Have You Ever Had Your Pets Harmed?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Had a strange one. I guess should say thanks for the topic.
Really have not wanted to talk about it, just kind of wanted to put it behind and go on.
But one of my sons was asking about a cat this week, and they loved petting and holding my sister's cat while we were visiting on vacation.
This started a couple of weeks before we took that 3 week vacation trip. The one Mrs. Hammer refused attend. We had cancelled the trip a few months back so/while she could do rehab, and never did hear a thank you, other than "I did not really need to go rehab, so we could have went on that trip.”
Right. Whatever.
And selfish being what selfish is, she did not want the kids to get the trip, now, either. So she started up some lies and stories to the kids that "we could get a cat, but, but, but, the kids would not be able to take their trip . . . “
Came about from two weeks prior when our daughter was doing Girl Scout volunteer work at the local animal shelter. She had some kitten pictures on her phone. Mrs. Hammer looked at them and started working on the kids.
So while sitting and playing in the living room, here come the stories – Mrs. Hammer to the kids – “Those sweet little kittens might be all taken or even put to sleep, and we could get one, but not if you kids go on your vacation trip . . . . “
Of course the trip had nothing to do with any cat or not. We could have picked any out, and still went on the trip, and no one had even checked with our Landlord either way as to getting a pet.
When it did not work on the kids as a group, Mrs. Hammer tried her favorite targeting with the same routine on our daughter trapped in the car. Fortunately, Alateen has taught our daughter to tune out the personas and crazy.
Just plain evil, overall. Guess that is why I did not really want acknowledge that by writing this.
Here Is my acknowledgement and acceptance. Mrs. Hammer does lies and manipulations to the kids, and not just me, family and friends. I have to find some way some way to protect the kids.
Reminds me. We have not because we ask not. Ok, God. I am asking. Help me protect the kids from Mrs. Hammer’s lies and manipulations. Thanks.
Really have not wanted to talk about it, just kind of wanted to put it behind and go on.
But one of my sons was asking about a cat this week, and they loved petting and holding my sister's cat while we were visiting on vacation.
This started a couple of weeks before we took that 3 week vacation trip. The one Mrs. Hammer refused attend. We had cancelled the trip a few months back so/while she could do rehab, and never did hear a thank you, other than "I did not really need to go rehab, so we could have went on that trip.”
Right. Whatever.
And selfish being what selfish is, she did not want the kids to get the trip, now, either. So she started up some lies and stories to the kids that "we could get a cat, but, but, but, the kids would not be able to take their trip . . . “
Came about from two weeks prior when our daughter was doing Girl Scout volunteer work at the local animal shelter. She had some kitten pictures on her phone. Mrs. Hammer looked at them and started working on the kids.
So while sitting and playing in the living room, here come the stories – Mrs. Hammer to the kids – “Those sweet little kittens might be all taken or even put to sleep, and we could get one, but not if you kids go on your vacation trip . . . . “
Of course the trip had nothing to do with any cat or not. We could have picked any out, and still went on the trip, and no one had even checked with our Landlord either way as to getting a pet.
When it did not work on the kids as a group, Mrs. Hammer tried her favorite targeting with the same routine on our daughter trapped in the car. Fortunately, Alateen has taught our daughter to tune out the personas and crazy.
Just plain evil, overall. Guess that is why I did not really want acknowledge that by writing this.
Here Is my acknowledgement and acceptance. Mrs. Hammer does lies and manipulations to the kids, and not just me, family and friends. I have to find some way some way to protect the kids.
Reminds me. We have not because we ask not. Ok, God. I am asking. Help me protect the kids from Mrs. Hammer’s lies and manipulations. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by Hammer 
Just plain evil, overall. Guess that is why I did not really want acknowledge that by writing this.
Here Is my acknowledgement and acceptance. Mrs. Hammer does lies and manipulations to the kids, and not just me, family and friends. I have to find some way some way to protect the kids.
Reminds me. We have not because we ask not. Ok, God. I am asking. Help me protect the kids from Mrs. Hammer’s lies and manipulations. Thanks.
Here Is my acknowledgement and acceptance. Mrs. Hammer does lies and manipulations to the kids, and not just me, family and friends. I have to find some way some way to protect the kids.
Reminds me. We have not because we ask not. Ok, God. I am asking. Help me protect the kids from Mrs. Hammer’s lies and manipulations. Thanks.
OH.
Reminded me of my mother.
Always had pets over the summers but she made me give them back to the pet store when school started again. In those days, pet stores were mom and pop deals, and you could do that. They said the critters were always in better health than in the beginning of the summer.
BUt, the ugly incident is about a few baby bunnies we found in the yard.
Their mother seemed to be gone, so we took them in and she got me tiny doll bottles and asked the vet about how to take care of them.
Raised em up, and then....she made me give them up. She took them, but never told me anything more.
Quite a few years later, I don't remember what made her bring it up, but she told me who she had given them to and what had happened to the baby bunnies.
She giggled as she told me.
She was not A. She was flaming BPD. Flaming.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
Your stories are heartbreaking--I realize I am not the only one who has encountered A's mistreating animals--some to a more degree than others. The only reason I posted this question is because on July 11, 2013, I had to have my ex's horse put down. He actually requested at the divorce to do it & I would not allow that. But now due to health reasons (exA left me during major illness & left me with no health insurance) I had to put the horse down--I have to move states away in with family to recover & Jack cannot make the trip. I tried for 6 months to find him a home but rescue shelters for horses have 2+ waiting list. The vet tried, we all tried. But I have to move to be with family to help in my recovery. I now feel worse than the exA who wanted this done but I keep reminding myself he caused this whole thing to begin with & he makes 3X's what I make & he could have paid to board him. I see this abuse like others did but also noted that in cases of emotional abuse to humans & animals better than 90% of the time alcohol or drugs was involved. I still wonder about my exA because sometimes he could be so loving to the animals and at others do these horrible things. I am still crying today for Jack & cleaning up the barn for the last time today literally had me down on my knees in such excruciating pain from the loss I hope I don't recover from my illness and take my punishment for putting down this beautiful Morgan Horse.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: NC
Posts: 199
This makes me so sad. All these poor defenseless animals having to take this kind of treatment because of alcoholism. I remember a guy telling me once that he had a huge party. Everyone was drunk. He decided it would be funny to get his dog drunk so he fed it a lot of beer in its dog bowl. Evidently it was sort of wandering around acting weird afterwards and everyone found it to be funny. I fail to see the humor.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by DreamsofSerenity
I've only had one dog and I've never lived with an alcoholic, but I can still imagine how stressful for a dog it would be to be around an alkie. All pets are so sensitive to our moods, and our smells. The poor things probably feel so confused around drunks.
My mom works with guide dogs who alert diabetics. They smell their blood sugar levels and alert for both highs and lows. So it makes total sense that dogs can smell booze in the blood stream as well. Then when the smell of booze is linked to stress in the household, no wonder the dogs growl upon smelling it. It's pretty amazing.
My mom works with guide dogs who alert diabetics. They smell their blood sugar levels and alert for both highs and lows. So it makes total sense that dogs can smell booze in the blood stream as well. Then when the smell of booze is linked to stress in the household, no wonder the dogs growl upon smelling it. It's pretty amazing.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Hammer
Had a strange one. I guess should say thanks for the topic.
Really have not wanted to talk about it, just kind of wanted to put it behind and go on.
But one of my sons was asking about a cat this week, and they loved petting and holding my sister's cat while we were visiting on vacation.
This started a couple of weeks before we took that 3 week vacation trip. The one Mrs. Hammer refused attend. We had cancelled the trip a few months back so/while she could do rehab, and never did hear a thank you, other than "I did not really need to go rehab, so we could have went on that trip.”
Right. Whatever.
And selfish being what selfish is, she did not want the kids to get the trip, now, either. So she started up some lies and stories to the kids that "we could get a cat, but, but, but, the kids would not be able to take their trip . . . “
Came about from two weeks prior when our daughter was doing Girl Scout volunteer work at the local animal shelter. She had some kitten pictures on her phone. Mrs. Hammer looked at them and started working on the kids.
So while sitting and playing in the living room, here come the stories – Mrs. Hammer to the kids – “Those sweet little kittens might be all taken or even put to sleep, and we could get one, but not if you kids go on your vacation trip . . . . “
Of course the trip had nothing to do with any cat or not. We could have picked any out, and still went on the trip, and no one had even checked with our Landlord either way as to getting a pet.
When it did not work on the kids as a group, Mrs. Hammer tried her favorite targeting with the same routine on our daughter trapped in the car. Fortunately, Alateen has taught our daughter to tune out the personas and crazy.
Just plain evil, overall. Guess that is why I did not really want acknowledge that by writing this.
Here Is my acknowledgement and acceptance. Mrs. Hammer does lies and manipulations to the kids, and not just me, family and friends. I have to find some way some way to protect the kids.
Reminds me. We have not because we ask not. Ok, God. I am asking. Help me protect the kids from Mrs. Hammer’s lies and manipulations. Thanks.
Really have not wanted to talk about it, just kind of wanted to put it behind and go on.
But one of my sons was asking about a cat this week, and they loved petting and holding my sister's cat while we were visiting on vacation.
This started a couple of weeks before we took that 3 week vacation trip. The one Mrs. Hammer refused attend. We had cancelled the trip a few months back so/while she could do rehab, and never did hear a thank you, other than "I did not really need to go rehab, so we could have went on that trip.”
Right. Whatever.
And selfish being what selfish is, she did not want the kids to get the trip, now, either. So she started up some lies and stories to the kids that "we could get a cat, but, but, but, the kids would not be able to take their trip . . . “
Came about from two weeks prior when our daughter was doing Girl Scout volunteer work at the local animal shelter. She had some kitten pictures on her phone. Mrs. Hammer looked at them and started working on the kids.
So while sitting and playing in the living room, here come the stories – Mrs. Hammer to the kids – “Those sweet little kittens might be all taken or even put to sleep, and we could get one, but not if you kids go on your vacation trip . . . . “
Of course the trip had nothing to do with any cat or not. We could have picked any out, and still went on the trip, and no one had even checked with our Landlord either way as to getting a pet.
When it did not work on the kids as a group, Mrs. Hammer tried her favorite targeting with the same routine on our daughter trapped in the car. Fortunately, Alateen has taught our daughter to tune out the personas and crazy.
Just plain evil, overall. Guess that is why I did not really want acknowledge that by writing this.
Here Is my acknowledgement and acceptance. Mrs. Hammer does lies and manipulations to the kids, and not just me, family and friends. I have to find some way some way to protect the kids.
Reminds me. We have not because we ask not. Ok, God. I am asking. Help me protect the kids from Mrs. Hammer’s lies and manipulations. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by Flicka57
Your stories are heartbreaking--I realize I am not the only one who has encountered A's mistreating animals--some to a more degree than others. The only reason I posted this question is because on July 11, 2013, I had to have my ex's horse put down. He actually requested at the divorce to do it & I would not allow that. But now due to health reasons (exA left me during major illness & left me with no health insurance) I had to put the horse down--I have to move states away in with family to recover & Jack cannot make the trip. I tried for 6 months to find him a home but rescue shelters for horses have 2+ waiting list. The vet tried, we all tried. But I have to move to be with family to help in my recovery. I now feel worse than the exA who wanted this done but I keep reminding myself he caused this whole thing to begin with & he makes 3X's what I make & he could have paid to board him. I see this abuse like others did but also noted that in cases of emotional abuse to humans & animals better than 90% of the time alcohol or drugs was involved. I still wonder about my exA because sometimes he could be so loving to the animals and at others do these horrible things. I am still crying today for Jack & cleaning up the barn for the last time today literally had me down on my knees in such excruciating pain from the loss I hope I don't recover from my illness and take my punishment for putting down this beautiful Morgan Horse.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by Flicka57
Your stories are heartbreaking--I realize I am not the only one who has encountered A's mistreating animals--some to a more degree than others. The only reason I posted this question is because on July 11, 2013, I had to have my ex's horse put down. He actually requested at the divorce to do it & I would not allow that. But now due to health reasons (exA left me during major illness & left me with no health insurance) I had to put the horse down--I have to move states away in with family to recover & Jack cannot make the trip. I tried for 6 months to find him a home but rescue shelters for horses have 2+ waiting list. The vet tried, we all tried. But I have to move to be with family to help in my recovery. I now feel worse than the exA who wanted this done but I keep reminding myself he caused this whole thing to begin with & he makes 3X's what I make & he could have paid to board him. I see this abuse like others did but also noted that in cases of emotional abuse to humans & animals better than 90% of the time alcohol or drugs was involved. I still wonder about my exA because sometimes he could be so loving to the animals and at others do these horrible things. I am still crying today for Jack & cleaning up the barn for the last time today literally had me down on my knees in such excruciating pain from the loss I hope I don't recover from my illness and take my punishment for putting down this beautiful Morgan Horse.
(((((((((((((((((((((flicka))))))))))))))))))))))
how I wish it were not this way. It is tragic.
but it is not your fault. small comfort, but at least know that much.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by Flicka57
Your stories are heartbreaking--I realize I am not the only one who has encountered A's mistreating animals--some to a more degree than others. The only reason I posted this question is because on July 11, 2013, I had to have my ex's horse put down. He actually requested at the divorce to do it & I would not allow that. But now due to health reasons (exA left me during major illness & left me with no health insurance) I had to put the horse down--I have to move states away in with family to recover & Jack cannot make the trip. I tried for 6 months to find him a home but rescue shelters for horses have 2+ waiting list. The vet tried, we all tried. But I have to move to be with family to help in my recovery. I now feel worse than the exA who wanted this done but I keep reminding myself he caused this whole thing to begin with & he makes 3X's what I make & he could have paid to board him. I see this abuse like others did but also noted that in cases of emotional abuse to humans & animals better than 90% of the time alcohol or drugs was involved. I still wonder about my exA because sometimes he could be so loving to the animals and at others do these horrible things. I am still crying today for Jack & cleaning up the barn for the last time today literally had me down on my knees in such excruciating pain from the loss I hope I don't recover from my illness and take my punishment for putting down this beautiful Morgan Horse.
I must have misread your first post regarding your relationship status with your now ex-husband...
I know it must be so hard to fathom what I'm about to say, but he did you the biggest favor by "leaving you"
Having him around probably would have made what you are going through even worse...
I am very glad to hear that you're with your family...
It sounds like you're right where you need to be...
I hope you continue to heal from all of this and can soon move on...
Linda
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by Hammer
Thank you. Thank you.
So sorry for you.
Thank you.
What do I do? How do I protect the kids?
So sorry for you.
Thank you.
What do I do? How do I protect the kids?
I figure, I've burned up a LOT of negative karma!
And my life is really great now. I just need to work on the old stuff, finish getting over the ex, develop myself more fully in this Recovery Room phase..........
When I was growing up, three things I always prayed for...
*Someone to see.
*Someone to get me out of there.
*To have my Ulcerative Colitis be a brain tumor...that way I could die, AND people would be nice to me. People are not nice to you when you have bowel disease.
Wellllll.....I did not get any of those prayers answered.
HOWEVER, YOU do see the truth of what is going on.
YOU can get them out.
They already have the benefit of having you--- I wanted that badly. Doctor visits gave me a little bit of concerned attention, so I looked forward to them, aside from the tests.
But, just having someone, anyone give me an understanding glance felt like a blessing, like at least someone saw the truth. I really was desperate for crumbs.
So, you are already giving your kids something important.
Now, you have to put into practice the rest of what you know you need to do. Action is what matters.
You CAN do this!!!! You CAN!
“Reality is harsh. It can be cruel and ugly. Yet no matter how much we grieve over our environment and circumstances nothing will change. What is important is not to be defeated, to forge ahead bravely. If we do this, a path will open before us.”
"Hardships make us strong. Problems give birth to wisdom. Sorrows cultivate compassion. Those who have suffered the most will become the happiest."
"Life contains the capacity, like flames that reach toward heaven, to transform suffering and pain into the energy of creation, into light that illuminates darkness. Like the wind traversing vast spaces unhindered, life has the power to uproot and overturn all obstacles and difficulties. Like clear flowing water, it can wash away all stains and impurities."
--all quotes, Dr. Daisaku Ikeda Buddhist teacher
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 73
Yes, when I met my now exabf had a dog he absolutely loved more than anything. However, over time it became very apparent, I will spare you the details, that she needed to be put to sleep. He just couldn't do it and finally one night, and he was drunk of course, she started having seizures and I spent at least an hour with him trying to convince him to put her into the car so we could get her to the vet so she could stop suffering. I know he loved her and was upset but I also know he'd been drinking a lot that night as well as in the months that led up to this. This was his dog and his decision but the stress and strain it put on all of us, especially her was horrible. He also had another dog when I met him that he called names and was generally just not nice to he said because it reminded him of his ex-wife, this dog died of dehydration one night and I felt awful about that because I was so wrapped up with him and his drinking that I too was distracted and probably would have intervened if not for being so involved with his state of mind. Lastly, about a year before I moved out we took in a rescue, I was thinking this might help him connect and bond to something besides drinking (stupid I know). He was good with him at times but when he was drinking our dog would hide, if we argued he would hide, my ex would call him names, try to force him to sit next to him etc...ugh. Anyway, when I left he told me "AND TAKE THE DOG WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE." As if there were any other choice...He is now my constant companion and has not reason to hide anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 199
Oh wow, these stories break my heart. Cruelty to animals and children always seems so much more depraved than, well, ordinary unacceptable cruelty.
Before my exABF, I dated a man who was most definitely narcissistic (NPD, textbook). I had an elderly cat who was freaked out when I moved, and did his business right outsie the litterbox. I've had this cat nearly 20 years now, and this is his only behavior like this, and absolutely when stressed. It isn't the worst deal to clean up, and he goes back to normal when things equalize.
Anyway, my ex once got so angry when he did this, he picked up my cat -- 16 years old at the time -- and HURLED him across the room. HARD.
We were already in decline, but I see this was the beginning of the very, very end.
Completely impossible to trust or feel safe with someone who hurts animals ( or children).
I'm so sorry, OP and all of you with these sad stories.
Before my exABF, I dated a man who was most definitely narcissistic (NPD, textbook). I had an elderly cat who was freaked out when I moved, and did his business right outsie the litterbox. I've had this cat nearly 20 years now, and this is his only behavior like this, and absolutely when stressed. It isn't the worst deal to clean up, and he goes back to normal when things equalize.
Anyway, my ex once got so angry when he did this, he picked up my cat -- 16 years old at the time -- and HURLED him across the room. HARD.
We were already in decline, but I see this was the beginning of the very, very end.
Completely impossible to trust or feel safe with someone who hurts animals ( or children).
I'm so sorry, OP and all of you with these sad stories.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Animal abuse is tied very closely to domestic violence, and increases the lethality threat (risk that an abusive situation will escalate to homicide).
I once had a case where the victim and her kids left to go to a scouting event--the abuser threw a knife at the car as it was driving away. When they came home, the child's hamster was sliced in half on the front porch.
I once had a case where the victim and her kids left to go to a scouting event--the abuser threw a knife at the car as it was driving away. When they came home, the child's hamster was sliced in half on the front porch.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by Diva76
That is absolutely awful....
If he treats your pets this way, I can only begin to imagine how poorly he must treat you...
I'm not sure if alcoholism is the reason for this or not, but it sounds like he has
a personality disorder....
People with anti-social personality disorder and/or Narcissism are very passive aggressive, take no responsibility for their actions, and show little to no remorse...
I'm not usually so forward when I respond to a post, but if you feel my "hunch" may be accurate, please consider getting away from this guy...ASAP...
I was involved with a Narcissist for several years and it nearly destroyed me.....
Best wishes,
Linda
If he treats your pets this way, I can only begin to imagine how poorly he must treat you...
I'm not sure if alcoholism is the reason for this or not, but it sounds like he has
a personality disorder....
People with anti-social personality disorder and/or Narcissism are very passive aggressive, take no responsibility for their actions, and show little to no remorse...
I'm not usually so forward when I respond to a post, but if you feel my "hunch" may be accurate, please consider getting away from this guy...ASAP...
I was involved with a Narcissist for several years and it nearly destroyed me.....
Best wishes,
Linda
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 235
Now that you mention it, the last big argument I remember when I knew I had to leave AXH was when he was yelling at and grabbed our then 6 month old puppy. I started to stop him and he pushed me in front of our 9 year old son. I think after that there was no going back for mr. I couldn't lie to myself or son and pretend that was ever ok!
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
It is done purposely.......to hurt you!
Very bad sign of abuse to the animals but also to you.
Very bad sign of abuse to the animals but also to you.
Originally Posted by Flicka57
I was just wondering if anyone had similar experiences to me with the alcoholic using pets to hurt you or is this some other behavior going on? In my case my exAH did the following:
-left door open so cats could escape and then claim "oh I didn't know I didn't close the door tight"
-over fed (I had a horse & he did also) one overfeeding cost the life of my horse & the other one barely survived. when I would bring to his attention his response "but she looks so hungry & I didn't know it would do that"
-Refusing to take any responsibility in care of dog or vet visits even when his dog need to be put down due to age he let the dog suffer something horribly until I forced him to do it.
All of these things ocurred whenever we had an argument & then he would give me the silent treatment & seemed like he did these things to get my attention and thus forcing me to talk to him and break the silence.
Just wondering if others had stories of their A mistreating animals and where it even seemed like it was done purposely & thought out not just yelling or pushing the animal.
-left door open so cats could escape and then claim "oh I didn't know I didn't close the door tight"
-over fed (I had a horse & he did also) one overfeeding cost the life of my horse & the other one barely survived. when I would bring to his attention his response "but she looks so hungry & I didn't know it would do that"
-Refusing to take any responsibility in care of dog or vet visits even when his dog need to be put down due to age he let the dog suffer something horribly until I forced him to do it.
All of these things ocurred whenever we had an argument & then he would give me the silent treatment & seemed like he did these things to get my attention and thus forcing me to talk to him and break the silence.
Just wondering if others had stories of their A mistreating animals and where it even seemed like it was done purposely & thought out not just yelling or pushing the animal.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by bobbysocks
I agree with what this member has said. My AH is this way. he has bipolar, scensophrenia, (spelling?), obssesive/compulsive disorders along with severe alcoholism. He is nice to my 2 dogs when its convenient to him. if the dogs make a mistake in the house,(which is very rarely) he wants to rub their noses in it and lock them in a room for hours. He calls it "disiplining" them. I said NO WAY! He was very mean to the 3 little dogs i had when i met him and i gave them up to go live with him. ive regretted that ever since that day and always will till i die. it literally tore my heart out. it still hurts. i dont know what may be causing this person to treat your pets this way, but id be very careful with my pets.im sorry you are going thru this.
Not you too;(
Alcoholism is bad enough without a personality disorder thrown in the mix...
The bi-polar and obsessive compulsive tendencies made it nearly impossible to live with him....
Financially, I lost EVERYTHING...
But, honestly...
Who cares?!?
Seriously, I'd rather live in a ditch than EVER return to a situation like that...
It sounds like we went through some very similar circumstances, so if you ever need to talk, please feel free to send me a private e-mail...
For me, it took professional help and lots of it to get to where I am today...
Honestly, I don't think I would have had the chance to escape at all had I not been seeing a therapist...
When I first left my ex, I was going to therapy twice a week plus Al-anon meetings...
And, if I wasn't doing that, I was meeting with my minister at church...
I wanted nothing more than to start feeling better, so I was willing to accept all the help I could possibly get...
For anyone who has had to deal with someone with a personality disorder, please know that it's not a sign of weakness that you require professional assistance...
Breaking away from someone who has a personality disorder is heart wretching to say the least...
For me, I thought this guy was "the one" and of course, everything was so blissful in the beginning, but now as I look back on it, I would have to say after about 6 months, I started seeing glimpses of who he really was....
I think that's why so many of us get "hooked" on these guys...
They appear to give us something that we falsely believe no one else can...
Most of my posts have been about a guy that I dated from highschool several years after I broke up with the narcissist and he (the guy from h.s) was the first person I even trusted with myself again...
So, yes, while I'm disappointed in him as well, I once told him that NOBODY will EVER get to me like THAT ever again....
Sorry, I know I am totally hi- jacking here...
But...a resentment just came up for me and I thought I would share...
The guy from Highschool saw the damage that was done and he was STILL an azzhat to me, anyway!!!
Correction: His being an azzhat to me is not about me...
It's about HIM....
Ok, I will repeat this to myself 25 more times and click my heels 3 times like Dorothy
See... Letting go of resentments is not only possible, it can be quite entertaining too....
When humor shows up in place of pain, I see it as a sign of growth and healing...
Linda
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 81
My ex neglected our cat.
A few years ago she wanted a kitten. I was never really an animal person and had never owned a cat before. One day, She hyped up our daughter about it until I finally said okay because I knew it would've been argued about time and time again unless we got one. Much to my landlord's dismay, we all went down to the pound the next morning and picked up a 2 week old tabby. Her and our daughter picked out the kitten then went home. I stayed to do all the paper work and waited while they cleaned his ears.
She loved that kitten. Right up until the point he became a cat.
He nipped a bit and was kind of frisky. My ex didn't like that. Her words to me were " I wanted something cuddly."
As he got bigger she disliked him more and more. One day out of the blue she completely disowned him. Her reasoning was that when she took our daughter home that day I f*cked something up then bought home the wrong cat.
Not the one she picked out so she simply stopped caring for him.
She decided one day to make him an outside cat and threw him out. We live in an urban area. Lots of strays, cars etc. Not something I wanted for him. Beside this we have kids and cats outside bring all sorts of dead animals in the house. He did well for about 2 weeks but one day came back injured.
I handled it. $200 to the vet but whatever. My cat has a life and deserves to live it.
Things got rough at my job one month later and I started working double shifts. She then quit feeding him because that wasn't her cat. This really upset me and I've been taking care of him every day since.
A thousand times this year I've been told by her to bring him back to the pound because he isn't worth keeping.
I wont do this. He's family.
He now sleeps, every night on what used to be her side of the bed.
A few years ago she wanted a kitten. I was never really an animal person and had never owned a cat before. One day, She hyped up our daughter about it until I finally said okay because I knew it would've been argued about time and time again unless we got one. Much to my landlord's dismay, we all went down to the pound the next morning and picked up a 2 week old tabby. Her and our daughter picked out the kitten then went home. I stayed to do all the paper work and waited while they cleaned his ears.
She loved that kitten. Right up until the point he became a cat.
He nipped a bit and was kind of frisky. My ex didn't like that. Her words to me were " I wanted something cuddly."
As he got bigger she disliked him more and more. One day out of the blue she completely disowned him. Her reasoning was that when she took our daughter home that day I f*cked something up then bought home the wrong cat.
Not the one she picked out so she simply stopped caring for him.
She decided one day to make him an outside cat and threw him out. We live in an urban area. Lots of strays, cars etc. Not something I wanted for him. Beside this we have kids and cats outside bring all sorts of dead animals in the house. He did well for about 2 weeks but one day came back injured.
I handled it. $200 to the vet but whatever. My cat has a life and deserves to live it.
Things got rough at my job one month later and I started working double shifts. She then quit feeding him because that wasn't her cat. This really upset me and I've been taking care of him every day since.
A thousand times this year I've been told by her to bring him back to the pound because he isn't worth keeping.
I wont do this. He's family.
He now sleeps, every night on what used to be her side of the bed.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
