BizarroSS

My brother is 7 years older than me and has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. For a long time I tried to ignore it, then I tried to be supportive. But after he relapsed less than a month out of rehab (about a year ago) my attitude changed. Ever since then, all I've felt is anger. I feel like a terrible person because I truly just want him out of my life at this point. I've always felt that family should stick together, but I have no desire to try anymore.

What's worse is, he recently stopped drinking and has been clean for a few months now. I should be so happy for him, but I'm not. All I feel is more anger. After 23 years of doing everything I can to make my parents proud and be the "good one," all he has to do is stop drinking for a few months and my parents act like he's their hero. They're so proud, and I guess I should be too. But part of me feels like he doesn't deserve their attention. Not yet, after so much time.

I guess my question is... what is wrong with me that I can't be happy for him? Will I ever stop being so angry?

Hammer

Understood.

Yes, for you the anger will pass. It is ok. Anger is a feeling, and feeling your feelings is an okay thing. If you want some real sickness, try not feeling your feelings for some years. You can take that at its face value, or I can explain in more detail if you need.

As for your parents, you and your brother . . .

They never lost you. But your brother . . . he was lost -- but now is found.

I know this is not a religion site and we go to great efforts to not promote such, but this set of stories linked below and one you may know regarding another pair of brothers, included in it may explain the whole thing to you.

scripture

Recovering2

I have a very similar story. My AB is 3yrs younger than me, and an A since his mid-twenties (he's 49). I initally tried everything I could to help him, only to be met with volatility/anger/rude behavior. My parents have enabled him his whole life. The focus is always on him. They would call me when things would blow up, I would go over there and try to be there for them. I would encourage them to set boundaries. They never would. He would calm down, and all was right again. Then they want me to forget about it. When he would attempt sobriety, he got the same "hero" welcome that you speak of. I was left there thinking wait a minute! I've been good all along, why is that not noticed??!!

It's taken me a long time, and AlAnon, to let go of my feelings. I'm not there yet, but I'm better. I don't blame my parents for being hopeful, they've been let down by him so many times. Any little thing is progress to them. I look at my brother's life, and I only feel sorry for him at this point. I love him, but remain distant for my own health. BTW - he hasn't had a drink in a year. He doesn't have a recovery program, he's just not drinking, so I still keep a safe distance.

Are you in AlAnon? That's where I started to work through my feelings. It was perfectly okay to be angry there, and others offered support and wisdom. It will get better, but it's okay to let you take what time you need to let go. (((hugs)))