brownshoes

A little back story (sorry if its long :/)I have been dating my SO for a little over a year and have known him close to 11yrs.We started dating around august of last year and it was great but his mom was battling cancer so it was kind of stressful for him,i didnt notice too much drinking then but he also lives 20 miles away from me and we didnt see each other every single day.His mother lost her fight in september of last year and he hasn't stopped since. He has said and done some pretty awful things in these last few months and iv tried my hardest to detour his drinking but dont really get anywhere. It was very hard to for me to watch and listen to his emotional break down and rants and irrational blow ups. But on the day after mothers day he woke up and told me he was tired of being sorry and was going to a meeting after work...the meeting hasnt happen BUT he has been sober for 3 days end of today will be day four. I guess why im here is for any kind of support or word of wisdom? help? I just dont know what to expect in the coming weeks. Thanks for reading

sutton123

Hi brownshoes,
As an alcoholic, I know that unconditional support means everything. You must really love your SO. Is your SO seeking any kind of help?

Sutton123

wicked

I am glad he has not had a drink for four days. That is a definite start.

What you need to do....go to AlAnon.
Find your closest meeting and please go.
You will learn how to take care of yourself when alcoholics are in your life.
I am a recovering alcoholic, and WOW, I am getting so much help from AlAnon,
(my qualifiers are some family members) and I am SO grateful for their help.
You will be alright, work your own recovery and let him work his.

Beth

PS


Please hang around, post when you need to, and read some of the stickies.
I am glad you found us.

brownshoes

He has not gone to a meeting,he doesnt want a churchy type of setting,i get it but at the same time I feel like its just an excuse not to go. I do love him,unconditionaly cant imagine my life with out him.

I will be looking in to an alanon meeting as soon as my shift is over. Thank you guys so much.

theseithakas

I feel like I keep telling my own stupid story over and over again, but I had a similar experience with my ABF. He decided to stop drinking after a really bad night in June 2012, and kept talking about how he should go to AA or something similar, but he never did. He drank again in August 2012, and then again last week, after abstaining for nearly ten months, but having never gone to a meeting or therapy or anything like that. He knows better than that - he was sober for four years before I met him and regularly went to meetings and therapy. After drinking last week, he went to his first meeting in a couple of years on Monday. I'm hoping he continues to go, but who knows?

It's great that you support him. I struggle myself with finding a balance between being supportive and being an enabler/being codependent. Just make sure you take care of yourself. My experience with being in a relationship with a "dry drunk" is that unless a person is actively working on their recovery, it's only a matter of time before they drink again. Maybe AA isn't for everyone, but most people need something. That being said, you can't force him to do anything, so just take care of yourself.

Recovering2

There is a HUGE difference between "unconditional support" and enabling. Learn the 3 C's: You didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. Don't listen to what an A says.....watch what they do. They will often talk about wanting to get sober, but it's their actions towards REAL recovery that matters. Simply abstaining from alcohol is not recovery, and can't last. There are many options for treatment, and they're not "churchy". Someone who is not ready for recovery will find every excuse in the book to avoid meetings. If they're serious...what do they have to lose by trying...except their life?

The only thing you can control is your own actions. What do you want for YOUR life? Find an AlAnon group near you,and go to meetings. If you want him to find recovery, set the example by working on your own recovery from this. You will find enormous support in the rooms of AlAnon.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I hope you will stick around and make yourself at home. I encourage you to read some of the Sticky Posts at the top of this main forum page. The Stickies are marked with a small padlock symbol in the left column. The stickies contain some of our stories and loads of wisdom.

Here is a link to my favorite sticky post. I followed these steps and found them to be helpful while dealing with active alcoholism:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

When I first arrived here, I learned about the 3 Cs of my loved ones addiction to alcohol

I did not Cause it
I could not Control it
I would not Cure it

It took me a long time to accept that concept. I kept wishing, hoping, and trying to change the alcoholic in my life. In the process, I became someone I didn't like. I became angry, controlling, frustrated, resentful, scared, and desperate. Alanon meetings, this forum and self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie helped me find myself again and become a more peaceful, happier Pelican!

Let us know how we can help you!

brownshoes

You all have been very kind and I appreciate all of the support and honesty you guys have given a complete interweb stranger ! I wasn't able to find an alanon meeting that was going on after work it was kind of late but i found one for noon today and i plan on going. This isnt my first go round with an addict(friends/family) but this is my first time ever being in a relationship with one so i feel a little dizzy from the ups and downs so far, I have carefully read trough all of your replies and iv been poking around the community for the last hour and i feel so uplifted to know that he and i are NOT alone. again I cant say thank you enough and look forward to sticking around!

PS please learn to forgive my awful spelling and grammatical errors,ima lazy typer.lol