sadielady

Prayers and lots of love for you brokentapestry, and for your husband and your sweet girl. Illness thinking of you all day and checking back in hopes you're all ok. You are brave, hug your girl.

sadielady

I'll be, not illness. Darn autocorrect. A bit Freudian, eh? Much love.

Tuffgirl

Oh brokentapestry, I am so sorry you are in this situation today. Prayers from me.

I hate this damn disease.
~T

Brokentapestry

Update: Just spoke with his mom. He is awake, breathing on his own, and somewhat lucid. He's seeing things that aren't there, and is confused about things, but knows who he is and recognized his mom when she visited this morning. He's in stable condition. So, he's probably not dying today (unless I go visit him and throttle him!). They don't know if there will be permanent damage to his brain yet. They are going to stabalize him and then transfer him to another hospital with a psych ward.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for him, myself, and our daughter. Please keep us in your thoughts. This disease really is awful and so destructive. I'm trying to take care of myself and remember to stay in the present. I don't have to worry about the what ifs right now.

CarryOn

Thank you for the update, please keep us posted.

Continuing to send you all positive thoughts & praying for you.

Diva76

Thank you for keeping us informed....
I must say that I really admire the clarity in your thinking during what must be such an awful time for you...
I sincerely hope your husband gets the help he so desperately needs...

I wish you all my best...


Linda

Brokentapestry

:rotfxko:rotfxko:rotfxko:rotfxko:rotfxko

I may seem like I have clarity, but I feel like such a wreck. I'm anxious, sad, scared. I'm relieved that he didn't die. I'm terrified that he is going to have permanent brain damage. My MIL is pressuring me to go visit him in the hospital, and I honestly don't know what to do. I was supposed to meet with a divorce lawyer yesterday, but rescheduled for next week. He doesn't know that I'm planning on divorcing him, and this just adds a pile of excuses to not leave him. All of my "you can't leave because of X, Y, &Z" are running through my head faster than I can type.

So, yeah. Not a lot of clarity. Just a lot of hoping that if I fake it, I will make it.

dandylion

Brokentapestry---This does NOT add a pile of excuses to not leave him!! What is adds is another layer of GUILT. This is most likely a manipulation to keep you back at the status quo that allows him to continue with his goal---to protect his ability to drink. If you cave because of this---he will use it forever.

Visit him when or if you feel it is indicated. Your MIL is not living the misery. She is just being a typical mother--you can't blame her--but do not do her bidding when it is against your better judgement.

Think of this as a perfect opportunity to practice your skills at protecting your boundries.

Fake it. Fake it good.

dandylion

Brokentapestry

Such a powerful truth! Okay. Operation Fake It continues!

Tuffgirl

Many times I've 'faked it until I made it'. It's ok. That's just life.

Hang in there. This is a lousy situation all the way around. Stay strong!

DreamsofSerenity

I second what Dandylion said..

You're doing a good job faking it!

Diva76

Actually, I still believe you have quite a bit of clarity, (at least from my perspective)
Based on what you just shared, it sounds to me like you're in touch with your feelings, and if I was going through this I would feel the same way you do...
I can also understand you feeling torn about your MIL in terms of visiting with him....
Whatever you decide, I think it's important that you base that decision on what you want to do, and try your best to leave her opinion out of it...
(I'm SURE that's way easier said than done.....)
Regarding what you shared about your plans to divorce, again, I think you should be commended for recognizing your thoughts...
I learned in therapy that, although we can't control our thoughts, we can choose how to respond to them...
and it looks like you're doing just that....
I also have a tendency to be very hard on myself as well, and as I re-read through your post, I'm thinking that perhaps you may struggle with that, too?

I've also learned that it's OK if you need to change a decision...
Since I'm not an attorney, it would be inappropriate for me to comment on how to best proceed with your divorce, so perhaps it might be a good idea to either keep next week's appointment or call your attorney and speak with them about your husband's current condition. Perhaps, once you have more information, you will be in a better position to make a decision that is based on how the law works in circumstances like these, instead of allowing your emotions to "cloud" your judgment.....

Divorce is difficult and sad in the "best" of situations and it appears that your situation has some serious complications and I'm sure that's putting it mildly.....

You may not see it now, but you are doing much better than you think!
And, once you get on the other side of this, I bet you will be able to look back and recognize just how strong and resilient you are....

All my best,


Linda

PippiLngstockng

You don't have to decide anything today. Keep breathing and doing things that give you joy.

Boy, they really know how to keep everyone's focus on them! Bloody h**l!

Sounds like this won't be the last crisis with him.

This is an opportunity to get clarity that you need to think about you. This could go on indefinitely from what it sounds like.

(((Hugs)))

wicked

I must be a different kind of mother. I would NEVER consider calling my DIL and pressuring her to go visit my alcoholic son, who has had yet ANOTHER seizure do to his drinking.
As a matter of fact, I would be surprised if she showed up at all, and be grateful.
Wow, some people huh?

Broken,
Please continue with your life plans, it sounds as if this is what he plans to do with his life.
Do not make it your life any longer than necessary.
Release yourself from the guilt of his SELF-INFLICTED illness.
I am so grateful to be sober today.

I am sorry, I do not remember if he has said anything about recovery?
I never had a seizure, but my father did.
My daughter had one when she tried to withdraw from benzos on her own.
I cannot imagine nearly dying and not desperately looking for recovery, but that is me.
My recovery came in my time.
My father, just before his death, while in the hospital dying with cirrhosis,
finally said out loud.
"I think I may drink too much."
IF you are dealing with this kind of alcoholic mind, then more crises are bound to happen.
I am so sorry for your pain and ambivalence.
You sure could use some people in your corner, in your presence.
Any AlAnon friends yet?

I am amazed at your clarity too.
Keep going with that, and your answers will come.

Beth

Brokentapestry

Thanks Wicked. It wasn't a seizure, but a suicide attempt/ attention grab. And, I think that my MIL is stuck in co-dependent magical thinking land, where if we all just love him enough, then he won't do things like this and will get better. I recognize it, and empathize with her pain at watching her son do this to himself. She's just trying to control an uncontrollable situation.

But, I don't have to allow this uncontrollable situation to change MY boundaries. I went no contact, and I meant it. Even if he did overdose and end up in the hospital, nothing has changed between us. He is still an active addict. I cannot maintain my sanity and be in a relationship with an active addict. I do not need to visit him at the hospital. I don't think that it would help anything, and would hurt me.

That's really hard to admit. "Nice" people visit their spouses in the hospital after near death experiences. I've built a life on being "Nice".

fedup3

But, I don't have to allow this uncontrollable situation to change MY boundaries. I went no contact, and I meant it. Even if he did overdose and end up in the hospital, nothing has changed between us. He is still an active addict. I cannot maintain my sanity and be in a relationship with an active addict. I do not need to visit him at the hospital. I don't think that it would help anything, and would hurt me.

That's really hard to admit. "Nice" people visit their spouses in the hospital after near death experiences. I've built a life on being "Nice".

I understand what you are saying. I still love and have compassion on my XAH and I know he has little time left because of a failing liver but like you I won't see him though he begs me to see him. I know it wouldn't be good for me and it sounds like you feel the same way with your husband.

Diva76

Good for you!
I am REALLY glad you are tending to your own needs.....

Shellcrusher

That's a tough dose of reality you're dealing with right there.
Letting you know that my thoughts are with you and yours.

fluffyflea

Sharing my experience,strength and hope, the suicidal ex-boyfriend I used to know_ his ex-wife would NOT let his older teen kids go and see him in the hospital when he pulled one of those stunts nor would she go.

lillamy

You may feel like a wreck but you sound strong.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but you're doing it well, whether you can feel it or not.