Boundary?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 122
Boundary?
I feel like such an idiot.
Friday, I shilled out more money than I could afford for xabf (jointly owned property issue, long story).
Over the course of the evening we had an argument, I shouldn't have engaged, but I did. He went out, got beer, takes pills, and in the middle of the night he fell down a flight of stairs (yay benzos and booze, oh yay, super glad the shrink thinks that's an awesome idea, wtf). He went to dr today, elbow sprain possible forarm and rib fractures, pending xr, his insurance changed and doesn't cover scripts, CAN I PAY FOR THEM. OMG. I paid for him to get half and he's telling me, my mom's sending me money, I'll pay you back.
But I just wanted to scream, ok, you were wasted and fell down the stairs, why don't you wake the eff up and how am I financially responsible for this?
We broke up last YEAR. LAST. YEAR.
Is this a boundary situation? Can I say. Look, dude. I'm not paying for your cigs or gas or meds anymore? Is that a legit boundary?
I really need to figure out a way to fit in a meeting.
Friday, I shilled out more money than I could afford for xabf (jointly owned property issue, long story).
Over the course of the evening we had an argument, I shouldn't have engaged, but I did. He went out, got beer, takes pills, and in the middle of the night he fell down a flight of stairs (yay benzos and booze, oh yay, super glad the shrink thinks that's an awesome idea, wtf). He went to dr today, elbow sprain possible forarm and rib fractures, pending xr, his insurance changed and doesn't cover scripts, CAN I PAY FOR THEM. OMG. I paid for him to get half and he's telling me, my mom's sending me money, I'll pay you back.
But I just wanted to scream, ok, you were wasted and fell down the stairs, why don't you wake the eff up and how am I financially responsible for this?
We broke up last YEAR. LAST. YEAR.
Is this a boundary situation? Can I say. Look, dude. I'm not paying for your cigs or gas or meds anymore? Is that a legit boundary?
I really need to figure out a way to fit in a meeting.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Is this a boundary situation?
Your boundary:
"I will no longer pay for anything that is not my responsibility, that includes but is not limited to money for your gas and cigs, your prescriptions, etc"
And you do not even have to tell him your boundary.
when he asks for money for whatever, other than I guess the joint property y'all own, the simple answer is NO
NO is a complete sentence requiring no additional explanation. Just NO
he is your EX correct?
Yes, it sounds like you can use a meeting or two or three, lol get yourself centered again.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I would second what Laurie said. Absolutely you do not owe this guy anything.
Have you heard this Alanon saying? "NO is a complete sentence." I always want to justify and explain and blah blah blah, want to make sure people understand I am being fair and what my reasons are, and you know what? I don't have to do that. All I have to do is say no if I mean no.
You can give it a try too if you want!
Have you heard this Alanon saying? "NO is a complete sentence." I always want to justify and explain and blah blah blah, want to make sure people understand I am being fair and what my reasons are, and you know what? I don't have to do that. All I have to do is say no if I mean no.
You can give it a try too if you want!
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