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First court date today

Old 06-17-2013, 03:21 PM
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You can do it! You can do it Florence! Sending strength and determination your way to get you through today. I am thinking of you. It's not easy but in your heart you know it's necessary. Take care of yourself today. You deserve happiness.
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Old 06-17-2013, 03:22 PM
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Hey Florence,
keep breathing, that's enough to make him nervous!
LOL
Right here, thinking of you.

Beth
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Old 06-17-2013, 04:23 PM
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(((((((((((((((((Florence)))))))))))))))))))))



I hope today went well. I'm thinkin' about you...sending strength and peace!!

Mary
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Old 06-17-2013, 05:01 PM
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Hope everything went well today!! Prayers for peace and strength heading your way
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:03 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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It went as well as it could. I was extremely nervous and spent the day trying not to freak out and despite it being a quiet hearing I'm emotionally exhausted. My lawyer was very pointed about my AH's history with relapses and rehabs and the judge agreed that supervised visitation for DD2 was the way to go. Thank god, because I think I would go crazy with worry if he had the baby alone.

Roller coaster of emotions today. I felt bad that my lawyer hammered on my STBXAH so hard, but all he presented was the facts and the facts bear that whatever his efforts at recovery, he's still not in a good place. My AH knows recovery talk through and through but can't put it into action without his hubris and ego getting in the way.

I miss the man I married. Preparing for this hearing reminded me how bad things were for how long. I don't quite feel regret, I guess I'm just sad. This is an awful disease. Just awful. It's hell.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:18 PM
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Hugs, you get to bed early and get a good night's sleep. Yes, the disease is VERY sad, but you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your child, you didn't fight dirty, and you got through the hearing. And got the result that you needed to get.

Things will feel better tomorrow, I'm betting.
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:47 PM
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Big hugs, friend. Court hearings are the pits. Even when they do go your way they're exhausting. I'm just so relieved about the supervised visitations - that will give you so much more peace of mind!!!
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:47 AM
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I feel way better today. Took an easy night last night, frozen pizza and trash TV, a nice sunset, and cuddled with the baby this morning.

Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me, I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth. There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.

His lawyer only asked me two questions. The hardest part was remembering dates -- and that I had them written on notes in front of me!

I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.

I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:56 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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"Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is. "

Yes it does suck and no this is not what we wanted for our lives ~ but we do have a program of recovery that can help us thru it.

And thing that always gives me comfort is that our children (in my case my grandchildren) are exposed to recovery at such an earlier age than we were ~ and children learn and accept new ideas so much faster ~ what a blessing for them to have these tools at such an early age to be ready to face the world ~

Special pink prayers of comfort for you as you go thru this time of grief and healing ~

hang in there - This too shall pass and brighter days are waiting for you & yours!

pink hugs!
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:18 AM
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Florence,

Just remember you are not attacking or trying to hurt him, you are protecting yourself and your baby. Once I could get my way of thinking corrected to understand this, it made going to court a whole lot easier.

It is awful, and really does not get any easier, but everytime you do it you get to put a little gold star under your name to remind yourself how brave you are MommaBear.

4MyBoys
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:00 PM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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I heard something cool from a speaker the other day...

I've heard many, many times people talking about learning not to live in the wreckage of the past. She, however, made a simple change that hit me really hard and may resonate with you. She said that she is working on not living in the wreckage of the future!

I've been doing that as long as I've been living in the wreckage of the past. Now I'm working on living where my feet are from now on.

Take care, and as a member of our society thank you for putting your baby first, and not your alcoholic.



Cyranoak

Originally Posted by Florence View Post
I feel way better today. Took an easy night last night, frozen pizza and trash TV, a nice sunset, and cuddled with the baby this morning.

Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me, I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth. There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.

His lawyer only asked me two questions. The hardest part was remembering dates -- and that I had them written on notes in front of me!

I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.

I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is.
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Old 06-18-2013, 12:26 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
I feel way better today. Took an easy night last night, frozen pizza and trash TV, a nice sunset, and cuddled with the baby this morning.
Sounds like the perfect antidote for post-court!

Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me,
No cure for how to not worry about that bc I am in the same boat... Yes it's codie, no we can't control what they think of us but it seems normal to me to be bothered when others think poorly of us for doing what's right... That's where I find myself a lot lately too...

I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing,

Do you think he will? I think unless and until he is in recovery, he won't be able to think rationally and see honestly that you're doing what is right for you and DD2. He will blame you- I am sure of it. And he will be wrong.

I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth.
It's obvious to me that you're being fair, decent, protecting your child and doing what's right. But it's just as obvious that bc he is an alcoholic he WILL likely blame you. Funny how I can be all logical about how it's not about you and it's his disease speaking when it's not my life but I can't seem to see it this way when it's my xAH blaming me... You ARE doing the right thing and are an amazing mom for it!!!!!

There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.
Very understandable.

I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.
No amount of progress makes a person ready for court and its totally to be expected that you'd be nervous... I get myself worked up a lot when I tell myself how I should or should not be feeling. I know sometimes the things I worry about are codependency rearing their head but I also know that when I beat myself up for feeling what I feel I just feel worse.... I think that having a day of feeling like you might spin into a panic sounds like what most people would experience in your shoes... Maybe I'm wrong, but I think if you go to court under the circumstances you are and are totally calm and okay with it that would be odd.... My xAH comes off as cool as a cucumber at weird times and it creeps me out-- sociopathic kind of stuff...So I say be glad that you have emotions and felt them and processed them and today are feeling better... I think everything you felt is to be expected.

I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is
Well said!
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Old 06-18-2013, 01:23 PM
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Alcoholism is hell. Good you and the children are getting free. Keep moving forward! You're doing great!!!
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