Lewis73

Well....I told her!

She responded by asking if we would meet up inside or outside the event.

I simply replied "inside" and she then emailed that "It seems you are being sharp with me"

I ignored this.

Tomorrow I send an email explaining how she is going to be removed from my business and will receive maintenance payments instead of income from our joint business. I'll make it clear its to provide her with consistent and ongoing income.....but allows for a clean break to be moved towards.

She isnt chasing after me....so I must move away and move on. If she does chase, and I wish she would, I'll welcome her - but if she doesnt....I'll keep my chin up and look forward on onward!

mattmathews

In my own life I am or have been a codependent and I'm the child of abusive parents. One of the things I learned at an early age was to "sense" when my step-mother was upset, because when she was upset chaos, danger and pain ensued.

I carried that spider sense into my adult life and thought I was pretty good at "reading" people.

What I learned in recovery is that I'm not good at reading people at all! Thinking that I know what other people are thinking is a delusion that has cost me lots of opportunities for deeper relationships with other people. My ego gets in the way, thinking "I'm not good enough," "he doesn't like me," "she doesn't care what I think," etc. I've found that if I want to know what people are thinking, I have to ask them. And then I have to listen. Really listen, with out interjecting all my projections about what I think they are saying or what I think they mean.

You don't know what your wife is thinking.

You can accept that concept or reject it. But if you think there might be a glimmer of truth to it you might ask yourself how you could use that tidbit of knowledge about yourself.

SparkleKitty

Wow, Matt, I needed that post in my life right now. Thank you!

jmartin

Hi Lewis73, sorry you are here.

I am very late to this thread, and I read through quickly, I may have missed it, if so, I apologize. I strongly recommend reading "The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage" which is available through Alanon (or Amazon, or wherever). It is a short read and by this book, lack of desire for intimacy when first getting sober is pretty common on both sides of the relationship.

I will tell you that after ten years of dealing with a relapsing AW, my desire for her is very low. I would attribute this partially to the alcoholism, partly due to other possibly related dysfunction in our relationship. She is newly sober, and I am hopeful that this can be a beginning, but there is much to overcome. I have no idea whether we can get back to the point of having a real marriage. I am taking some encouragement from the aforementioned book that it can be revived, we have 25 years together. Naturally, getting there requires some patience on both sides, which might or might not be realistic or tolerable. But I admit, it may be that sobriety and the prior chaos of the alcoholism has just given her the courage to make a decision she feels she has deferred for too long.

wicked

marie1960

Wow is right.