Essn1977

Hi all I am new here I found this site today because I feel like I'm going crazy! I have been in an on again off again relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend.. Yes he has admitted he is an alcoholic and is in recovery well here is my dilemma... When we met I had just left my ex husband about 8 months prior I knew I'm from high school and we started dating he was a drinker and me just leaving a 12 year marriage I though this is fun! Well feelings got deeper and the drinking became more and more I threatened to leave time and time again and he would cry and say I'm going to stop well it never did.. We moved in together and for some sick reason I thought that would make him want to be "normal" well it got worse he would go missing all night and come home the next day after being missing for 12 hours at a time! Well the last night in our home he came in angry because I moved all the money out of our joint account to my solo account because I knew he would spend it all! He came in and went totally nuts destroying out home and my things! I moved out with the help of my family and friends and he went to jail on assault and destruction of property charges.. Me the fool that I am listened to him and let him tell me how he is going to change he went to rehab came out and has have "slip" ups as he calls them well he went to jail over this whole thing in January got out in April I went back because he swore he would change!! Not living together but swing each other and then in June he went to a bar drank and I flipped out!! Since then he has moved into a recovery house and tells me he is taking it serious this time! Am I wrong to believe in this man? I am so scared if I walk away he will change this time and I will lose out on the person I know he is sober!! He tells me to go to al anon to get help and we can both recover together.. I don't know what to do in so torn I have cried and been half manic all weekend over this!! Any advice would be helpful!! Can they really change!?? Or am I being foolish???

honeypig

Well, they CAN change, but that's not really your concern right now, since you can't control it in any way. The one person you can control and change for sure is YOU. I'd recommend that you do take his suggestion of going to Alanon and begin to learn how to take care of yourself and work on your own recovery. (You won't really be recovering "together"; his recovery will be his and yours will be yours...)

Welcome to SR, and glad you found us here. Please do as much reading here as you possibly can, and make sure to check the stickies at the top of the page. Lots of information there, and right now you need to educate yourself as much as you can about alcoholism.

Again, I'd definitely suggest an Alanon meeting, sooner rather than later. In the meantime, you're at a good place here at SR.

Essn1977

Thank you for your input!