Pacificbrz

It's been a crazy week... I don't even know where to start I just need it all out. ABF started drinking again he went for treatment and left but didn't tell anyone. I got a call from a family member wanting to know if I had heard from him. Just crazy he walked out and walked all the way home. Good news he's safe but bad news he was drinking. Says he going to go back tomorrow but I don't know if I believe him. I'm to the point words are words... Actions are what I'm going to believe.

I could just scream... Why does this happen to people..why did it have to happen to him?!? The sensible me knows there isn't a reason why but it hurts to watch someone you love go through this because there is nothing you can do to help. You just watch it's like it's a horrible dream. My heart breaks every time because he's truly my friend even more than a BF. He's the first person I talk to when I wake up and the last one I speak to before going to bed. He's the first one I tell good news too and he's the one I tell my troubles too. Some times I think maybe I've imagined all of this or my fear is he only cares or his feeling for me are from the acohol. When it's quiet, I know it's not true and I know he cares for me but it's like his hope is gone. It's hard to see someone that is losing hope. To be honest I really thought we could have something very special but I see how acoholism can destroy all of it in a moment. He's been sober for over a decade but something's happened. I'm not sure he believes in himself anymore that he has what it takes to get sober again. It's like a freakin demon takes over. I know or he says he wants to be sober but now I'm questioning it. I guess it's really not my question to answer.

I'm still trying to just focus on day by day but I'm thinking it might be best to walk away. Yes we've been together over a year and I don't want him to think I'm abandoning him just because he's an acoholic. My heads just tells me he needs to focus on recovery and not have the pressure of a relationship. My heart tells me not to give up because honestly there's a connection that bonds us together. Maybe that sounds silly and I need to move out of fantasy land. I'm really not sure what to do but as many of you told me it's not a decision I have to make tonight. Tonight I'm just going to pray god will give him strength and the desire to get the treatment he needs. I will pray for me the strength to get me through it as well.

Is it dumb to even consider continuing our relationship? I've really thought we need to slow it down and let us both focus on ourselves. It's so hard to think about losing our relationship because it like losing a piece of myself because one good thing he has shown me. is I deserve to be loved for me not the person who takes care of everyone and everything. See normally I am the one to fix and take care of everyone... With him he already knew we have to take care of ourselves and not depend on someone else to take care of us. I don't know if that makes sense??? I don't know... It's all so confusing and I have a lot of thinking to do. I have to take care of my son and me first and him and us come after.

Sueski

It might be best to walk away, but it might not, either. Time will tell. I think you are right when you say that you need to keep the focus on your son and yourself, and the relationship after that. Harder to do than to say, I know!

I hear you about the unfairness and the pain of watching someone you love make these self-destructive choices. It sucks. Bottom line, though, is that we can't give them self-esteem, we can't motivate them, we can't FIX them. I am speaking to myself just as much as to you right here!

Have you tried Alanon or anything along those lines? Meditation, yoga, prayer, reading, all good. And, slowing it down to focus on yourselves doesn't automatically mean ending it. Take care. You will know what you need to do when you need to do it.

Seren

Welcome to SR, Pacificbrz, I'm glad you found us--although very sorry for the reasons why.

Out of all the anxiety and stress that come with trying to have a relationship with an active alcoholic---this is what is the most important thing.

None of us can tell you whether or not to continue the relationship. And you are right, your boyfriends actions are what you need to watch, not listen to his words.

In the meantime, keep yourself and your son safe!

honeypig

I'd just like to echo what the 2 posts above mine say--first, take care of yourself and your son, and second, listen to his actions rather than his words. Please do as you said you needed to do; do your best to remain grounded in reality instead of imagining "what could be"....hope is important, no mistake, but it has to be based on something solid, not just wishes and dreams (and I am as guilty of this as the next person, no doubt about it).

The folks here have learned what they know the hard way, and what they have to say can be trusted, IMHO.

Hoping that you find some strength, peace and clarity today.