At a pivot point in my life, need support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
You are right on, Tuffgirl.
He "cut back" his drinking this spring after his new girlfriend booted him out for fear that he was an alcoholic. He says that AA is "too disease oriented" and gives a stigma to people. He is following "moderation management" or something like that.
He asked me to come back this spring, and when I wouldn't, he got back together with his girlfriend. But he just slipped and told me he had been courting her all alone. So you called it when you said he just can't bear to be alone.
In my mind he is an alcoholic. He got the e-mail from his lawyer announcing the divorce decree while I was working on the house, and responded by getting caustic with me, saying "I need a drink" and pouring a Manhattan. I was out the door in about 2 minutes and didn't go back to finish my work until he changed his attitude.
Nothing changes unless nothing changes. He is very strong willed, and if any alcoholic can moderate, it might be him. Not on my nickel, though. Too risky even at the beginning. And the complacency would set in so quickly that he had me where he wanted me again, and I think it would just go south fast.
His ability to charm - or is it hoodwink ?- women is quite something. This new girlfriend cleaned out his refrigerator (ugh, after all that time) and weeded and planted flowers so that the house will show better.
Anyway, I am DONE. I am getting 2 phone calls and 5 texts a day about the 17 things that need to be done on the house before Friday, and to his credit, he is doing most of them. I did my share.
I can hardly wait till I can shut off this spigot of full stream contact. Not that I don't wish him well. I do. I just don't want his energy in my face as I make this transition to my new house and my new life. By Friday, we will only have to be in contact about the house sale process, and there is an on-line service that our realtor uses that e-mails us each separately all the results of each showing. So contact should lessen dramatically soon.
And all you guys helped me so much to get back in perspective yesterday. I went to the Fiesta, and happened to sit next to the man who was the impetus for this city to apply for and get a designation as a state cultural area! Learning about my interest in the arts, he put on his "cultural ambassador" hat, and told me all about what is going on here. I felt so welcomed.
My HP works in such unexpected ways.
Thank you all for your support!
ShootingStar1
He "cut back" his drinking this spring after his new girlfriend booted him out for fear that he was an alcoholic. He says that AA is "too disease oriented" and gives a stigma to people. He is following "moderation management" or something like that.
He asked me to come back this spring, and when I wouldn't, he got back together with his girlfriend. But he just slipped and told me he had been courting her all alone. So you called it when you said he just can't bear to be alone.
In my mind he is an alcoholic. He got the e-mail from his lawyer announcing the divorce decree while I was working on the house, and responded by getting caustic with me, saying "I need a drink" and pouring a Manhattan. I was out the door in about 2 minutes and didn't go back to finish my work until he changed his attitude.
Nothing changes unless nothing changes. He is very strong willed, and if any alcoholic can moderate, it might be him. Not on my nickel, though. Too risky even at the beginning. And the complacency would set in so quickly that he had me where he wanted me again, and I think it would just go south fast.
His ability to charm - or is it hoodwink ?- women is quite something. This new girlfriend cleaned out his refrigerator (ugh, after all that time) and weeded and planted flowers so that the house will show better.
Anyway, I am DONE. I am getting 2 phone calls and 5 texts a day about the 17 things that need to be done on the house before Friday, and to his credit, he is doing most of them. I did my share.
I can hardly wait till I can shut off this spigot of full stream contact. Not that I don't wish him well. I do. I just don't want his energy in my face as I make this transition to my new house and my new life. By Friday, we will only have to be in contact about the house sale process, and there is an on-line service that our realtor uses that e-mails us each separately all the results of each showing. So contact should lessen dramatically soon.
And all you guys helped me so much to get back in perspective yesterday. I went to the Fiesta, and happened to sit next to the man who was the impetus for this city to apply for and get a designation as a state cultural area! Learning about my interest in the arts, he put on his "cultural ambassador" hat, and told me all about what is going on here. I felt so welcomed.
My HP works in such unexpected ways.
Thank you all for your support!
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
You sound great, SS1! Beautifully written post. Be proud and confident. Things are falling into place for you! I am so glad!
Shower your friends with love. You don't need XAH or any other man. Maybe some other guy will show up when the time is right. But friends, they're the best!
Shower your friends with love. You don't need XAH or any other man. Maybe some other guy will show up when the time is right. But friends, they're the best!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Close, but not quite, and I won't settle this time".
Thank you Tuffgirl.
We ALL deserve the very best any one can give.
ShootingStar1,
I want to come visit and sit next to you at these parties!
I am sure you are drawing good to you,
but never settle again.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
ShootingStar,
Again, you are an inspiration. Good for you. I will be thinking of you this 4th of July. I wonder if there will ever be a 4th when I won't think of you? Your wonderfully written words and your honesty have impacted me greatly during my time on this board.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Again, you are an inspiration. Good for you. I will be thinking of you this 4th of July. I wonder if there will ever be a 4th when I won't think of you? Your wonderfully written words and your honesty have impacted me greatly during my time on this board.
Hugs,
MamaKit
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