How SR is relevant in my life after leaving XABF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 145
How SR is relevant in my life after leaving XABF
Good morning everyone,
I posted here sometime in January about my XABF coming back and me staying firm in my decision to not go back. Since then, I've continued on my path--working, working out, surrounding myself with friends and family and it's been wonderful. Throughout this whole process, I was able to make amends with my family and my first ex. That was wonderful. My first ex and I are friends and are on good terms.
Anyways, I started noticing how relevant SR is in my life as I found past resentments with him coming up again the more we interact. I find myself being reminded of why things never worked out but even as friends, sometimes I just get so angry by the things that he does or says and I remind myself how everything I learned in Al-Anon and SR is very applicable even though he's not an alcoholic. Point blank - I can't change him. We have discussions about how he wants to make lots of money and be super successful and he encourages me to do the same. But, that is not important to me. I work at a non-profit and I love what I do. I support myself and manage to live comfortably. I found myself getting so angry by the way he was giving me advice and talking to me. That's when I had to catch myself, I can't control what he believes. Even though I think it's more important to be happy then to make tons of money, he doesn't necessarily believe that. Why am I sitting here being upset? I don't have to be insulted by his comments. I choose to be insulted. I can let it go and just be happy with where I am, who I am, and what I do. I have nothing to prove to him.
I continue to remind myself that so often and it's hard. Sometimes I get so angry, like gosh how can people believe or act like this and that?? But ultimately, it doesn't matter. All that matters is what I believe and how I behave.
Just wanted to share that tidbit as I have found SR is useful far beyond alcoholism. If anyone has any similar struggles to share that would be helpful. Thanks and I hope everyone has a good day!
I posted here sometime in January about my XABF coming back and me staying firm in my decision to not go back. Since then, I've continued on my path--working, working out, surrounding myself with friends and family and it's been wonderful. Throughout this whole process, I was able to make amends with my family and my first ex. That was wonderful. My first ex and I are friends and are on good terms.
Anyways, I started noticing how relevant SR is in my life as I found past resentments with him coming up again the more we interact. I find myself being reminded of why things never worked out but even as friends, sometimes I just get so angry by the things that he does or says and I remind myself how everything I learned in Al-Anon and SR is very applicable even though he's not an alcoholic. Point blank - I can't change him. We have discussions about how he wants to make lots of money and be super successful and he encourages me to do the same. But, that is not important to me. I work at a non-profit and I love what I do. I support myself and manage to live comfortably. I found myself getting so angry by the way he was giving me advice and talking to me. That's when I had to catch myself, I can't control what he believes. Even though I think it's more important to be happy then to make tons of money, he doesn't necessarily believe that. Why am I sitting here being upset? I don't have to be insulted by his comments. I choose to be insulted. I can let it go and just be happy with where I am, who I am, and what I do. I have nothing to prove to him.
I continue to remind myself that so often and it's hard. Sometimes I get so angry, like gosh how can people believe or act like this and that?? But ultimately, it doesn't matter. All that matters is what I believe and how I behave.
Just wanted to share that tidbit as I have found SR is useful far beyond alcoholism. If anyone has any similar struggles to share that would be helpful. Thanks and I hope everyone has a good day!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Great post, MDK!
I didn't find SR until long after I began the lifelong recovery process. I found it in the aftermath of my beloved dog passing away last summer, and I don't think that was a coincidence. My life was unrecognizable at the time of her passing from when she first came to me as a wobbly-legged young lady in the summer I turned thirty. She'd seen me through all of it, and she was gone.
Though my life is pretty-much A-free these days, the daily reminders I find at SR include being grateful, living in the present moment, and questioning my own motives before making decisions or reacting to stressful situations. I wish more than anything I had SR as a resource before I found recovery, but better late than never I always say!
I didn't find SR until long after I began the lifelong recovery process. I found it in the aftermath of my beloved dog passing away last summer, and I don't think that was a coincidence. My life was unrecognizable at the time of her passing from when she first came to me as a wobbly-legged young lady in the summer I turned thirty. She'd seen me through all of it, and she was gone.
Though my life is pretty-much A-free these days, the daily reminders I find at SR include being grateful, living in the present moment, and questioning my own motives before making decisions or reacting to stressful situations. I wish more than anything I had SR as a resource before I found recovery, but better late than never I always say!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Today's daily read in "The Language of Letting Go" speaks directly about this! Don't have the book with me right now, but it talks about not getting caught up in the expectations/plans/advice others have for us. It's okay for them to have those expectations, but we don't have to feel a need to meet them. We may have very different plans for our lives, that's what is important.
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