wicked

Yes, and some times people who do not understand (even my own children, who are grown up supposedly, yep on me I know) actually get annoyed that I am so jumpy.

Like it embarrasses them that I am so on edge I jump when someone yells or a car backfires.

Then, when I get near tears, we both feel bad, them for not understanding and me for having no control. Damn. It sucks.

Now, this is what I am talking about! You forget his name, go to the lake, the water is wonderful, restorative to me.
Making purses sounds like fun.
I have loads of stuff to make jewelry, just haven't started yet.
So, today is the day.
Set up my desk, attach the lamp with magnifier.
Make something pretty.
I also got the final thing I needed to make a terrarium, I am so excited about it!
I wanna put silly little fairy things in there!
I have joined a gym, so my son is going with me as a "way to go" partner.

today in The Language of Letting Go was beautiful.
I will just type the prayer part.

God, help me value my time and my life. Help me place value on how I feel being around certain people. Guide me as I learn to develop healthy, intimate, sharing relationships with people. Help me give myself the freedom to experiment, explore, and learn who I am and who I can be in my relationships.

You are free to choose, and when you are ready, you will.

Beth

transformyself

Oh. Beautiful wicked, thank you. I'm headed out right now, but I hope to see pictures of your jewelry soon. I'll post some of my boxes. They're my keys to freedom!

Focusing on the positive for now and getting my aching body moving. Love, love to you all.

dandylion

transformyself, being in the mountains, alone with nature, is very much like meditation. If you could make excursions to there, I think it would be wonderful for you. It centers you and removes y our soul from the tribulations and noise of the bright lights.

About the goat thing---seriously, you would need hired help. Farm life is work--24/7. And, animals can't wait like a stack of papers can! Goats can be great fun , though--and very mischevious. You will need a really good dog to mind the goats. A german shephard or such.

If you ever win the lottery, you could buy a farm and become a gentleman farmer. All the fun with none of the work.

It is a sweet dream......

dandylion

AnvilheadII

so what i'm not hearing here is much of a PLAN. filing for disability is not a plan. it's something that hasn't happened yet and takes a LONG TIME and is more likely to be denied than approved.

selling cigar box purses at festivals and such might be a fun hobby, but have you worked out the cold hard numbers on how many you would need to sell in order to survive? you AND two kids? festivals don't run year round, they are a seasonal thing. there are start up costs, travel costs, booth set up costs, many festivals have fees for vendors, you will need to register as a business, and file taxes. let's assume a $20 price tag for ONE.....you'd need to sell ONE HUNDRED of them in ONE month to bring in $2000 and that's not directly to your pocket. that would be 25 per weekend assuming there was an event each weekend. while i think it's great to have ideas, i also think we can make our ideas so gradiose they assure we stay stuck.

you seem stuck in magical thinking. just run away and raise goats. just go to street fairs and sell crafts. but none of that will get you from where you are NOW to somewhere else. you continually make HIM out to the bad guy but you CHOOSe to stay with him anyways. you tell him to leave buy you have no means of financial resources to support yourself. when you first put up this post i had to double check the date cuz i swore i read this same thing from you two or three years ago.

SoloMio

Anvilhead, harsh but true.

I think we stay in situations that suck a lot, so when we get to the "freedom" point, we think we deserve to go after "do what you love" situations. But, realistically, sometimes we can't get there just yet. We have take an interim step that may not be a sexy move, but it's a sane move.

I was just thinking about that because I was advising my DD27 on whether or not she should take a job for financial stability or continue her freelance gig as a graphic designer. And I used the example of when I took a job that I really didn't want to, but which turned out to be THE financial fulcrum of our lives--her life included. It was a typical corporate job, but it sent her to Madrid for Junior Year Abroad, and it kept the family afloat for the past ten years.

Right now, I'm in a situation that theoretically I should LOVE. I have paid my corporate dues. I quit 5 years ago, in order to freelance. I have made good money as a result, working from home. I spend a lot of time traveling, but I it just so happens I haven't had as much travel as I usually do.

This means I'm spending more time with AH. And I'm thinking, I'm missing those "sane" people I make fun of sometimes--the ones who just toe the line and live their lives without grandiose schemes. I realize that I depend upon those boring, regular people to bolster my own sanity.

At times I have made fun of my corporate job, and demeaned it, but it sustained my life and my sanity, and if I am not grateful, I'm really stupid.

So how does this relate to transform? One of the best books I read was "Work Less Make More" by Jennifer White. That might help in terms of building a marketable business.

But until the purses take off (which are a really cool idea and don't forget about it), it may be necessary to see what higher income opportunities are around.

LaTeeDa

I have to agree. Making a living in any kind of creative field is tough. If I didn't have a small pension (as the result of 15 years spent in the 8-5 cubicle world) I wouldn't be surviving. And, even so, I'm barely scraping by. I'm certainly not above temporarily taking a minimum wage job to put food on the table if needed.

L

LexieCat

Yup, I remember when I moved across the country with husband #2 (who went back to drinking right around the time we got married and moved). I was confident I would easily get a job just like the one I left--maybe paying a little less because I would be new to the office and to the jurisdiction--but doing what I loved and making similar money with similar benefits.

WRONG-O. Could NOT find a similar job--though I interviewed for several, could not be hired. Wound up taking a mind-numbingly boring job that paid just a little over half of what I'd been making, only to have spouse lose his job due to his inability to work when he was drinking all the time. I left him anyway, worked out an arrangement with my first husband to temporarily suspend my child support obligations, and worked at this job until I finally threw in the towel and moved back across the country to my old job. Paid first husband back child support for a few years. (He was very understanding.)

Ya do what ya gotta do. And sometimes that means doing stuff that is pretty un-appealing.

pixilation

My dream back when living with AH was to escape to a cabin in the the woods of Northern Minnesota, no phone service, no way for him to contact me at all. I definitely understand that feeling.

You CAN do this, really, there has to be some 9-5 job you can work, something to keep you off your feet and work even with chronic pain. too bad you aren't here, we have TONS of jobs, several call centers for example.

Florence

I do both. I have the boring corporate job, and the things I do for fun and money. Someone has to carry insurance and that's me. My AH always held out for the job he'd love that was more about his ego than money, and he often ended up underpaid, underemployed, or unemployed. I'm a highly creative person that has always had a "side-hustle" and I figure that's what nights and weekends are for.

From personal experience, if you plan to do the Etsy thing, make it something that's really cool, easy to replicate over and over, that is sellable at a decent price point, but ships cheaply. I saw someone who makes suckers with faux spiders and planets inside of them and thought that was brilliant. Funny t-shirts, trendy jewelry. I've had great luck on eBay selling small vintage and antique items -- think jewelry, handkerchiefs, small purses, compacts, anything that will fit in a drawer and ship in a padded envelope (under $5 shipping). It's great fun, but a lot of your invested money gets tied up in "inventory." If you ever want to chat about it, let me know.

transformyself

Also, I wanted to add that I went to a real life al-anon meeting recently and boy was that interesting. I remember now, initially it's sort of a shock that there is no advice giving, or cross talk, or anything like what I'm accustom to in my experience with meetings, but I remember from when I was going to meetings before that the magical power lies in regularly attending, and listening to the wisdom of others. It sort of slowly sinks in. Good for hard heads like me.

Yes, I have some pretty pressing issues I have to deal with here, but just sitting in a room for an hour with other folks, some who were knitting and listening, truly listening to what they had to say, was enough to lift me out of my self focus, and give me hope again. What a gift.

Because until I can believe I can do this, it's not possible. Until I believe I can do anything, it's not possible. I have to have hope. Like that amazing thread I recently read about leaving your home, and what you gain when you leave your own home. So much hope.

I'm going back tomorrow. I like that little group of ladies and one man lol. They were very kind to me, but didn't butt into my business. They looked like they all had it goin on- were old timers. There were a few newer folks like me, but mostly it was really cool, well adjusted folks who have been going to al anon for years. I recognized one woman from outside of the program, and she gave me a wink. Totally cool.

I know that's not the experience everyone has, but I am going back!

transformyself

Thanks Florence.

I'm not ready yet to move to Etsy, but will be soon so I should learn more about it. That's what's so exciting about this! I started a business 4 years ago and it was a nightmare because of my partner.

I learned my lesson. No partners for me for now, except my kids who are going to help us sell them. We have our first festival in one week!

For now, the kids and I are traveling to festivals and pow wows to sell the purses. It's so exciting! I have a funder ready to help once I get the first few hundred produced and sold.


I am NOT artsy and have never done anything like this, but I know from experience that this kind of niche work is the only kind that's making any money right now outside of corporations.

The first festival is a Gay Pride festival. Wahoo! And then two pow wows and then a Biker Festival, so we're having a lot of fun deciding how to design them for each group of folks.

fourmaggie

omy god! now that is a lightbulb moment for me

I have a friend, married to this guy for 5 years and has been complaining for the last 2? 3? years...she is in recovery A for 7 years and him 15 years...
HE makes awesome money and she gets allowance every month(no need to work) and also he pays all the bills....YET time and time, again and again, she complains about him being the bad guy....YET i have seen her BEHAVIOUR AND CHARACTER come out recently....

Shining~Again

Feeling leery of posting since some have been deleted and if my computer didn't auto save like it does, I'd not have a clue what just happened here.

Transform - I've seen & been one of many people that it took forever, years, to get out of whatever I was in. Someone might of listened to me gripe/talk/laugh & cry for 5 years and never felt anything for me other than love, friendship. Someone else might of said or thought: "so long, see ya cause you aren't moving forward fast enough for me."

I can not understand any one else's reasons for getting fed up with me, or you or Joe Schmoo down the road. It's individual. I don't post much but I hit Like if someone says something that makes me think and/or says much better what I was thinking.

I could write a book about how many peeps here I've seen go off the rails, not be having the best day, attack someone/have post deleted, and still - at the end of the day we're all doing our best. Might not be someone else's best - but ours.

Just my ESH. <--might not be up to par with yours, hers, or his...but it's mine.

cheers

transformyself

Thanks Lethe- yes messages and postings do disappear around me lol.

I do appreciate your viewpoint. We are all doing our best As you know, I have several posters on ignore--my boundaries and god bless the ignore button-- so I'm blissfully not sure what's actually going on here, but honestly, I'm just grateful I have the ability to take what I want and leave the rest behind.

I"m happy today with the progess I'm making. I keep taking steps foward, and if I come here and post while frustrated and am attacked by others, I look at that as their problem not mine.

In the meantime, I got more stuff thrown out/packed earlier, and am now at the office making a birthday card for my boy. I don't know where we're going yet, or how we're getting there, but I will damn well be packed when it happens

transformyself

Pixilation-
where is "here" that has tons of jobs like call centers?
you gave me a good idea because I'm in a University town and they probably have similar kinds of jobs.

Seren

This is a really old thread, but it does have information about legitimate companies and jobs that are 'work from home' opportunities. Perhaps something here might help--or provide additional ideas?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ibilities.html

transformyself

Wow! Thank you! I'm checking it out right now, cool magazine. I already work from home with my freelance writing, although I need more work obviously. Living in your pajamas is one of the unintended consequences of working from home lol

wicked

I want a female biker purse! And one other idea, I will tell you later.
That bad boy image, I have more than a passing interest in all things Harley Davidson.
Except of course, own one. Geez, that is a nice dream, rolling down the highway......

Okay back to the festivals, I love festivals and the personal art work they sell.
My youngest (daughter) before we went into her high school at the time for a Christmas festival said, "Remember our limit?"
Bwahahahahahaha!
I am an impulse buyer.

I was looking at Etsy last night, and it looks like another great idea.
There was also a part where some sellers wrote blogs about how they began, and how they made money, where to get help, all that good stuff.

Keep stepping forward transform, you will get there.

Beth