ZenMe

I just want to give everyone a big hug =). Bring it in.

This has been a great thread for me. When I was the x and addicted to her I neglected a lot of things in life which now need my attention. The future IS bright and I am fortunate.

Her actions also prove that she isn't ready, and that my words and actions ultimately fell on deaf ears. I'm in a state of acceptance.

I'm trying really hard to change with in reason, not to go to the other extreme and strike balance.

Plus I just got to hug a bunch of smart savy women, woohoo. Off to dinner with a big smile. =)

bigsombrero

The problem with co-dependency is that you can't win with an "X". If she was in the gutter you would probably also be in despair. No matter what happens to her, even if she goes back to school and gets her master's degree, this will not make you happy. I think the best thing to do is to keep working on keeping her out of your head, and focusing on your own goals. Good luck!

izzyrose05

I have to say that as a 42 year old single mom, I have issue with the word ****. I never understood why an adult single woman was not permitted by society to enjoy a physical connection for nothing other than just that. Why does sex always have to go along with love. Whose definition is that? I should be allowed to enjoy myself without commitment just as any man would. And I do, at times. Though these days, I am keeping myself out of action for a while.

I don't think there is any right or wrong answer to an amount of time between relationships. When it feels right for two people, then who is to say it's wrong or right. The issue I think in question here, is whether or not your ex girlfriend is healthy enough on her own to maintain a loving and functional relationship with another person. It doesn't sound like she is and if she is truly a sick woman, this relationship most likely will end up in demise as well. However, sometimes, two very dysfunctional people decide to hang on for the long term as they are "dysfunctional" together.

So two dysfunctional people could potentially make for a "functional relationship". It is what it is and trying to understand what is happening with her will only make you more crazy on the inside and keep you stuck.

I too, am watching my ex alcoholic boyfriend move on in a relationship. I am hurt that his attention is no longer on me, but I know I would refuse him even if it was. And in my own strange and not so healthy brain, I am sort of comforted by the fact that this woman will soon experience what I did as I am CERTAIN, he is a giant mess with a thin veil of pretend over the top. The thin cracks of his surface pretend fabulous life will bust wide open sooner or later and it will all come crumbling down.

Remember the roller coaster Zen Me. Remember the chaos. Remember the crazy, Remember the dysfunction. Remember when she was hurtful. It's all still there. It's just hidden right now. It will indeed surface again with this new guy.

You must open your mind to the new possibilities even if you don't know what they are. You must let your mind be free to explore. Even if you are hesitant, do it anyway. Even if it doesn't feel real, do it anyway. You will get through this. And you can do it without finding more reasons to analyse or judge or figure her out. You don't need that to feel better about yourself. Look to the people that adore you and want you around them. They must hold some value in your life. Be with them. Let them comfort you. Let them remind you of your worth and value. My friends have been an enormous support for me. They remind me daily of how much better I am without that relationship and they're right. Please Zen. Let it go.

Shining~Again

/deleted and re-adding in this bit :
I've never heard anyone in my life be called a s**t...and the only ones I've ever thought that title about were the ones that talked about their sex life.

I have never understood women that talk about their ******* to others outside of the age of 20-30. Yeah, I get it if it's girlfriend talk but not here. Sex and slutty-ness isn't bad, but something about older women that still want to talk about intimate stuff, yeah, that makes me go "ick".

Again, I am not talking about CLOSE FRIENDS.

Sorry OP. I got caught away.

Cheers!

Shining~Again

ok. I'll bite.
No one else has (?)
Can you explain the above ...no one else touched this post and I can't sort it out. Is it cause yer a mod that no one asked or maybe no one read it.

DesertEyes

I think it's because I have shared it so many times peeps have gotten bored of the same old story. The lady in question was 35 at the time I met her. Her husband had recently died of an O.D., he was in his late 60's. One of the things she shared frequently in meetings was her "Daddy issues", and how they had pulled her into becoming a "trophy wife" for this older guy. She would also joke about being a "work in progress" because she still fell for older men, and then would give me a quick peck on the cheek and call me "Daddy".

The gap in our age was quite a bit less than with her deceased husband, but enough to make us both aware that we needed to spend more time in recovery.

It's been years, but I still get teased about it. She's gone off and married a wonderful young guy who _is_ in her age group, and I have dated a few other ladies that would be a healthy match for me.

Mike
* p.s. thanks for checking *