trixie56

Wow, totally rude! If I were you, I would delete that person permanently from your page. It's pretty delusional for that person to think that things didn't work out because you didn't love your ex. They consider alcoholism to be a "flaw" you should put up with? No, a "flaw" is always forgetting to turn lights off around the house or always running late.....not drinking and treating someone close to you like crap. Wow.

Sueski

Ugh, what a jerk Facebook Boy must be.

That said, block him. Honestly, don't torment yourself with that jerk's venom. You're right, he is rude. And he hasn't got a clue about much of anything, let alone what you've been through.

As for the ex, he has shown you as well as told you what his priorities are. You deserve more. Take care of yourself. Walk away, head held high, and find a guy who DOES want the things you do. Best of luck to you. I realize nothing about this is easy, and I'm sorry for the situation.

NWGRITS

Take comfort in the fact that Facebook Boy is stupid as well as an a-hole. His grasp of spelling and grammar is loose, at best.

Yes, ignoring his friends is probably going to be your best option at this point. You got the better end of this deal, sweetheart.

HopefulinFLA

This is just so awful! And to post it on Facebook??? Sounds like this guy just didn't want to lose his drinking buddy, and maybe was even a little threatened by you. Nobody knows but you and EXABF knows what really goes on behind closed doors after the "party" is over.

Do not let this insensitive creep get you down. Any time spent being thinking about this is a waste of your time.

Big big hugs to you!!

nbay2013

I remember my exab would tell me kind of casually an opinion of a friend. Usually it was something along the lines of "stand by your man". That hurt me because I did stand by him; just not in the way he wanted. You have to remember, these friends are not hearing your side; they don't know. Yeah, you have to blow if off; block the person. You don't need to see or hear that kind of silly Facebook high school nonsense.

shortayp18

Trixie i agree. Thank you for that. I needed that

shortayp18

What does it mean when you tell someone that you want to get sober and that your going to but then you dont end up doing it? Does it mean you kinda want it? Or you just dont know if you would be able to do it completely? BC my ex told his mom that he was going to get sober and that we were talking again...and then his mom just said i will pray for you guys. and i was shocked he actually told his mom that....i just dont understand how you can say your going to get sober, you wnt to be sober for yourself, and so you can be happy with me. And then all of a sudden say no nvmd its not going to work, thats not what i truley want.

SparkleKitty

I don't think it's anything but maddening to try to apply any kind of rational reasoning to anything an active addict says. That's why there is so much advice to pay attention to the A's ACTIONS and not his/her WORDS. We tend to want to understand -- maybe so we can reason out a "fix" -- but ultimately, we can get so wrapped up in figuring it out that we miss everything else that's happening in our life.

Ultimately, he said one thing, then he said something else that was contradictory. Those are the facts. Accepting them for what they are is the only way out of this fog.

trixie56

First off, I have to say that, even though it's painful, your ex did you a huge favor by being honest with you. My situation is a lot like yours, except my XABF just stood me up one day and totally vanished. I'm about 99% sure it's for the same reason your ex left, but I was just left to wonder. If anything my ex's irrational behavior just affirmed for me that he indeed has major issues...


I'm not an alcoholic, so I can't say for sure why they can say they want to change and then flip. But, based on what I experienced with my XABF, I think it could be a combination of things. My ex came back to me for the same reason yours came back to yo. And for a while, things with us went really well. But after he started getting drunk again, I saw that his desire to do so wasn't totally gone. When I picked him up from a bar and witnessed him in a shoving match, knocking a 60 year old guy to the ground in a crowd of people, I was scared and disturbed by how he just didn't care. He could've gone to jail (again) that night, lost his job, house, etc.,.But like SparkleKitty said, it's the ACTIONs my instincts were telling me to watch. His words were one thing, and his actions were so different...I wanted to believe his reasoning (excuse) like "This week was an exception, I don't normally do this" but my instincts were telling me to RUN.

My ex didn't think he was an alcoholic, to him it was just something he enjoyed doing. He failed to see (or care) how it instantly damaged our relationship, how it emotionally harms him. So, your ex probably did want to change and for what ever reason, he couldn't go through with it. Both of our ex's also probably don't know what their long-term identity would be if it didn't involve drinking: What would they do for fun? How would they spend time with their friends? To us non-addicts that might seem silly, since there are a million alternatives to drinking. But, our thinking is so different. It's a major life change, that might sounds easy on the surface to them, but when it's time to do it...Not so easy.

I can totally relate to what you're feeling! It's very hard to try to understand and accept.

HopefulinFLA

I think you make a good point Trixie. I think fear often has a lot to do with it. It really is a major life change for them, and it's only natural for anyone to feel at least a little apprehensive about making a big change. How would any of us feel about say moving to a foreign country. I imagine that must be similar to how it feels for an A.

This web site has lots of good articles written by a substance abuse counselor. I've found it very enlightening.

Is A Relapse Part of Recovery? | Family Recovery Solutions

Mirage74

Y'all probably know this, but when an alcoholic sobers up, he will likely not be the same person he was while drinking (the same person you fell in love with). Many married couples end up in divorce AFTER the alcoholic sobers up. I guess my point is, be careful what you wish for...