First court date today
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 510
You can do it! You can do it Florence! Sending strength and determination your way to get you through today. I am thinking of you. It's not easy but in your heart you know it's necessary. Take care of yourself today. You deserve happiness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
It went as well as it could. I was extremely nervous and spent the day trying not to freak out and despite it being a quiet hearing I'm emotionally exhausted. My lawyer was very pointed about my AH's history with relapses and rehabs and the judge agreed that supervised visitation for DD2 was the way to go. Thank god, because I think I would go crazy with worry if he had the baby alone.
Roller coaster of emotions today. I felt bad that my lawyer hammered on my STBXAH so hard, but all he presented was the facts and the facts bear that whatever his efforts at recovery, he's still not in a good place. My AH knows recovery talk through and through but can't put it into action without his hubris and ego getting in the way.
I miss the man I married. Preparing for this hearing reminded me how bad things were for how long. I don't quite feel regret, I guess I'm just sad. This is an awful disease. Just awful. It's hell.
Roller coaster of emotions today. I felt bad that my lawyer hammered on my STBXAH so hard, but all he presented was the facts and the facts bear that whatever his efforts at recovery, he's still not in a good place. My AH knows recovery talk through and through but can't put it into action without his hubris and ego getting in the way.
I miss the man I married. Preparing for this hearing reminded me how bad things were for how long. I don't quite feel regret, I guess I'm just sad. This is an awful disease. Just awful. It's hell.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, you get to bed early and get a good night's sleep. Yes, the disease is VERY sad, but you did what you had to do to protect yourself and your child, you didn't fight dirty, and you got through the hearing. And got the result that you needed to get.
Things will feel better tomorrow, I'm betting.
Things will feel better tomorrow, I'm betting.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Big hugs, friend. Court hearings are the pits. Even when they do go your way they're exhausting. I'm just so relieved about the supervised visitations - that will give you so much more peace of mind!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I feel way better today. Took an easy night last night, frozen pizza and trash TV, a nice sunset, and cuddled with the baby this morning.
Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me, I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth. There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.
His lawyer only asked me two questions. The hardest part was remembering dates -- and that I had them written on notes in front of me!
I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.
I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is.
Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me, I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth. There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.
His lawyer only asked me two questions. The hardest part was remembering dates -- and that I had them written on notes in front of me!
I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.
I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
"Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is. "
Yes it does suck and no this is not what we wanted for our lives ~ but we do have a program of recovery that can help us thru it.
And thing that always gives me comfort is that our children (in my case my grandchildren) are exposed to recovery at such an earlier age than we were ~ and children learn and accept new ideas so much faster ~ what a blessing for them to have these tools at such an early age to be ready to face the world ~
Special pink prayers of comfort for you as you go thru this time of grief and healing ~
hang in there - This too shall pass and brighter days are waiting for you & yours!
pink hugs!
Yes it does suck and no this is not what we wanted for our lives ~ but we do have a program of recovery that can help us thru it.
And thing that always gives me comfort is that our children (in my case my grandchildren) are exposed to recovery at such an earlier age than we were ~ and children learn and accept new ideas so much faster ~ what a blessing for them to have these tools at such an early age to be ready to face the world ~
Special pink prayers of comfort for you as you go thru this time of grief and healing ~
hang in there - This too shall pass and brighter days are waiting for you & yours!
pink hugs!
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
Florence,
Just remember you are not attacking or trying to hurt him, you are protecting yourself and your baby. Once I could get my way of thinking corrected to understand this, it made going to court a whole lot easier.
It is awful, and really does not get any easier, but everytime you do it you get to put a little gold star under your name to remind yourself how brave you are MommaBear.
4MyBoys
Just remember you are not attacking or trying to hurt him, you are protecting yourself and your baby. Once I could get my way of thinking corrected to understand this, it made going to court a whole lot easier.
It is awful, and really does not get any easier, but everytime you do it you get to put a little gold star under your name to remind yourself how brave you are MommaBear.
4MyBoys
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
I heard something cool from a speaker the other day...
I've heard many, many times people talking about learning not to live in the wreckage of the past. She, however, made a simple change that hit me really hard and may resonate with you. She said that she is working on not living in the wreckage of the future!
I've been doing that as long as I've been living in the wreckage of the past. Now I'm working on living where my feet are from now on.
Take care, and as a member of our society thank you for putting your baby first, and not your alcoholic.
Cyranoak
I've been doing that as long as I've been living in the wreckage of the past. Now I'm working on living where my feet are from now on.
Take care, and as a member of our society thank you for putting your baby first, and not your alcoholic.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by Florence 
I feel way better today. Took an easy night last night, frozen pizza and trash TV, a nice sunset, and cuddled with the baby this morning.
Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me, I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth. There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.
His lawyer only asked me two questions. The hardest part was remembering dates -- and that I had them written on notes in front of me!
I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.
I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is.
Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me, I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing, I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth. There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.
His lawyer only asked me two questions. The hardest part was remembering dates -- and that I had them written on notes in front of me!
I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.
I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Florence
I feel way better today. Took an easy night last night, frozen pizza and trash TV, a nice sunset, and cuddled with the baby this morning.
Reflecting on yesterday, I realized my codie tendencies are still right on the edge of going full-blown. I'm a little worried about what AH and his family think of me,
I hope he understands why I'm doing what I'm doing,
Do you think he will? I think unless and until he is in recovery, he won't be able to think rationally and see honestly that you're doing what is right for you and DD2. He will blame you- I am sure of it. And he will be wrong.
I hope it's obvious that I'm not trying to fight dirty, and I don't want to be hated and reviled for trying to do the right thing, especially after several years of trying to do the right thing by him and getting kicked in the teeth.
There was a moment yesterday when I was home before the hearing where I had to stop and lay down and calm myself down because my heart was beating so hard -- I was worrying about all the what-ifs and possible outcomes.
I've been thinking a lot yesterday about all the things I've learned about the alcoholic family, and my codependency, and reflected about how these tendencies which I've fought so hard to curb are always right there ready to spin me into a panic. Even despite all my progress and how good I've been feeling, there they were. It reminded me how important self-care is, and that I keep up with my medication and meditations and find ways to enjoy my children and my life regardless of whatever worries I have.
I can't control my AH or what he and his family think of me. I hope they understand, and if they don't, I let it go. Divorce just sucks. Alcoholism just sucks. This isn't what I wanted for myself or my kids, but it is what it is
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