amy55

Hi Flicka,

When I read your post I knew that I just had to respond. Just know that you are not alone. I didn't go through the crazy behavior that you are going through, but I did go through lots of crazy behavior. At first I thought he drank too much. He would start doing crazy things when he was drunk, but then he wouldn't be drinking, and he would still be doing crazy things.

Would start fights with me, just to fight, told me that I was the enemy, and that if you are fighting you can say anything that you want, to bring the enemy down. I would try to walk away from these things, and he would follow me around the house. I would be doing the dishes, and he would stand by the kitchen window, and put his thumbs in his ears, wiggle his fingers, and would keep saying na-na-na-na-na.

He would roll dishes from the kitchen to the den, over and over again, because I wouldn't get up and heat up dinner for him.

Was extremely verbally abusive and emotionally abusive.

I kept trying and trying to figure out, what the h3ll was going on !!!!!! This wasn't the man that I married. When he would do "crazy" things, at times I would just sit there and watch his face. His whole face changed. His eyes were distant, it was like he couldn't even see me, he face would turn a little red, I could see the veins in his neck, it was like someone else had taken over his body. He had a different stance, he became very arrogant, hostile, irrational. When he saw that it was getting to me, I could see a smirk on his face. He was actually enjoying it !!!!!!

To answer whether or not your ex was planning this, I couldn't say, I can't answer that, I don't know your ex.

With mine, I would say that he wasn't planning his egregious behavior.

The "masks" that they put on, I can relate to this. They can go out and charm almost anyone, this is when they put their "masks" on. I do feel that they know what is acceptable behavior and what isn't, but ...... I also feel that they can only keep that "mask" on for only so long. They come home and they feel comfortable there, and they take that "me mask" off, and become the most horrible person that you can imagine. They will abuse you, they will taunt you, they will laugh at you. All the while, you start to think that you are the crazy person.

That new woman, things will be ok there, until he feels comfortable with her, and secure enough to feel that she will not leave him, and then the "mask" will come off.

I researched a lot about this, developed PTSD, always wanting to know, who stole that man that I married, where did this "alien monster" come from.

I did kind of decide that he had a mental illness, in my mind most likely bi-polar, but you know what, it didn't matter, because he wasn't about to do anything to make himself healthy.

FWIW, you did make the right decision to divorce him.

Good luck with the biopsy. I did go through breast cancer. You need to take care of yourself.

(((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

fourmaggie

you came to the right spot...alot of advice here...also, i totally getcha on your HOME GROUP...

read all the stickies...lots of "growth" there in those wisdom of words from my SR friends...

NYCDoglvr

I'm a recovering alcoholic (21 years) and codependent. I can tell you that you'll never understand drunks, how they think, so I hope you can let that go. Is he spending even a nanosecond in thinking about you? Alcoholism isn't a disease of the elbow, it's a mental illness, and we're powerless over other people and their diseases. Along with AA, Alanon was a lifesaver when I decided I didn't want a destructive person in my life. Recovery is a process but I promise you life keeps getting better and better when we deal with our own issues.