if I don't participate. And my hubby is a bit of a coward, so I do not think he wants the crap to come out in public. He yells to control me.
Then this morning, I saw he inactivated his Facebook profile (kind of a social network suicide, I guess). Not shocked really, but how mature is that? And for what? General Tso's chicken was not good enough?
I guess I'm not pampering his inner baby enough. So if a meal is not pleasing only one time, this is what I am going to get? Codependent or not, my inner voice is telling me "This is insanity!"
This morning's update:
The night was noisy, lots of door slamming, some cussing. I showed no emotions. I imagined that I was a rock, nothing could get out and nothing could come inside. I figured out that if the neighbors do call the police because of banging, I cannot get in trouble if I don't participate. And my hubby is a bit of a coward, so I do not think he wants the crap to come out in public. He yells to control me.
Then this morning, I saw he inactivated his Facebook profile (kind of a social network suicide, I guess). Not shocked really, but how mature is that? And for what? General Tso's chicken was not good enough?
I guess I'm not pampering his inner baby enough. So if a meal is not pleasing only one time, this is what I am going to get? Codependent or not, my inner voice is telling me "This is insanity!"
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 407
The night was noisy, lots of door slamming, some cussing. I showed no emotions. I imagined that I was a rock, nothing could get out and nothing could come inside. I figured out that if the neighbors do call the police because of banging, I cannot get in trouble if I don't participate. And my hubby is a bit of a coward, so I do not think he wants the crap to come out in public. He yells to control me.
Then this morning, I saw he inactivated his Facebook profile (kind of a social network suicide, I guess). Not shocked really, but how mature is that? And for what? General Tso's chicken was not good enough?
I guess I'm not pampering his inner baby enough. So if a meal is not pleasing only one time, this is what I am going to get? Codependent or not, my inner voice is telling me "This is insanity!"
Then this morning, I saw he inactivated his Facebook profile (kind of a social network suicide, I guess). Not shocked really, but how mature is that? And for what? General Tso's chicken was not good enough?
I guess I'm not pampering his inner baby enough. So if a meal is not pleasing only one time, this is what I am going to get? Codependent or not, my inner voice is telling me "This is insanity!"
Good luck to you; waiting for my own opportunity.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Understanding the timing and getting out are Good Things.
Back when we used to live in the Deep 'Hood South Dallas side of things, we had a junk man next door. Sort of like the old Sanford and Son type stuff, if you recall. Just real life is never as cute and funny as TV-Land.
Our junk man friend -- we called him Mr. Neal out of respect. Most of the crackers in the neighborhood called him n****r. He was somewhere between 70 and 80 years old. Was done to one eye, one working leg, and some days only one arm worked. But he would still drive his old (old, old) pickup truck around the South Side of Dallas, picking up junk and bringing it back to scrap out.
My partners and I would hang out and visit with him from time to time, and sometimes invite him to Holiday dinners, as we imagined him all alone in the world.
One day he stopped us and started telling us . . . .
--------------
"Boys, let me 'splain something to youse.
Mr. Neal has gots family. And we do get together on Holidays. They go like this.
About 10 in the morning Mr. Neal shows up.
About noon the food comes out.
About 2:00 the liquor comes out.
About 4:00 the guns come out.
But boys . . . . LONG before then . . . Mr. Neal has done gone home. Ha, ha, ha, ahhhh."
-------------------------
I loved Mr. Neal.
=============
So this long holiday weekend I figured maybe I would put Mr. Neal's methods into practice. We all went out to (severely Codie) Mother In Law's house for the weekend on Friday.
My Little A -- Mrs. Hammer as it were -- is still going strong on her lying addiction. I was just was getting new lies (where I am supposed to be some sort of bad guy) texted to me from her sponsor on Friday -- the goofball sponsor was thinking she was getting to scold me for some goofy lie retardation -- all made up by Mrs. Hammer.
But the the typical holiday weekend operation like this goes -- Mrs. Hammer goes out and tells all the lies she can think of to her mom. And they gossip back and forth, and by Monday, right after Mrs. Hammer has headed her lying ass out, her mom starts screaming at me about the various lies, and I ask what she is talking about, and then tell her the truth -- and then when she realizes that she (once again) has made an ass of herself -- cuts me off and says she "Does not want to discuss it."
okkkaaayyyy. Had this crap pulled on me one time too many.
So what would Mr. Neal Do? "Boys -- Mr. Neal has done gone home."
So I headed back to Dallas this morning (Sunday) and I am out of crazy lying gossip land.
Come Monday, they will be tired of the lies and drama (and each other) and will not have me to dump their crap on.
Hammer has done gone home. Mighty peaceful that way.
Back when we used to live in the Deep 'Hood South Dallas side of things, we had a junk man next door. Sort of like the old Sanford and Son type stuff, if you recall. Just real life is never as cute and funny as TV-Land.
Our junk man friend -- we called him Mr. Neal out of respect. Most of the crackers in the neighborhood called him n****r. He was somewhere between 70 and 80 years old. Was done to one eye, one working leg, and some days only one arm worked. But he would still drive his old (old, old) pickup truck around the South Side of Dallas, picking up junk and bringing it back to scrap out.
My partners and I would hang out and visit with him from time to time, and sometimes invite him to Holiday dinners, as we imagined him all alone in the world.
One day he stopped us and started telling us . . . .
--------------
"Boys, let me 'splain something to youse.
Mr. Neal has gots family. And we do get together on Holidays. They go like this.
About 10 in the morning Mr. Neal shows up.
About noon the food comes out.
About 2:00 the liquor comes out.
About 4:00 the guns come out.
But boys . . . . LONG before then . . . Mr. Neal has done gone home. Ha, ha, ha, ahhhh."
-------------------------
I loved Mr. Neal.
=============
So this long holiday weekend I figured maybe I would put Mr. Neal's methods into practice. We all went out to (severely Codie) Mother In Law's house for the weekend on Friday.
My Little A -- Mrs. Hammer as it were -- is still going strong on her lying addiction. I was just was getting new lies (where I am supposed to be some sort of bad guy) texted to me from her sponsor on Friday -- the goofball sponsor was thinking she was getting to scold me for some goofy lie retardation -- all made up by Mrs. Hammer.
But the the typical holiday weekend operation like this goes -- Mrs. Hammer goes out and tells all the lies she can think of to her mom. And they gossip back and forth, and by Monday, right after Mrs. Hammer has headed her lying ass out, her mom starts screaming at me about the various lies, and I ask what she is talking about, and then tell her the truth -- and then when she realizes that she (once again) has made an ass of herself -- cuts me off and says she "Does not want to discuss it."
okkkaaayyyy. Had this crap pulled on me one time too many.
So what would Mr. Neal Do? "Boys -- Mr. Neal has done gone home."
So I headed back to Dallas this morning (Sunday) and I am out of crazy lying gossip land.
Come Monday, they will be tired of the lies and drama (and each other) and will not have me to dump their crap on.
Hammer has done gone home. Mighty peaceful that way.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by Hammer
Understanding the timing and getting out are
My Little A -- Mrs. Hammer as it were -- is still going strong on her lying addiction. I was just was getting new lies (where I am supposed to be some sort of bad guy) texted to me from her sponsor on Friday -- the goofball sponsor was thinking she was getting to scold me for some goofy lie retardation -- all made up by Mrs. Hammer.
My Little A -- Mrs. Hammer as it were -- is still going strong on her lying addiction. I was just was getting new lies (where I am supposed to be some sort of bad guy) texted to me from her sponsor on Friday -- the goofball sponsor was thinking she was getting to scold me for some goofy lie retardation -- all made up by Mrs. Hammer.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
Oh, this Facebook move was so passive-aggressive. This is like "I won't be on your friends list anymore" and people gonna see that. Lol, I guess I should change my relationship status now to "It's complicated"? Hahaha, hilarious! Nah, what I really really hate is when people have those Facebook wars. I find it soooooo low.
You know what? I think my AH is trying to push my OLD buttons. Like his dish washing critique. Looong time ago, I told him that it is something that I really really hate doing (and it is silly really, because I really do not mind washing the dang dishes, it is just . . . hilarious!) Or when he criticizes my family. But I honestly do not have many buttons. I actually suck at romantic relationships, that has always been my problem, have always been a nerdy, clumsy girl.
Hmmm, Al Anon might be a very good idea now. I will not play Facebook dirty.
You know what? I think my AH is trying to push my OLD buttons. Like his dish washing critique. Looong time ago, I told him that it is something that I really really hate doing (and it is silly really, because I really do not mind washing the dang dishes, it is just . . . hilarious!) Or when he criticizes my family. But I honestly do not have many buttons. I actually suck at romantic relationships, that has always been my problem, have always been a nerdy, clumsy girl.
Hmmm, Al Anon might be a very good idea now. I will not play Facebook dirty.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I have to report that I was actually very surprised by the outcome last evening. After whole day spent in the bedroom, hubby came out. And I could tell the bitchiness was gone. I did not mention anything; he did not mention anything. I had taken a shower before he woke up and was ready for another walk. So, he was siting in the bedroom, kinda down, reading his book. I came in and told him that I was going out for a little walk. When I came back (an hour later), he cleaned the bedroom (which he messed up) and he even vacuum-cleaned. We even spent the evening together talking and watching TV. And his Facebook profile is back!
I am happy that we spent a quiet night together.
So, my detachment worked. Thank you for your support!
I am happy that we spent a quiet night together.
So, my detachment worked. Thank you for your support!
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