Any one else develop PTSD from a marriage or relationship?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 31
Originally Posted by amy55 
How about grinding your teeth at night till you have a dental problem
losing weight because as soon as they come home you are physically ill and can't eat and just want to vomit, and do
knowing 2 hours ahead of time that they will not be home, even without them telling you, you just know it, you can feel it
just to take a look in their eyes, and know that there will be a really big fight, and you run for cover in the garage, but you are still there, and they follow you and follow you, till they corner you.
I could go on and on, about how mine developed but what I need to say is to get out before it gets that bad,
because, with PTSD, you go into fight or flight, and I did both.
losing weight because as soon as they come home you are physically ill and can't eat and just want to vomit, and do
knowing 2 hours ahead of time that they will not be home, even without them telling you, you just know it, you can feel it
just to take a look in their eyes, and know that there will be a really big fight, and you run for cover in the garage, but you are still there, and they follow you and follow you, till they corner you.
I could go on and on, about how mine developed but what I need to say is to get out before it gets that bad,
because, with PTSD, you go into fight or flight, and I did both.
There is help out there. For me, it this list: SR helps. Therapy helps. Creating my own sense of safety and security helps. Mediation is key. But most of all, putting immense distance between me and the toxic relationship with my AXBF has been life-altering.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
I've been going to therapy now for a year and a half for PTSD. I'm much better now at least I don't jump out of my skin when there's a loud unexpected noise anymore, ugh and people looking at you like what's up with you? I have a feeling I will be going to therapy for quite sometime after seeing and going through what I did for 39 yrs the physical, mental abuse that I use to think was just a normal life.
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
The hard thing I am dealing with now are my feelings coming back. Do you deal with this?
I think I had to emotionally shut down to survive. First emotion to come back was happy and fun. I could be silly with my kids pretty quick. So happy about this!
But now sadness and anger are slowly creeping in. Which is good and healthy. But they always hit me at weird times. For instance, when I am driving and have a few minutes to think about things. I had to invest in a big pair of shades and tell co-workers and my kids they are to keep the sun out of my eyes when really they are to hide the tears and red eyes I get driving in to work. I think that now, two years after leaving, and about 1 month away from the divorce being final, I am starting to be able to grieve for my marriage. That it went so sideways. That my kids don't get to live the life I imagined for them. That their Dad can't even really be a Dad for them. That he stopped being a husband to me. It is overwelmingly sad some days.
I think I had to emotionally shut down to survive. First emotion to come back was happy and fun. I could be silly with my kids pretty quick. So happy about this!
But now sadness and anger are slowly creeping in. Which is good and healthy. But they always hit me at weird times. For instance, when I am driving and have a few minutes to think about things. I had to invest in a big pair of shades and tell co-workers and my kids they are to keep the sun out of my eyes when really they are to hide the tears and red eyes I get driving in to work. I think that now, two years after leaving, and about 1 month away from the divorce being final, I am starting to be able to grieve for my marriage. That it went so sideways. That my kids don't get to live the life I imagined for them. That their Dad can't even really be a Dad for them. That he stopped being a husband to me. It is overwelmingly sad some days.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Diagnosed and was in treatment with a therapist to work on it for about 2 years. (Amy, the link does work.)
I know I shut down emotionally. My first year away from AXH I felt I was walking around in a bubble of nothing. Flat. That would be how I felt emotionally. I couldn't even name what I was feeling when they started to come back; I had to look at a list of emotions and "yeah, I think it's _this_ one..." and then it felt so overwhelming. I swear, at that time, if I could have gone back to flat, I would have. I'm glad now, that it wasn't an option, but at the time...
Along with seeing my therapist, and seeing psychiatrist to deal with the crushing depression and anxiety that came along, I pulled up book after book after book on PTSD and how to cope with it. I Can't Get Over It, A Handbook for Trauma Survivors by Aphrodite Matsakis, PhD, and The PTSD Workbook, Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms by Mary Bet Williams were big helps in learning to deal with it.
It has been incredibly hard working through it, and I hate the triggers that keep coming up, but worth it. ForMyBoys, being able to be silly with DS is one of the first items on my list of benefits for having started working through everything; that and when DS finally came out of his cocoon/shell to be just as goofy, too.
I know I shut down emotionally. My first year away from AXH I felt I was walking around in a bubble of nothing. Flat. That would be how I felt emotionally. I couldn't even name what I was feeling when they started to come back; I had to look at a list of emotions and "yeah, I think it's _this_ one..." and then it felt so overwhelming. I swear, at that time, if I could have gone back to flat, I would have. I'm glad now, that it wasn't an option, but at the time...
Along with seeing my therapist, and seeing psychiatrist to deal with the crushing depression and anxiety that came along, I pulled up book after book after book on PTSD and how to cope with it. I Can't Get Over It, A Handbook for Trauma Survivors by Aphrodite Matsakis, PhD, and The PTSD Workbook, Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms by Mary Bet Williams were big helps in learning to deal with it.
It has been incredibly hard working through it, and I hate the triggers that keep coming up, but worth it. ForMyBoys, being able to be silly with DS is one of the first items on my list of benefits for having started working through everything; that and when DS finally came out of his cocoon/shell to be just as goofy, too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by 4MyBoys
The hard thing I am dealing with now are my feelings coming back. Do you deal with this?
I think I had to emotionally shut down to survive.
I think I had to emotionally shut down to survive.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
acm, I'm so sorry that you went through all that, and I am so glad that you are out of that toxic relationship with your AXBF.
fedup, 39 years, wow. You need a lot of (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
So glad that you are recovering and that unexpected loud noises are OK now. I can usually deal with those also, I just can't deal with my phone ringing, or making toast.
A normal life? I thought that for a long time. It was when I started to see abnormal, and that I kept researching, and more researching, and trying to ask for change, not seeing change, then researching some more.
((((((((((4MyBoys)))))))))). I don't know if I emotionally shut down. I know I wasn't allowed to express my emotions, or to talk about them, that just made him "MAD"!!!!
I got to understand why he would be angry at me if I felt hurt by him, or angry at me, or disappointed by him. He actually told a psychologist once when we were there that is doesn't like when someone is upset with him, because that gets him angry.
Happy ? Couldn't figure this one out. I had once helped with a bridal shower for my daughter. It was wonderful. Had a brunch. When I came home, I was getting all these calls that it was the best bridal shower that they had ever gone to. I was so Happy. So I told my ex, and he commented with, did you see all that crap that she got as gifts? Who would want that sh!t?
Sad? My dog was hit by a truck. She was a border collie. The fedex truck came down my driveway to deliver my retirement package. She ran after the tires of the truck. The truck hit him. My children and I took him to the vet. The vet said that he was "gone". We took him back home to our cat could say goodbye. My ex came home from work and buried him. I threw a ball into the grave because Max loved to play catch. It was then when I started crying, and my ex turned on me in a rage. I couldn't figure that one out, it had nothing to do with him.
So I didn't show my emotions anymore. Was afraid to.
That was in the beginning. When PTSD started to really come out, I found it difficult to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to prove my "rightness". I then spent close to a decade trying to prove my "rightness".
I look back at those days, and I don't even think I loved him then. Anhedonia set in. So after writing all of this down, I think I will agree with you. I did lose my emotions.
I do have my emotions back, and I am allowed to express them.
Divorce is a really hard thing to go through. All the things that have to be settled before the divorce, in my case it was selling the house, not being able to get any of the furniture from the house, the alimony, splitting up the assets. It was just a battle that went on for 17 months. Then the divorce day is coming. And it starts to hit you, that yes this is really it. This is when the grieving part starts. When any hope or fantasy is just gone, and now you have to look at the reality.
The reality that I had to face was that I am now 57. I always imagined that after the kids are grown and on their own and we were retired, that I would always have someone to talk to that was there when they were growing up. Remember their childhoods, remember vacations that we took. Remember their first tooth, first day of school. All of those things. To be able to take the grandchildren for a week or so. To be able to take out all the old pictures and remember them with pleasure. For me, that was all just a dream. I now have my own life, I am doing pretty well.
I'm here for you 4MyBoys. I do understand how hard the divorce is. It does get better though.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
fedup, 39 years, wow. You need a lot of (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))
So glad that you are recovering and that unexpected loud noises are OK now. I can usually deal with those also, I just can't deal with my phone ringing, or making toast.
A normal life? I thought that for a long time. It was when I started to see abnormal, and that I kept researching, and more researching, and trying to ask for change, not seeing change, then researching some more.
((((((((((4MyBoys)))))))))). I don't know if I emotionally shut down. I know I wasn't allowed to express my emotions, or to talk about them, that just made him "MAD"!!!!
I got to understand why he would be angry at me if I felt hurt by him, or angry at me, or disappointed by him. He actually told a psychologist once when we were there that is doesn't like when someone is upset with him, because that gets him angry.
Happy ? Couldn't figure this one out. I had once helped with a bridal shower for my daughter. It was wonderful. Had a brunch. When I came home, I was getting all these calls that it was the best bridal shower that they had ever gone to. I was so Happy. So I told my ex, and he commented with, did you see all that crap that she got as gifts? Who would want that sh!t?
Sad? My dog was hit by a truck. She was a border collie. The fedex truck came down my driveway to deliver my retirement package. She ran after the tires of the truck. The truck hit him. My children and I took him to the vet. The vet said that he was "gone". We took him back home to our cat could say goodbye. My ex came home from work and buried him. I threw a ball into the grave because Max loved to play catch. It was then when I started crying, and my ex turned on me in a rage. I couldn't figure that one out, it had nothing to do with him.
So I didn't show my emotions anymore. Was afraid to.
That was in the beginning. When PTSD started to really come out, I found it difficult to keep my mouth shut. I wanted to prove my "rightness". I then spent close to a decade trying to prove my "rightness".
I look back at those days, and I don't even think I loved him then. Anhedonia set in. So after writing all of this down, I think I will agree with you. I did lose my emotions.
I do have my emotions back, and I am allowed to express them.
Divorce is a really hard thing to go through. All the things that have to be settled before the divorce, in my case it was selling the house, not being able to get any of the furniture from the house, the alimony, splitting up the assets. It was just a battle that went on for 17 months. Then the divorce day is coming. And it starts to hit you, that yes this is really it. This is when the grieving part starts. When any hope or fantasy is just gone, and now you have to look at the reality.
The reality that I had to face was that I am now 57. I always imagined that after the kids are grown and on their own and we were retired, that I would always have someone to talk to that was there when they were growing up. Remember their childhoods, remember vacations that we took. Remember their first tooth, first day of school. All of those things. To be able to take the grandchildren for a week or so. To be able to take out all the old pictures and remember them with pleasure. For me, that was all just a dream. I now have my own life, I am doing pretty well.
I'm here for you 4MyBoys. I do understand how hard the divorce is. It does get better though.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Yes. to this day I can't have my phone on anything but silent(vibrate especially causes anxiety), due to those first few months after I left where ex would send 20+texts in a row, at night while I was trying to sleep. My sleep got screwed up for a good 9 months too, had to go on Ambien to fix that problem, before that I was using Benadryl, and then Unisom. I did wean myself off of the Ambien 6 months after I got the prescription. The sleep thing was a carry over from when I lived with him, his tantrums frequently occurred at night.
Hearing his voice, to this day creeps me out. Anxiety city!
I am still triggered by some things, but I am healing. I've been out for over 2 years now.
Hearing his voice, to this day creeps me out. Anxiety city!
I am still triggered by some things, but I am healing. I've been out for over 2 years now.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Oh pix, how I know the sleep thing. I just never knew if he would come home, when he would come home, is he going to break another window to get back in this time? Is he going to get the ladder and climb in through an upstairs window? No, I couldn't sleep. I did wean myself off the seroquil. Now I use Valerian Root. I've been out more then 2 years, but I think I will go by my divorce date because of all the sh!t I went through during that. Divorced 2 1/2 years.
((((((((((((((((((hugs, pixilation)))))))))))))))))))
Just know that it was not us, and we could not have changed anything.
Also wanted to say that it has helped me so much that I can come here and talk about these things with people who understand and don't look at me like I have 2 heads and a tail. (lol) It helps, it really does.
((((((((((((((((((hugs, pixilation)))))))))))))))))))
Just know that it was not us, and we could not have changed anything.
Also wanted to say that it has helped me so much that I can come here and talk about these things with people who understand and don't look at me like I have 2 heads and a tail. (lol) It helps, it really does.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
The hard thing I am dealing with now are my feelings coming back. Do you deal with this?
It was actually someone else who pointed it out to me -- that what I was feeling and experiencing as overwhelming was really just returning to feeling my feelings again.
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