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Alcoholic brother stopped speaking to me and I am angry and sad

Old 06-17-2013, 09:02 AM
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Alcoholic brother stopped speaking to me and I am angry and sad

My brother almost died from an alcohol related seizure last year. My family refuses to talk about his alcoholism. I helped him with his recovery and after he was well enough to go home, he stopped speaking to me, which was painful. Eventually he started speaking to me gain and we would talk twice a week for about hour each time. Now he has stopped speaking to me again and I feel hurt and angry. I dont understand his behavior and I feel like giving up on the relationship. Is this normal behavior for an alcoholic? Thank you for any advice...
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:20 AM
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I would say, very common. Think of it as the alcoholism talking---and detach from it as much as you can. Until a full program of recovery is in place for a good while--you can expect just about any kind of selfish, insensitive, irresponsible behavior. Love him at a distance is the best policy.

Please hang around and learn all you can. You will find lots of understanding and support, here.

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Old 06-17-2013, 09:30 AM
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My brother is a drug addict and he doesn't really speak to me either. Over the years I have helped him a lot with employment opportunities, loans, support, etc. When I started detaching and having better boundaries, the relationship kind of dissolved. It hurts my feelings, but I also understand that he will not have anyone in his life who does not enable him.

I think both addicts and alcoholics choose the people in their lives according to how they can serve them or meet their selfish needs. I would not take the situation with your brother personally. I know it hurts though.
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:56 AM
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I didn't stop speaking to my family when my drinking was at its worst, but I certainly minimized the contacts. I was embarrassed and ashamed and felt lousy about myself. They were some distance away, had no clue what was going on, and I wanted to keep it that way.

My suggestion is that you try not to take it personally.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:47 PM
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Please try not to take it personally. When my son was drinking he was moody and would go weeks without answering our calls or calling us.. It was the disease talking. Now that he's 8 months sober, he's gotten better but still has his moods and times when he is distant. I think it just takes a lot of time.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:42 PM
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I would have to agree with the other posts that this type of behavior is typical....
I went through a similar thing with a boyfriend of mine...
He stopped speaking to me after I let him know how I felt about him making plans with his drinking buddies on a holiday weekend instead of planning something special for us...

I also noticed that once I began setting boundaries (such as not accompanying him to bars) we started to grow apart...

Although, I've moved on...it does still hurt...(given we knew each other back in middle school...)

As sad as it is, you may be better off loving your brother from afar...

Whether you're in his life actively or not, he has to be the one to tame the beast...

I think sometimes an alcoholic will push others away who disapprove of their drinking because it makes it easier for them to carry on...

I hope you will feel better soon...

Linda
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Old 06-17-2013, 09:00 PM
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It's normal for the alcoholic relationship. My alcoholic brother would often stop speaking to me, or avoid me. I also helped him through a hospitalization, and he distanced himself afterwards. I think he was embarassed about the whole thing. I finally had to detach, because I was always getting my feelings hurt. So I love him from a distance. He lives with my parents, often when I'm over there he doesn't even come out of his room to say hi. I no longer take it personally. When he does say hi, I'm friendly.
My advice is find an AlAnon group, and attend a meeting. It will help you get past the anger and hurt. You will learn to detach with love, and find peace with your relationship.
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