Gracie1953

I've read several posts here that mention being addicted to the A in one's life. I think I have a pretty good idea of what defines an A/Addict in terms of behavior, but not many (if any) of those behaviors apply to me. Yet, I find myself wondering why I am having such a tough time letting go. Am I really addicted, or am I grieving, or what?

I have this recurring fear that if the A I just dumped showed up on my doorstep, I'm not sure I could turn him away, despite all the stuff he's put me through.

How is being addicted to a person defined?

Gracie

Gabe

Hey Gracie,
There is a really good power post in the relationships forum called "Obsessive Love" that talks about relationship addiction.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=21155

Gracie1953

Thanks, Gabe. That was quite informative. Fortunately, I meet very few of the criteria and some of them I used to meet, but don't anymore.

Whew!!

Gracie

jessieandme2003

I feel very much like you do. ANd I didn't see myself in the obsessive love column either.

But I did see myself in Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie. I never thought I'd find myslef actually going to s book store and buying myself a book on this topic. But after several people swore by it, I went and got it. And good lord is it me.

Take a look, it might help you as its helped me.

jessieandme2003

and don't be mislead by the phrase 'codependent' either. AT first i thought that couldn't be me because I am an incredibly strong and independent woman. I make the money, run the hous,e make all the tough decisions, do the taxes... you name it.

But codependent is an emotional thing, a way you need the other person emotionally.

Gabe

While we're on the subject of books, Robin Norwood's "Women Who Love Too Much" is an excellent read as well.
It was kind of scary for me though. I had no idea that she was following me around and documenting my life for her book.
Gabe

Lorelai

I agree with jessieandme. I never even considered reading a book on codependecy. I was so normal and logical. I was just married to somebody who was screwed up. I read the first five pages of "Codependent No More" and couldn't believe it - I did have a problem.
The great thing is that, once I admitted that I had a problem, I could look at it and do something about it. That was very freeing.
L