EmilyS

Hi

I am two and a half months sober. I am in AA and just done my 2nd Step. Struggling with emotional sobriety the most.....

My biggest issue right now is my partner. He is 'normal' and has a career in entertainment so spends evenings out of the house in bars and clubs working. He also drinks most nights after work. Sometimes just a few to reduce the adrenalin but often its a good 4 hour drinking session. At least once a week he would have what I call a binge. I have asked him to not try and kiss me when he comes home if he stinks of booze as it triggers cravings. Hes acknowledged this so isnt drinking wine so much anymore (I could identify the type of wine on his breath!).

We met 5 years ago and our relationship then as friends was using alcohol and drugs together. We became partners 9 months ago so our relationship is quite new.

He is away working at the moment. I am at home trying to stay sober and keep positive about our relationship. But I keep hearing from him 'the day after' when hes been out till early hours of morning and not got up till late afternoon. It makes me angry and then makes me want to drink. Im building resentments I just dont want to feel right now. I feel a bit codependant and its scaring me.

I think im going to loose him as I cant handle his life style anymore.

I dont want to have to tell him to not drink as its not my place to do that.

HELP. Any tips very very welcome!

Emily: a108:

Hammer

wow.

Maybe at least take a break. Not as a dump, but just for survival.

Blame it on you. After all, it really is about you.

You lose your sobriety, and you lose everything -- including him in the end.

Of course once you are all clean, sober, and solid with a year down . . . you may be so sane you will be asking yourself -- what was I ever thinking?

Whole other level to this. Not hoping, not planning, none of that . . . . but when he sees you doing good he may want to join you on the dry and right side of things. I see a few of those around the AA houses . . . and they seem to be to fairytale romances. God rewards his own. Both now and later.

EmilyS

Hi Hammer

Yes I can fully see your point. A break would be good but we live together and are tied into this lease until April next year.

Tuffgirl

Hi Emily,
First of all, congrats on 2 1/2 months! That's awesome!

Now, how badly do you want this newly found sober lifestyle? Bad enough to not let anything jeopardize it?

You don't need to answer this - just food for thought. Sometimes we need to let people go in order to accomplish our own personal goals, but this doesn't mean they have to be gone forever. Sometimes it does mean that, and that's ok too. Now all relationships are meant to last forever.

You already know you can't ask him to stop drinking or change his lifestyle - he needs to want to do that on his own. What else does that leave? Some resentments can simply be fixed by a changed mind-set. Some can't and require serious action. Where do you think your resentments fit in here?

EmilyS

Thanks Tuffgirl.

Ive tried to tell myself my resentments are me and that it is the alcoholic in me thats jealous of his ability to drink. The sad fact is I dont think thats ever going to go away and being with someone who drinks 4-5 times a week isnt going to make me feel very good about my new found sobriety. If all it does is make me want to join in and then risk my sobriety and then probably not live very long.

This sucks!!