How much of the breakup with AEXBF is my fault?
Recovering!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by SolTraveler 
Wow. I mean this as gently as possible, but he sounds like a real piece of work and from your description, you are 1000% better off without him.
Originally Posted by SolTraveler
For me, an affair is the end of the relationship. Once that trust is broken, that is absolutely it.
Originally Posted by SolTraveler
what he did was betrayal enough and damaging enough that my throat still closes up when my boyfriend even talks about female friends, despite all of the therapy I have been in.
Originally Posted by SolTraveler
My advice is to run far and fast. Do not look back. And if your therapist is not working for you, get a new one.
Originally Posted by LexieCat
It doesn't sound like ANY of the breakup was your fault. Not that you may not have made mistakes that were harmful to you, but his choices in companionship are his own responsibility. He sounds like a pretty confused person. You can't fix that.
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Some people are simply broken. They may, someday, with a lot of hard work, recover from their brokenness, but in the meantime they are not going to have healthy relationships with ANYONE.
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Your ex is not the first to want a wife/girlfriend and still enjoy an irresponsible lifestyle. His choice, not your responsibility.
Originally Posted by LexieCat
If I were you, I would just put him down the way you would anything else incomprehensible and useless to you, and work on living a life that doesn't consist of endless pain and frustration.
Originally Posted by Recovering2
Don't listen to what he says......watch his actions. He "wants" to change....but he has made no effort. He continues in the cheating relationship. He is a cheating addict. When someone shows you who they are .....believe them!!!!
Originally Posted by Recovering2
It is not that you're not good enough for him....you are TOO GOOD for him. But until you love yourself enough to realize this you're in for a rocky road. Set your boundaries, decide how you want to be treated by others in your life.
Originally Posted by Recovering2
He told you he's done with you....you can't see it now but you've been given a gift. Be done with him and start on a new healthier path. Go No Contact with this guy and the cheating gal he's with. You have NO reason to accept text messages from her, don't get pulled into that kind of destructive drama. Get into AlAnon and start working on you...don't look back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 47
"That's what I've said to him, but he says it takes two. Or, his exact words: "you refuse to admit that it's impossible, by definition, for a relationship to fail due to the actions of one person alone." "
Actually, just one party can destroy the relationship--that's the flip side of the idea that it takes two to make it work. One party can be turning themselves inside out trying to make it work (or even just acting like a normal, imperfect but decent human being), but if the other party won't do their share then the couple is doomed. This kind of statement is designed to try to get you to carry more responsibility for his bad behavior than you should (and the amount you should carry is none).
Actually, just one party can destroy the relationship--that's the flip side of the idea that it takes two to make it work. One party can be turning themselves inside out trying to make it work (or even just acting like a normal, imperfect but decent human being), but if the other party won't do their share then the couple is doomed. This kind of statement is designed to try to get you to carry more responsibility for his bad behavior than you should (and the amount you should carry is none).
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