transformyself

I think AH is a moron. No, really. If I'm not walking my own path and taking care of myself and detaching, I engage in some pretty judgmental activity.

For instance, when he's done something stupid, I think, " why didn't he ask me first? I would have told him A, B, and C and this wouldn't have happened."

Great.

I think this has always been the way I view him. It's really upsetting to me because it's basically objectifying him, treating him like a child.

He'll be better off when we're not living together as well. maybe he can find someone who respects and loves him, cause that ain't me.

It makes me sad. I have treated him with greater respect recently, due to detachment, but I better fix this about myself. I'm not an all knowing Higher Power. The only person I'm qualified to asses and give advice to is myself.

amy55

I don't know about this transformyself. I think offering your opinions and view on something is sort of normal in a relationship. I thought my ex was a moron at times also. So he would set out to do something, and tell me about it, and I would just offer an opinion. I allowed him to take my opinion or leave it.

One time he wanted to take down a 60 foot tree. I told him, first, you don't have a chainsaw, asked him do you know what direction to cut the tree, so that the tree falls the right way. Told him we were having friends over in 2 days, and one has a chainsaw, and has done this before, and I'm sure that he would be glad to help out.

Well every thing was ignored, because in his mind, he felt that I didn't think that he was capable of this. So, I let him go at it, and stayed in a safe part of the house.

Well, he did get the tree down, which took out some of our shrubs and also did damage to our deck. I didn't say a word about it. , just asked him what he would like for dinner.

Seren

Been there.... No, really!

Oh, T, when I finally realized just how much of a controlling know-it-all, bossy pants....well, it was a watershed moment! Congratulations!! It's a big step on the way to serenity

transformyself

Thanks Hydro- I hope that came through, that I'm a bit freaked out by realizing what my thought processes are.

We actually did a regular segment on my radio show called, "Why didn't I ask Transform first?" where my friends and family would call up and tell me horrible situations they had gotten themselves into and I would help them problem solve. It was all theater, but now it sort of freaks me out.

Yes, Amy, your husband should have asked you first. These are the situations I'm dealing with too. When, in fact, he should have asked me first. But then I think, why would i be in a relationship wtih someone who can't think on their own? Then I think I'm being arrogant. It's a total mind eff. I think I'll go work in the garden and rethink my life.

amy55

transformyself,

I think some people actually like advice. Not ours, but some people don't feel like they know everything, when in actuality, they don't.

Another thing that I was thinking of is, they really don't want to know from you how they should act, how they should behave, just basically how they should be.

Sometimes though, I call that putting up boundaries.

Boundaries should have consequences, if boundaries are broken even without consequences, you still start to lose respect for that person who crossed them. If you lose respect for them, they can feel this and they will lose respect for you. But then again if they repeatedly cross your boundaries, they have no respect for you anyway.

Detachment is the "key". No matter which way we go about looking at things.

So the way that I am looking at this, is, you have had it, you had enough of this already. He is not looking to you to hear your views, your opinions, working through things like couples should.

I'm not seeing where you were treating him as a child. I'm seeing where you were trying to be an equal partner in the relationship. He didn't want to know your views, your opinions, and yes, we can't make them want that. So you detached, and you are going to let him sink or swim, whatever, you left the choice up to him, but you are keeping your boundaries intact.

I see this as a good thing.

Hammer

You are doing good.

Considering your own "character defects," and shortcomings.

And right on place, time, and schedule.

Super, you.

Month 7. Seventh Step.

Step 7 – Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings

transformyself

Step 7 – Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings


I was out praying in the storm at 3am. I'm ready.